rainsismyfav Posted June 21, 2015 Posted June 21, 2015 As for that first part, what's an accurate way to posture that without pushing it too far? Early interactions seem to be where I'm faltering, or at the very least I'm having a hard time pushing past it. Communication is something I'm unsure I can play with as a variable, as I've so far been unable to find someone that responds quickly that I was interested in. I've felt so far that it might be a result of my own communication faults Small-talk isn't my favored either but it exists as a tool for the meatier conversations and relationships to follow. They're stepping stones, to say. You don't make small talk for small talk's sake but you make it in order to try to get to know them better. It all depends on the girl and there is really no cookie-cutter methodology to this. Only thing I can say are very general vague things that might apply to most. As for posturing you can do this subtly. For example, after a few weeks of getting to know someone (someone who's AT LEAST interested in being friends with you), you can ask "Wow, you're quite an interesting person, do you currently have a significant other??" To which, they'll either 1. Already Taken 2. Friendzone 3. Reject you And by the way, this meant that you're past the initiation stage, and the interest stage (aka you guys are now talking on a good constant pace). You can try to appeal with #2 and #3 and ask them if you think you have a chance. Look for their responses here. Don't push it too far if you're getting way too many negative responses. Give her time and space. If they're interested, they'll give you a chance. If not, I hope they'll flat out tell you or they'll start lessening the time they spend with you. Again this can be TOO direct, depending on the girl. I'm just envisioning scenarios here. I think it's best for you to get a girl-perspective here as I can be quite biased towards the male perspective. Don't give up too early, but don't push it way far too. Moderation in everything~ I don't know how you execute your communications but it needs to be natural~. First and foremost focus on the other person, comment on what they do, what their hobbies are etc. Get them to talk about themselves, if possible. Only then can you try to talk about yourself, talk about what you think will interest them about you. Don't force this; realize that girls have personal preferences just like you do and they might not be into what you are. If you are interested about writing, for example, and they don't seem to be as interested, you need to change the convo line to something else. Meh, I might just be rambling at this point, I think we should take this to pm... So far you got the small-talk idea OK, I think. You use them to lead you to more meaningful conversations. Quote
Wonderfullyevil Posted June 21, 2015 Posted June 21, 2015 Confession: I'm easy to satisfy when it comes to food. Almost any chocolate will do~. Fred the Barber 1 Quote
Zodai Posted June 21, 2015 Posted June 21, 2015 It all depends on the girl and there is really no cookie-cutter methodology to this. Only thing I can say are very general vague things that might apply to most. As for posturing you can do this subtly. For example, after a few weeks of getting to know someone (someone who's AT LEAST interested in being friends with you), you can ask "Wow, you're quite an interesting person, do you currently have a significant other??" To which, they'll either 1. Already Taken 2. Friendzone 3. Reject you And by the way, this meant that you're past the initiation stage, and the interest stage (aka you guys are now talking on a good constant pace). You can try to appeal with #2 and #3 and ask them if you think you have a chance. Look for their responses here. Don't push it too far if you're getting way too many negative responses. Give her time and space. If they're interested, they'll give you a chance. If not, I hope they'll flat out tell you or they'll start lessening the time they spend with you. Again this can be TOO direct, depending on the girl. I'm just envisioning scenarios here. I think it's best for you to get a girl-perspective here as I can be quite biased towards the male perspective. I don't know how you execute your communications but it needs to be natural~. First and foremost focus on the other person, comment on what they do, what their hobbies are etc. Get them to talk about themselves, if possible. Only then can you try to talk about yourself, talk about what you think will interest them about you. Don't force this; realize that girls have personal preferences just like you do and they might not be into what you are. If you are interested about writing, for example, and they don't seem to be as interested, you need to change the convo line to something else. Meh, I might just be rambling at this point, I think we should take this to pm... So far you got the small-talk idea OK, I think. You use them to lead you to more meaningful conversations. Doesn't seem too rambly on my end, really. Even depending on whether you think it's a bit much it has value when placed side-by-side with other interpretations of the subject. I suppose learning more natural communications is something I probably need to work on ><;; I'm aware it varies though that said general guidelines can be useful to apply as needed, at least theoretically. Quote
Wonderfullyevil Posted June 21, 2015 Posted June 21, 2015 ^White, milk, or dark Dark for me. Though if all 3 were present, I'd take a little of each. Quote
Flutterz Posted June 21, 2015 Posted June 21, 2015 Don't misunderstand me, when I ask that question, I'm not implying that they only wanna talk to youuu. I'm saying that this person may want someone, doesn't matter who, to approach them. Well then we're in the same boat, and while I realize how stupid and unproductive this is, if they don't want to do the thing that makes them anxious, why should I? how do you expect to get a job, or buy a house, or have kids? But things like a job or a home are more or less necessary (sure it's possible without, but it's a very different life), and when I need to talk to people, I do. Quote
Eclipsed Posted June 21, 2015 Posted June 21, 2015 Happy Father's Day to crunchytaco Zodai, Wonderfullyevil, Flutterz and 2 others 5 Quote
madvanced Posted June 21, 2015 Posted June 21, 2015 Well then we're in the same boat, and while I realize how stupid and unproductive this is, if they don't want to do the thing that makes them anxious, why should I? But things like a job or a home are more or less necessary (sure it's possible without, but it's a very different life), and when I need to talk to people, I do. Flutterz the more I read your last few posts here, the more I realise we are very alike. I actually used all those arguments(and trains of thought if you want to call them that) before in my life too. It just seems to be the way I "fit in" best. I especially understand the one about not really wanting to talk. I mean sure I would like to maybe have a better social life, both in terms of friends and potentially have a partner, but talking just to talk(no real knowledge of what the topic will be and stuff like that) really puts me off. That may be just my social awkwardness and anxiety talking.P.S. - I may or may have not been the person that referred to the notion that we can want a relationship without having someone in mind Quote
Tyrael Posted June 21, 2015 Posted June 21, 2015 And she keeps bringing up what I said when I was younger (very younger): that I would marry her. I must've been out of myself then. You know what they say: A real man takes responsibility Quote
Flutterz Posted June 21, 2015 Posted June 21, 2015 P.S. - I may or may have not been the person that referred to the notion that we can want a relationship without having someone in mind You might have been, but I was too tired and didn't care enough to go look. Quote
starlessn1ght Posted June 21, 2015 Posted June 21, 2015 You know what they say: A real man takes responsibility I'm no man, I'm still a boy! So I don't have to take responsibility. Quote
Wonderfullyevil Posted June 21, 2015 Posted June 21, 2015 I'm no man, I'm still a boy! So I don't have to take responsibility. 3 more years~ Also, whoever Komari-chan is will be irritated. I doubt polygamy is attractive. Quote
starlessn1ght Posted June 21, 2015 Posted June 21, 2015 3 more years~ Also, whoever Komari-chan is will be irritated. I doubt polygamy is attractive. Go on and call me a fake man, but I won't be marrying my cousin. Ever. Quote
Tyrael Posted June 21, 2015 Posted June 21, 2015 Go on and call me a fake man, but I won't be marrying my cousin. Ever. Wow that poor girl Quote
Cyrillej1 Posted June 21, 2015 Posted June 21, 2015 And Flutterz, you're completely missing the point. Nobody ever looks at a random person and goes "oh hey I wanna be their friend!" Talking to people leads to friendships. Confession: Umm, I've thought that plenty of times... lol. Sometimes I'll act on that feeling and take initiative to get to know them, and other times I'll just internally wish I could be their friend . Probably because I sometimes observe people, and they seem nice. blahblahblahxxx and Flutterz 2 Quote
Tyrael Posted June 21, 2015 Posted June 21, 2015 Confession: Umm, I've thought that plenty of times... lol. Sometimes I'll act on that feeling and take initiative to get to know them, and other times I'll just internally wish I could be their friend . Probably because I sometimes observe people, and they seem nice. Confession: I've never thought that about anyone, but a lot of the girls in my class in college told me they did think that way about me. Quote
Flutterz Posted June 21, 2015 Posted June 21, 2015 Confession: Umm, I've thought that plenty of times... lol. Sometimes I'll act on that feeling and take initiative to get to know them, and other times I'll just internally wish I could be their friend . Probably because I sometimes observe people, and they seem nice. Quote
hsmsful Posted June 21, 2015 Posted June 21, 2015 I am fashionably late to any conversations here as usual. I never did find it hard to interact with people tbh. Of course if u don't know anyone then it is hard. Then I found a solution (took me long enough , dumb me) which is look for a thing to do which will get u to know more people. As surprising as it seems, I was never really socially awkward. Heck I started talking with people of different ages in the gym/school/tennis/volleyball. I am not really looking for a relationship so that's where I am different. I just don't wanna be lonely. As far as the conversation goes , u will find yourself and the other one picking up the conversation and changing it rapidly. Maybe that's only in my case since then again people said there's a weird attraction in the unique way I speak and the way my tone is , it just makes people wanna speak to me. I have been told that a lot so now that I think about it , I might be the worst guy to give u advices on this matter. Quote
Shoon-kami Posted June 21, 2015 Posted June 21, 2015 When I was younger, I was incredibly social. I would talk to anyone and everyone, and try to make as many friends as possible. I just loved getting to talk to others, to get to know them. Then, when I entered high school, everyone I knew just started drifting away. They started playing football, basketball, some became cheerleaders, and others just lost interest. I found that I was also losing any desire to talk with them, so maybe it was my fault? I actually found two of my closest friends in my high school years, both of which are otaku. I guess I just lost any desire to talk to people who are too different from me. Quote
madvanced Posted June 21, 2015 Posted June 21, 2015 I'm the type of person that needs something situational that forces people to be with me due to those circumstances. Then the eventuality is a relationship sprouting from there or not. Be like me and talk to your waifu :3 You filthy 萌犬 Quote
Fred the Barber Posted June 21, 2015 Posted June 21, 2015 You are living a sad life When I first read this, I thought it was a response to all the social anxiety + relationship difficulty talk, and I was thinking "that's a bit harsh...". Now I see it's in response to the senseless nutella hate. Preach on, Funya! Quote
Tyrael Posted June 21, 2015 Posted June 21, 2015 Be like me and talk to your waifu :3 This is great advice if you want people to think you're a fucking weirdo and avoid you Quote
Yuuko Posted June 21, 2015 Posted June 21, 2015 This is great advice if you want people to think you're a fucking weirdo and avoid you Like they don't think that already xD For those who are wondering: No, I don't talk to my waifus. Quote
Flutterz Posted June 21, 2015 Posted June 21, 2015 Like they don't think that already xD For those who are wondering: No, I don't talk to my waifus. I do q_q Quote
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