An Overwhelming feeling of Despair

[Darizuka]

Please bare with my rant..

I moved back to my country of birth because of my xultural background.. as a first born son.. tis a duty to work and inherit family business and its expected of me.

In returning to this god forsaken country im in, i had to break up with the love of my life.. we tried to make it work log distant but after a year.. its hard on her and such.. but i promised her i will do whatever i can to be better and take her away with me... a fairytale ending of sorts...

....today i just found out yesterday she got married in real life.

I am actually really happy for her.

But deep down i further loathed myself and feel like i want to cry out in pain.

Though i manage to try and hold on and handle today at work as any other usual day.. my minds at blank and i feel somewhat... conflicted inside. I want her to be happy yet i also crave happiness for my own..

....im such a selfish fuckwit.

...this feeling is overwhelming.. i guess...

i dont even know what to feel at this point.

[Heizei_koukousei]

If I may ask, what kind of business are you supposed to be inheriting?

 

What you feel is completely normal if you truly loved that girl, so you aren't being selfish. I must say now that no amount of consoling talk will make your pain go away immediately, only time can heal wounds like those. But you can think about how if she is getting married, she is probably satisfied with how her life has ended up. You were likely a contributing factor toward making her who she is today. You should feel proud that you got to play a part in her life.

If you just found out today, you need time to sort things out so my best advice would be to go play a VN or something that makes you happy to distract yourself after a grueling day.

[Mr. Meogii]

I think your sense of loss is normal. It just shows how important she was to you. But I really think the best thing for you to do is move on. I'm sure she loved you, I am also sure that all she wants for you is for you to be happy. Like Heizei Said, no amount of advice will be able to make the pain go away. You are not a robot. It will take time for you to be able to completely move on from someone you love. It took me almost a year. 

 

Bottom line, just take baby steps and move forward. Don't look back because that is all in the past now.

[Darizuka]

If I may ask, what kind of business are you supposed to be inheriting?

What you feel is completely normal if you truly loved that girl, so you aren't being selfish. I must say now that no amount of consoling talk will make your pain go away immediately, only time can heal wounds like those. But you can think about how if she is getting married, she is probably satisfied with how her life has ended up. You were likely a contributing factor toward making her who she is today. You should feel proud that you got to play a part in her life.

If you just found out today, you need time to sort things out so my best advice would be to go play a VN or something that makes you happy to distract yourself after a grueling day.

Thanks... and ur right

Thats what i been saying to myself

And my danganropa 2 game is coming in for psvita today (i ordered)

Yeah i'll just be sketching gaming and simming...

Thanks..

My business is automotive spare parts

[Darizuka]

I think your sense of loss is normal. It just shows how important she was to you. But I really think the best thing for you to do is move on. I'm sure she loved you, I am also sure that all she wants for you is for you to be happy. Like Heizei Said, no amount of advice will be able to make the pain go away. You are not a robot. It will take time for you to be able to completely move on from someone you love. It took me almost a year.

Bottom line, just take baby steps and move forward. Don't look back because that is all in the past now.

Thanks.. i needed the support

Talking about it to my cousin

His reply is "go kill yourself"

As a joke.

And to another cousin whose a female and her reply is a "hahaha are you sad?"

....-_-

[Mr. Meogii]

Thanks.. i needed the support

Talking about it to my cousin

His reply is "go kill yourself"

As a joke.

And to another cousin whose a female and her reply is a "hahaha are you sad?"

.... -_-

 

You really will be fine Man. Trust me. You are stronger than this!

[Keaton]

In times of despair all you need is some pizza 

[Soradragoon]

Don't call your selfish because you are not, is too recent, and will cost you to see things in perspective. Only time attenuates those feelings, but I'm sure you can handle it. I'm sure the time you spent with her was good for both of you, stay with the good things and keep going.

[Mephisto]

I'm not a therapist, nor do I have any experience in regards to the human psyche, but if I was to make an uneducated opinion it sounds you have some issues with low self esteem, or put on a veil of low self esteem to conceal/protect yourself. 

 

If affordable, I would recommend doctoral help. If that is not an option,  I would attempt to carry out the following procedure. (Take these suggestions with a grain of salt) 

 

1. Reestablish what your daily routine is, and adhere to it strictly until you feel you have attained a semblance of stability. 

 

2. Examine yourself, or at the very least figure out what it is that you want, and what is needed to achieve that. 

 

3. Evaluate whether or not you truly want that, and whether you are willing to do what is necessary to achieve it. 

 

I'd try to keep thoughts grounded in reality though. 

[Darizuka]

In times of despair all you need is some pizza

Theres no pork in the pizA in the country im in. Everything is halal

[Darizuka]

I'm not a therapist, nor do I have any experience in regards to the human psyche, but if I was to make an uneducated opinion it sounds you have some issues with low self esteem, or put on a veil of low self esteem to conceal/protect yourself.

If affordable, I would recommend doctoral help. If that is not an option, I would attempt to carry out the following procedure. (Take these suggestions with a grain of salt)

1. Reestablish what your daily routine is, and adhere to it strictly until you feel you have attained a semblance of stability.

2. Examine yourself, or at the very least figure out what it is that you want, and what is needed to achieve that.

3. Evaluate whether or not you truly want that, and whether you are willing to do what is necessary to achieve it.

I'd try to keep thoughts grounded in reality though.

Well i was born with a facial disfigurement which required me to have years of surgery.

its all better now... but its something thats a mental scar.

Uhmmm.... im living in a 3rd world country now... and i dont trust doctors here.

Last time my cousin hurt his penis. Doctor said they need to cut it off or else he would die and he needs the surgery urgently.

Luckily we convinced his parents to fly to singapore to go check up.

In singapore the doctor said to just apply a cream on it 3x a day for a week and it was cured.

Now u see the horror of 3rd world doctors

[jeftai]

Well i was born with a facial disfigurement which required me to have years of surgery.

its all better now... but its something thats a mental scar.

Uhmmm.... im living in a 3rd world country now... and i dont trust doctors here.

Last time my cousin hurt his penis. Doctor said they need to cut it off or else he would die and he needs the surgery urgently.

Luckily we convinced his parents to fly to singapore to go check up.

In singapore the doctor said to just apply a cream on it 3x a day for a week and it was cured.

Now u see the horror of 3rd world doctors

iam probably an bad person but i chuckled at the thought ow that actually happening.

but anyway if your depressed and insecure try finding stuff to do to make you lose thoughts of the things that make you depressed.

as in dont think about it most here already said so but time heals most wounds.

[Funyarinpa]

Thanks... and ur right

Thats what i been saying to myself

And my danganropa 2 game is coming in for psvita today (i ordered)

Yeah i'll just be sketching gaming and simming...

Thanks..

My business is automotive spare parts

 

I knew it the moment I saw the title.

 

 

On a serious note though, since I have not gone through anything remotely similar, I don't have any advice for you.

[crunchytaco]

That's harsh.

 

There's always someone out there no matter where you go though. For me, after experiencing being in love once and playing married couple for two years was enough in this life. I can look back and say, "I did this; it's over; time to move on to the next part," without many regrets now - a burden lifted off my shoulder. The best favor you could have done for yourself was to not get married with her. I'm not saying she was in the wrong, but clearly she and you had different expectations for each other and she didn't meet your standards of love by getting married first. Every thing in life happens for a reason and this was the litmus test for the both of you. Sorry to say, but she didn't pass. Be glad you didn't end up marrying her sooner and ended up stuck with kids,

 

You've just inherited a business. Try focusing on making money now and fantasize about building an Empire . Those challenges never get boring. 

[Tay]

I'm not a therapist, nor do I have any experience in regards to the human psyche, but if I was to make an uneducated opinion it sounds you have some issues with low self esteem, or put on a veil of low self esteem to conceal/protect yourself. 

 

If affordable, I would recommend doctoral help. If that is not an option,  I would attempt to carry out the following procedure. (Take these suggestions with a grain of salt) 

 

1. Reestablish what your daily routine is, and adhere to it strictly until you feel you have attained a semblance of stability. 

 

2. Examine yourself, or at the very least figure out what it is that you want, and what is needed to achieve that. 

 

3. Evaluate whether or not you truly want that, and whether you are willing to do what is necessary to achieve it. 

 

I'd try to keep thoughts grounded in reality though. 

I'll add:

• Give yourself time to grieve, but also specifically set aside time to not think about it and do things you enjoy
• Spend a little more time than normal being with friends and family 
• Pay a lot of attention to the way you think about and talk about yourself. Stop yourself when you say (mentally or out loud) something cruel or unfair about yourself or your situation.

[arakura]

This might be a little 'bad' according to some people in here, but I tend to go with a 'just be' kind of attitude. It's like Mephisto's comment except without all the the strictness. People naturally will find ways to work through things, and the value of time should not be understated. Give it a while and I'm confident you'll feel better, bit by bit. I do think Mephisto is right when he says that you should find what you want and what you are willing to give to have it. In a more general sense, try to find yourself. Something like that. It's different for everybody. Tay and Mephisto seem to love schedules and routines. The closest I get to a schedule is my mental plan of how I'm going to spend the day or week. And I amend that by the hour. Basically, different things work for different people, so I wouldn't say 'find a daily routine' because sometimes balance isnt everything that matters.

 

When I feel down; When I mess up; When I do something I know I should not have done, the thing that has brought me the most comfort is this: use that as a stepping stone. And not in some vague sense of "learn from your mistakes," but more akin to "what will I do BECAUSE of this event that will make my future brighter, so that in the end I can look at this event and say 'this contributed to who I am in a positive way'". I don't know if this sounds crazy to you or everyone else, but what if you take this as an opportunity to find or do something amazing with yourself? What if you feel self-hating or generally terrible, and because of that you say to yourself "This is the event that has given me the impulse to do/be/change/acquire [whatever you want]". Then you can look back at it and it will be all worth it. That big and small tragedies are the impetuses for big and small improvements to my life in the long run is what keeps me from tearing myself apart when despair sinks in.

 

But if the above doesnt work for you, my best advice is to give it some time and try to have more fun than you're used to. Do something audacious and abnormal. You'll get better.

[Darizuka]

I got over it.

Slapped myself on both cheeks at same time

And said yo myself "focus on whats important"

[Ken-Ohki]

sadness is only natural only time will heal it

its been two years since my ex left me and im still going through pain from it.  so i guess what im trying to say is when you really love someone you will never stop loving and missing them  soooooo fight on *fist pump*