marmoon

Hi @Benji Price: Thanks for your feedback! I hope that Haley doesn't come across as someone who's stuck in the past, but you can decide that =). About the setting, I didn't give it much attention in the script as well, hoping that the background art will do the trick. The story is set in modern day, real world. My initial draft is very, very drafty - so I think I may be blind to errors/inconsistencies (that will probably scream out to you). Being my first completed draft, I'll appreciate any opinion you have!

Thanks Novel21 & DharmaFreedom for the kind feedback! @DharmaFreedom: Such useful pointers! I have made some edits based on your suggestions, feel free to let me know your thoughts when you have a chance A more specific response on a few points: What am I trying to convey? I want to give readers a sense of what kind of story it is: a melancholic string of memories woven to tell an intimate tale of lost love. To whom am I trying to convey this blurb? To YA fans of VNs, looking for more grounded slice-of-life that retains some level of light-heartedness. Thanks for making me think about these questions. I will continue to think of how I can better reflect these messages in the short confinements of a blurb... Nope, in no way offended. Feeling lucky and truly appreciate your pennies.

Update 2017/03/21: The blurb will get revised based on your feedback! Hi Guys, I have written a short story (10-15k slice of life), and suddenly realised I haven't thought if the premise is good enough! That is why I am mulling in a smack-in-the-face moment and wondering what was I doing with my past two months. Here's a blurb for the short story: 1) Are you interested in the premise? If not, how do you think it can be revved up? 2) Are you interested in the character? 3) Do you think the blurb can be improved? Any suggestions welcomed! 4) Are you interested to be a beta reader of this short story? Thanks! -Marmoon Previous Versions: 1 ----

Hi Fuyunokawa, If I make a Comemrcial VN in future, will definitely look for you! The artwork looks good and reasonably priced in my opinion. Hope you get some business -Marmoon

A publisher approaching you sounds like the best thing ever! I can understand why your partner is cautious - getting involved with the publisher too early on might influence the direction of your work. It could be good, it could be bad, who knows? An added person to the equation will most likely change the dynamics of your team. A few questions: 1) Is the publisher well known? Can you find their website? 2) What are the publisher's previous works? Is it in line with what your team is writing? 3) What is the publisher offering? Downpayment? Contract? Royalties?