Ask a Fuwan (Advice thread)

[hsmsful]

He doesn't bite... he just eats people whole. :> no but don't worry he's a pretty cool guy

 

I'm afraid he's known for his "Infinite Stomach".  I'll let you figure that one out.

 

Cool as long as he doesn't bite , I am ok. I don't mind getting eaten whole I think 

@hsms - about your female friend problem.. I'd say just go confront her.  I know it'll be awkward, but sometimes it's better than agonizing over the possibilities forever.  If you wait, it's still most likely going to end up the same way.  In my opinion, if a guy tells a girl he's interested... and she doesn't respond or follow-up on it, it means She's Not Interested in dating you (or just wants to stay friends, not wanting to ruin the way things currently are).  

 

It's really up to you whether you want to keep what you have with her.. if you don't mind feeling the way you do (unrequitted) and want to stay friends.  Just know, you're sorta letting her do this to you, and if you want it to stop, you have to let her know.

I don't know tbh... I think it's mainly because I have had feelings for her for some time now and I still do so I wanna be with her ... You can say that I am in the denial phase   , I just don't wanna believe that she's not interested and therefore just branch into numerous infinite number of possibilities to find an excuse. I think I will just leave it at this , actually it is a good thing that we are aiming for different fields, that way we won't meet each other much in senior year and we won't meet each other at all after that so we will walk our separate paths. I guess it could turn otherwise if I do confront her again but I will be honest, I don't have the courage to. So Imma avoid it and go with the most probable possibility which is that she's not interested. 

[rainsismyfav]

 

 

 

Cool as long as he doesn't bite , I am ok. I don't mind getting eaten whole I think 

I don't know tbh... I think it's mainly because I have had feelings for her for some time now and I still do so I wanna be with her ... You can say that I am in the denial phase   , I just don't wanna believe that she's not interested and therefore just branch into numerous infinite number of possibilities to find an excuse. I think I will just leave it at this , actually it is a good thing that we are aiming for different fields, that way we won't meet each other much in senior year and we won't meet each other at all after that so we will walk our separate paths. I guess it could turn otherwise if I do confront her again but I will be honest, I don't have the courage to. So Imma avoid it and go with the most probable possibility which is that she's not interested. 

 

 

My advice to you is to let go of her ASAP. You don't know if you are closing off other opportunities with other girls because you're so tunnel visioned on this particular one. I experienced this before multiple times in middle + high school. I have never noticed that this other girl liked me, until after I confessed and got rejected with my current one and moved on. Recovery phase really sucks and I'm not surprised you naturally went into Denial mode. You'll be better off in the long run to accept reality, start looking for others. 

 

Start by admiring other people.

 

My personal advice to others is to *posture* as soon as you know you have the feelings. Posture being, show her that you want to elevate the relationship above friendship. If your partner seems oblivious to flirtation or your romantic attempts, then be more direct. I feel really bad being stuck in a limbo not knowing what the other person thinks about me. I think people get friendzoned because they #1. Never posture or #2 are in Denial after receiving too many negative feedback. Liking someone does put a bias in our mentality but we have to get over that to seek more meaningful relationships.

[Zodai]

Romance is usually complicated - in-general I'd go forward assuming she doesn't have feelings for you but try to search for possibilities anyway.  Look for situations that theoretically have a positive result in the worlds where she both does and doesn't have feelings for you.  And as Rain said, try not to tunnel vision.  Keep looking for other avenues if at all possible.

[hsmsful]

Thanks for the advices, guys. I think I know what do about both my problems now  

[blahblahblahxxx]

Thanks for the advices, guys. I think I know what do about both my problems now

Awhh mannnn... Did I come here too late? And I was all ready to give you advice n stuff... Well Imma say it anyway cause I can.

 

Well for the first problem, I'm not sure that it sounds like complete narcissism. It kinda sounds to me like you just don't like what those people do, and you believe that they way you do things is better. Which is natural. But this is just the way I personally see it. Just like sanahtlig said, I'm not a professional so I'm not tryna sound like it's a fact.

 

Second prob, I think I know what that girl is doing (not trying to generalize girls again), but this is something I see very often, in both genders actually. She probably felt extra weird and uncomfortable for a guy, that she supposedly doesn't like, to confess to her. She probably didn't wanna face the problem, so when she finally responded, she just acted like nothing happened. I'm not gonna say to drop her as a friend, I'm just saying that someone who is too cowardly to be real with you and tell you how she feels straight up, isn't worth having a relationship with. There would be no trust. Plus if she uses you then you'll never be sure if she's dating you for the right reasons. And never be okay with being used. I'm sure you are a nice guy and deserve better than being treated like trash.

[arakura]

Help! My friends think I'm being passive-aggressive and annoyed when I really just said more than I should have and don't want to say any more!

 

But I really do need to work on my talking skills. I feel like I say too much to my online friends and too little to my physical ones.

Though I also feel like most of the problems people run into can be solved with some hard work and deep thought.

You know what I really want? Strong friendships. I have a few, but these are the best. You know, someone who you can always talk to about all sorts of things and can rely on and all that jazz. And would rely on you for the same. Is it reasonable to try to build friendships, or is it wiser to let them happen as they do?

[Zodai]

Help! My friends think I'm being passive-aggressive and annoyed when I really just said more than I should have and don't want to say any more!

 

But I really do need to work on my talking skills. I feel like I say too much to my online friends and too little to my physical ones.

Though I also feel like most of the problems people run into can be solved with some hard work and deep thought.

You know what I really want? Strong friendships. I have a few, but these are the best. You know, someone who you can always talk to about all sorts of things and can rely on and all that jazz. And would rely on you for the same. Is it reasonable to try to build friendships, or is it wiser to let them happen as they do?

 

I'd say it's reasonable to try and build friendships.  I'm the kind who prefers deeper connections as opposed to a lot of shallower ones, but you need to start at the shallow level for those deeper ones to grow.  They're a result of interaction as opposed to just happening.  See if anyone interests you, try interact with them and see how it works out.

[hsmsful]

Awhh mannnn... Did I come here too late? And I was all ready to give you advice n stuff... Well Imma say it anyway cause I can.

 

Well for the first problem, I'm not sure that it sounds like complete narcissism. It kinda sounds to me like you just don't like what those people do, and you believe that they way you do things is better. Which is natural. But this is just the way I personally see it. Just like sanahtlig said, I'm not a professional so I'm not tryna sound like it's a fact.

 

Second prob, I think I know what that girl is doing (not trying to generalize girls again), but this is something I see very often, in both genders actually. She probably felt extra weird and uncomfortable for a guy, that she supposedly doesn't like, to confess to her. She probably didn't wanna face the problem, so when she finally responded, she just acted like nothing happened. I'm not gonna say to drop her as a friend, I'm just saying that someone who is too cowardly to be real with you and tell you how she feels straight up, isn't worth having a relationship with. There would be no trust. Plus if she uses you then you'll never be sure if she's dating you for the right reasons. And never be okay with being used. I'm sure you are a nice guy and deserve better than being treated like trash.

You are never too late!

 

Well if this is natural, then it is ok. If it is not and I am a actually a narcissist, I will try to find a solution myself then.

 

Yeah I get what you mean. That's what I suspect the most. She is not interested and is too afraid to face me with the truth. I will try to continue a good friend and answer her questions about anything regarding studying but if she doesn't want our friendship to be anything other than that, I am okay with it... tabun... anyways I will leave the whole thing as it is. As for being used or not, I am ok with being used as long as being used is not a nuisance for me. Since my classmates usually ask me about easy questions, I am ok with it. It's not like I am wasting too much effort or time.

Help! My friends think I'm being passive-aggressive and annoyed when I really just said more than I should have and don't want to say any more!

 

But I really do need to work on my talking skills. I feel like I say too much to my online friends and too little to my physical ones.

Though I also feel like most of the problems people run into can be solved with some hard work and deep thought.

You know what I really want? Strong friendships. I have a few, but these are the best. You know, someone who you can always talk to about all sorts of things and can rely on and all that jazz. And would rely on you for the same. Is it reasonable to try to build friendships, or is it wiser to let them happen as they do?

Despite being on the skype group since August last year, it's sad that I never talked to you. Nonetheless whether it is on the internet or irl, a friendship is a friendship. I would say it is wiser to let friendships happen as they do , going after friendships and trying to build them is tedious and usually fails but maybe that's just me.

[crunchytaco]

Most people who feel ashamed of their narcissism aren't real narcs in my opinion. I tend to display narcissistic tendencies during my bipolar highs, but that doesn't necessarily mean I have a narc disorder as another example. Mental disorders can mimic PDs on some fronts. 

 

True Narcs always have their switch on. Their low esteem isn't expressed through self-berating and reflection but through indignation and excuses. They always feel slighted and intimidate others into admitting their mistakes, but they're never wrong. 

 

If anything, more people on Fuwa lean towards schizoid PD than narc. 

[Tyrael]

Well, I found out my dating profile never got posted

 

my sis said she'd take care of it but she didn't

 

fml

[crunchytaco]

I need advice on photoshop clean up for a real person

 

 

This photo will be placed on an altar in a Buddhist home

 

I want to remove as much noise as possible without softening the photo. I'm trying to avoid basic methods like bandage and clone. 

[sanahtlig]

I recommend hiring an anime artist to redraw it as a cartoon caricature.  The result wouldn't be all that different from traditional portrait techniques (of drawing an idealized representation rather than the person standing in front of them).

[Cyrillej1]

You know what I really want? Strong friendships. I have a few, but these are the best. You know, someone who you can always talk to about all sorts of things and can rely on and all that jazz. And would rely on you for the same. Is it reasonable to try to build friendships, or is it wiser to let them happen as they do?

I feel the same way.  I really try to cherish the ones that I can be that way with, because such connections are rare gems (for me at least).  In my entire life, I've met only like one person I felt that way with so far...

 

You'd want to at least Try to be open to getting to know more people and create opportunities to make friends.  Though, I think similar to dating, the best kinds of connections happen when you don't force it, like natural chemistry (you just click with certain people).  Still, you'd need to put yourself in situations to make friends in the first place before you could even test your connection.

 

I do think you should put some work into friendships if you want them for the longterm & deeper connection.. show effort to keep in touch, help when they are in trouble (equal give&take), remember things about them or w/e so you're not just treating them like any other fair weather friend.  But I don't think you should try too hard where you'll be putting more energy into it than you can keep doing in the long-run.  Don't try too hard to the point you're not acting like you normally would.. people usually want genuine friends, and they'll probably sense the difference if you suddenly change how you act later.

[crunchytaco]

This is the best I my limited "photoshop real humans" could do to remove artifacts and preserve as much detail as possible. The original was a photo that could fit in your pocket. I had to blow up to a 7" x 11" use. 

 

[LiquidShu]

Hello Fuwans,

 

If you guys were going to stream how would you make your playlist? Based on your own preference or a mix of everything? How would you make the playlists? Smaller playlists, larger playlists, or playlists focused on one things vs a mosh pit of your music on shuffle? 

 

I was going to make smaller playlists with a mix of everything spread out between them but I just can't make up my mind. Thanks for your advice

[Zodai]

Hello Fuwans,

 

If you guys were going to stream how would you make your playlist? Based on your own preference or a mix of everything? How would you make the playlists? Smaller playlists, larger playlists, or playlists focused on one things vs a mosh pit of your music on shuffle? 

 

I was going to make smaller playlists with a mix of everything spread out between them but I just can't make up my mind. Thanks for your advice

 

Personal preference.  Aside from just having it play better, your choice in music will help you connect to fans of a particular interest/style.  It's best to have a following that grows that you connect well with than trying to go for mass appeal and coming out appealing to no one.

[LiquidShu]

Personal preference.  Aside from just having it play better, your choice in music will help you connect to fans of a particular interest/style.  It's best to have a following that grows that you connect well with than trying to go for mass appeal and coming out appealing to no one.

 

Thanks, time to spam Korean hip hop 

[blahblahblahxxx]

I feel the same way.  I really try to cherish the ones that I can be that way with, because such connections are rare gems (for me at least).  In my entire life, I've met only like one person I felt that way with so far...

 

You'd want to at least Try to be open to getting to know more people and create opportunities to make friends.  Though, I think similar to dating, the best kinds of connections happen when you don't force it, like natural chemistry (you just click with certain people).  Still, you'd need to put yourself in situations to make friends in the first place before you could even test your connection.

 

I do think you should put some work into friendships if you want them for the longterm & deeper connection.. show effort to keep in touch, help when they are in trouble (equal give&take), remember things about them or w/e so you're not just treating them like any other fair weather friend.  But I don't think you should try too hard where you'll be putting more energy into it than you can keep doing in the long-run.  Don't try too hard to the point you're not acting like you normally would.. people usually want genuine friends, and they'll probably sense the difference if you suddenly change how you act later.

^this

[Nosebleed]

Hello Fuwans,

If you guys were going to stream how would you make your playlist? Based on your own preference or a mix of everything? How would you make the playlists? Smaller playlists, larger playlists, or playlists focused on one things vs a mosh pit of your music on shuffle?

I was going to make smaller playlists with a mix of everything spread out between them but I just can't make up my mind. Thanks for your advice

Make a playlist of the stuff you like to hear, that's what it's meant for after all.

As for length, have a rough idea of the stream time.

Alternatively, create like a 20 hour playlist so you know you won't run out of songs.

[Flutterz]

Not asking for advice, but apparently if you want someone to talk to and don't want them to put a face to it, this site is pretty good http://www.7cupsoftea.com/

[sanahtlig]

Not asking for advice, but apparently if you want someone to talk to and don't want them to put a face to it, this site is pretty good http://www.7cupsoftea.com/

[Flutterz]

I'm confused what a "trained listener" is.  I'm pretty sure a wall will listen to me--no training required either.

[Tyrael]

I'm confused what a "trained listener" is.  I'm pretty sure a wall will listen to me--no training required either.

[Tyrael]

All right, dear fuwans I have another problem I need your advice on.

Wednesday I received a message from a girl I went to college with for three years. We were not particularly close, but we got along pretty well. I can even say I did kind of like her back then but I never acted on it because she was a very shy girl and I was scared I might scare her off. She was never the type to talk much, but I noticed she felt comfortable enough around me to open up a bit and have a somewhat normal conversation. Since she was very shy and also had a very soft voice (she told me she was unable to speak up any more than her normal voice, which was hell during presentations and such) she'd get drowned out very fast in group conversations which meant I had to talk to her in private (more or less) quite often if something was bothering her. Anyways, fast forward to this week, I receive a message from her asking how I'm doing and what I'm studying in uni now. Please note we haven't seen or talked to each other since graduation (september last year) so I was kind of suspicious at first (what does she want from me?) and I answered with a brief summary of how my life has been so far and asking her how she's doing. She seems fairly enthousiastic and asks me when my exams will be ending, hinting at the possibility of us meeting up after that. Of course, my heart nearly exploded after seeing that, but I responded with a relatively long message (she asked a couple of questions after all) and half an hour later I added that my exams were ending the 23rd (I forgot the most important part, I'm smart like that). Now, I know she saw my answer since facebook gives you a timestamp when people have read your message, but it's four days later and she still hasn't answered me back... Now, I know she's been online because I have seen her like people's pictures (thank you FB wall). So, is she toying with me or am I just being paranoid?

[hsmsful]

All right, dear fuwans I have another problem I need your advice on.

Wednesday I received a message from a girl I went to college with for three years. We were not particularly close, but we got along pretty well. I can even say I did kind of like her back then but I never acted on it because she was a very shy girl and I was scared I might scare her off. She was never the type to talk much, but I noticed she felt comfortable enough around me to open up a bit and have a somewhat normal conversation. Since she was very shy and also had a very soft voice (she told me she was unable to speak up any more than her normal voice, which was hell during presentations and such) she'd get drowned out very fast in group conversations which meant I had to talk to her in private (more or less) quite often if something was bothering her. Anyways, fast forward to this week, I receive a message from her asking how I'm doing and what I'm studying in uni now. Please note we haven't seen or talked to each other since graduation (september last year) so I was kind of suspicious at first (what does she want from me?) and I answered with a brief summary of how my life has been so far and asking her how she's doing. She seems fairly enthousiastic and asks me when my exams will be ending, hinting at the possibility of us meeting up after that. Of course, my heart nearly exploded after seeing that, but I responded with a relatively long message (she asked a couple of questions after all) and half an hour later I added that my exams were ending the 23rd (I forgot the most important part, I'm smart like that). Now, I know she saw my answer since facebook gives you a timestamp when people have read your message, but it's four days later and she still hasn't answered me back... Now, I know she's been online because I have seen her like people's pictures (thank you FB wall). So, is she toying with me or am I just being paranoid?

I'd say that the best thing when it comes to relationships irl is to expect the worst so expect that she's toying with you. There's still a big probability and I mean a very big probability that she doesn't know what to do now since she's terribly shy according to what u said. So you have to consider that and ask her later on (not now thou, make it a bit closer to 23rd like ask her on the 20th or smth , that's how I see it.)