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I make a living in copywriting, but KoiRizo was my first attempt at editing a visual novel. Suffice to say, there were a few bumps along the way. So in the spirit of this blog, here are just a few of the many, many things I wish I had done differently. 1. I should have started out using a style guide. From the very beginning, I should have picked one of the major styles guides and made it my bible. Instead, as I came across questions — Should this be hyphenated? Should that be capitalized? — I just googled the answer. As long as I had a browser open, I might as well have gone to Orbitz and bought myself a one-way ticket to Inconsistencyville. Population: this guy. Thankfully, I quickly realized the error of my ways and was able to minimize the damage early on, but save yourself some pain and don’t repeat my mistake. Pick a style guide. Use it. My formal training is in journalism, so I’m partial to AP style, but most any style guide should do just fine: Chicago, MLA, MHRA, etc. But if you don’t use the Oxford comma, you deserve to die alone.* 2. I should have (mostly) ignored the VO. In hindsight, I spent a bit too much time worrying about how the English script would match up to the exact cadences of the voice over. As a result, I kept in far too many ellipses from the original Japanese. So … at times … the script reads … like this. And, as it turns out, most of those VO pauses weren’t even perceptible enough to warrant their inclusion in the English text. Feh. Lesson learned. Next time, I’ll give priority to the written word. After all, it’s called a “visual novel,” not a “visual audio play.” 3. I should have established character voice cheat sheets early on. This ranks pretty high on the list of things wish I had done differently when editing KoiRizo. The base translation was very literal, so, at least on the page, the characters’ speech patterns all read pretty much the same. The actual content of their dialogue gave them some level of characterization — oh Yuuhi, you so crazy — but still, I wish I’d been able to give everyone a more distinct voice ... Next time out, I plan to make up an index card for each main character with notes on speech patterns, vocal tics, and catchphrases. And then, I’ll spend sufficient time with the translator agreeing on how each character should speak. (I'm just an editor. The nuances of untranslated Japanese speech are a bit beyond my pay grade.) Do they drop their “g”s when talkin’? Does one use painfully proper grammar when one speaks? This should go a long way toward making sure each character maintains a consistent voice, particularly if multiple translators and editors are involved. 4. I should have picked a visual novel I liked more. I know, right? There’s absolutely nothing wrong with KoiRizo. It’s a perfectly fine moege. It’s light and fluffy and inconsequential. (Except for the dramatic bits, which are angsty and fluffy and inconsequential.) I guess that’s partly why I chose it; far easier to hone my craft on lighter titles like KoiRizo, then move onto more substantial fare. But yeah, it never really clicked for me. (My VNDB rating for it has been hovering around a 6, if that tells you anything.) I tend toward VNs that take more narrative and metatextual risks, whereas KoiRizo is perfectly happy being an average, trope-heavy, cookie-cutter moege. Moreover, it had way too many H-scenes for my taste, often at the expense of plot. While it forced me to learn how to edit those types of scripts very quickly — more on that in a later blog post, I’m sure — it wasn’t something I always enjoyed. But still, I never let any of this affect the quality of the output. I work in advertising, and we very rarely have the luxury of actually liking the brands we create campaigns for. You either learn to compartmentalize, or you get weeded out fast. All of which is to say, I always tried to honor both the original authorial intent and the lead TL’s vision for the project as best I could. __________________ So there you go. Just a few of the many editing mistakes I have made, presented here for your approval. May you go forth and learn from my facepalms. Because, as Goro says, forewarned is four-armed. *Or surrounded by cats.

To be honest, after the moe-moe disaster of Juukishi, I wasn't really interested in this VN... and while the VN was much more interesting than that lump of adorable pink crap, it had the down-side of being utterly predictable... to me. Now, I don't know how many of you are familiar with a particular VN fad that several major companies bought into about five years ago, where they did partial 'slice-of-life' VNs in faux-medieval settings. This fad resulted in some good VNs, lots of mediocre ones, and a few truly horrible ones. This falls somewhere in between the good and the mediocre, in the sense that it hits all the points such VNs were 'expected' to hit (princess heroines, action scenes - though not necessarily good ones - and lots of slice-of-life). Seikishi has the benefit of a decent set of heroines... but their roles are so archetypical for this type of VN that I had to shake my head in exasperation. The only one that wasn't completely cookie-cutter was Rill, and she had her own issues. I'll be perfectly honest with you... I'm downright pissed off that Akabeisoft3 wasted my time with this VN. The Juukishi team seems to be incapable of escaping their roots, and the results were a VN that was disappointingly predictable in overall structure, right down the obstacles in each heroine's path. This isn't a horrible VN... but considering that Akabeisoft3 has access to many teams that actually write good VNs, I was more than a little miffed that they wasted funding on a moe-bait medieval slice-of-life with an excessive amount of H-scenes. Why am I being so overboard with the bashing here? It is mostly because I started getting tired about halfway through this VN. Flay's path was decent, as was Sefui's... but I really did feel like I was retreading old ground from beginning to end. While I don't generally expect brilliance from a team that specializes in moe-variants, it was still a frustrating experience to have it so completely fail to differ from my expectations in any way. I almost would have enjoyed this more if it had been a Walkure Romance-type battle sport VN, as several of the characters felt like they'd been extracted directly from that VN, with slightly different roles. Like most VNs with a partial action focus, the protagonist is generally the deciding factor for me on whether the VN is actually worth the effort... and unfortunately, the protagonist feels too much like a non-entity from beginning to end for me to actually believe he is attracting a set of such pretty and capable females. Edit: Almost forgot... basically, this VN is suitable for people who like a fusion between moe-elements, mild action, and faux-medieval settings. While this VN isn't one I'd personally want to go back to, it is nonetheless one of the better ones of the type.