TheDeadApostle

That's very true. But the thing is, so far I've received good feedback regarding the first chapter. That means that something's being done right regardless of the excess 'telling'. Heck, I got praised somewhere for my description. It's not that I'm overconfident (I have a slight nervous breakdown when showing it to someone else for judging) but I feel like the first chapter is alright for the most part. If I was the only one to have judged it then it'd be ridiculous but now I have feedback from other people. Also, I could choose to 'show' everything but then that means it would take longer to get to the point <- Note: This is one of the recurring problems I've received. Yes I know why word count is important. I actually did some research on it for planning purposes. The thing is, I want to get it published in a physical form someday (if possible). So, word count is important. From what I've seen, Sci-Fi has less restrictions but I'd like to use less words anyways. Of course, if the the work was completely unreadable then that'd be a problem but judging from my feedback, it seems alright (even good) for the most part (I need to get rid of the passive voice and some clunky sentences. More showing when possible but less emphasis on that). Splitting it into two is a definite no though. You might be completely correct, but first, I want to finish the book in a way that I'm comfortable with before giving it to an editor to hack away at it.

Wow it's been a while hasn't it? @Darklord Rooke I totally understand where you're coming from. Showing and not telling is one of the things I was advised to do before starting this work. The thing is though, that "showing" costs reasonably more. That is to say in terms of word count. Word count is especially important when it comes to getting a novel published and so I'm trying to cut down on it a bit. That isn't to say that I don't intend to show at all though. Just that it's something I'll think more of doing when I finish the novel and have an idea of the word count. As of now most people I've showed this to(some of which were writers themselves) seem pleased with how the first chapter went so I'm not very inclined to change it . If anything I've been told it's really wordy and can still be cut down. Thanks a lot for the advice though. @Thread I'm still open to criticism. Oh yeah and I've posted new chapters (up till chapter 6) https://www.scribd.com/document/330163020/The-Modern-Day-Legend-of-Gideon-6 .

Hmm I see where you're coming from but (and I hope I don't sound proud) I don't really agree .Part of the point of this introduction is to create a sort of intrigue regarding the world that I've built/planning to build .Detailed world-building happens to be something I plan to do with this work but I don't think I can open off with a heavy exposition chapter since it slows everything to a crawl .It also feels inelegant .I want the readers to ask stuff like "what is a conventional sorcerer?" and "what kind of magical world is this?" at first .That way I can call on their curiosity for the time being .If I decide to chock the first chapter with detailed explanations then what happens ? Leaving out the explanations for several things was intentional .Conventional sorcerers being one of them .It's all a part of how I plan to gradually add in the worldbuilding .The second chapter which I'm on right now has a reasonable amount of that ."Teleporter" was capitalized because it's a term which heavily relates to a group of people .It's a magic related term and so I wanted to put emphasis on it ."Conventional" wasn't capitalized because it was an adjective .Also I gave a short explanation on homunculi (which I'll add to in the next few chapters) in this chapter . The use of "sorcerer" and not "sorceress" is something I'll correct .Originally I had a piece of trivia that I wanted to add concerning that but I've scrapped it for something more interesting . @Dergonu and @Shikomizue Thanks a lot .If possible I'd like you to take a look at what Velociraptor has said since it's possible that I'm mistaken .

And I need you guys to help me judge the first chapter . Now hold on a second .Before you see this as a pain in the ass to do and skip it for something more fun ,I'm begging you here .I'm not asking for any comprehensive summary of how you found it .If i can't get your attention in the first few paragraphs then that's my fault .If you do read it to the end just tell me what you like/dislike most . Now without further ado...... Oh the name of the book is :The Modern Day Legend Of Gideon . I've also posted it on scribd so here you go https://www.scribd.com/document/330163020/The-Modern-Day-Legend-of-Gideon-6 .It goes all the way to chapter 6.

Lies lies . Don't give hope to my fragile heart . If it doesn't air I'll be disappointed again .

Unlimited Blade Works is the best route .That's what I think anyways .The symbolism plus the Shirou/Archer relationship is probably the most awesome thing that I've read/experienced regarding Japanese medium .HF has pacing issues and a heroine that's unlikable unless you can sympathize with her .

Plz .We all know that HF sucks apart from Kirei .

That's me . I've only read F/SN (which I loved) and Tsukihime . Melty Blood is also a sort of VN (though it's mostly a fighting game) so there's that too . I suppose you could say I'm a Type-Moon fanaitc in general . Nice to meet you and I'm open to recommendations .