TexasDice Posted June 21, 2015 Posted June 21, 2015 I'm just a dick to people I don't know. Seeing as I wasn't stabbed or shot so far, I guess living like this is works just fine. blahblahblahxxx 1 Quote
Cyrillej1 Posted June 21, 2015 Posted June 21, 2015 As for that first part, what's an accurate way to posture that without pushing it too far? Early interactions seem to be where I'm faltering, or at the very least I'm having a hard time pushing past it. Communication is something I'm unsure I can play with as a variable, as I've so far been unable to find someone that responds quickly that I was interested in. I've felt so far that it might be a result of my own communication faults. If it isn't a personal fault, then it starts going into Catch-22 territory - you need to communicate for someone to gain an interest in you, but they won't communicate unless they're already interested. blahblahblahxxx, Zodai and Flutterz 3 Quote
Zodai Posted June 21, 2015 Posted June 21, 2015 I'll try to give my perspective, but remember... I'm just one person and may not be like the general female population. For me.. I don't really get attracted to males solely on physical appearance. Sure, there's a base line of what I consider date-able, so as long as a guy passes that point, it will help. Date-able physical appearance-wise to me, is like say, I can imagine myself being couply w/the person without being uncomfortable. I was never really boy-crazy anyways, so I'm unlikely to be tempted by the guy's appearance alone to want to date him. So the most important thing is personality. I cannot even think about being with a guy unless I can 'click' with him. My interest will be perked when I sense that someone has a lot of things in common with me, especially things I care about. Another thing I'll pick up on is how this person treats others, how they treat me, how they act in general, etc. to get an overall First Impression which could really affect whether I want to continue getting to know this person better or not. The potential I see in them interacting me (whether for a deeper friendship or relationship) will motivate me to want to form a stronger bond to keep them around.. so I'd put more effort into communication and such than with someone I'm not really interested in furthering anything with. Like Rain said.. I think you'll get Hints about how invested they are. I tend take friendship route first before thinking of a relationship, so eventually someone has to (like Rain said, posture? and then #1, #2, #3 will happen, I guess). So eventually someone has to show their interest or it just stays where it is without ever knowing and assumed normal. I think this is where the whole Nice Guys always lose mentality comes from..... it's because they are never brave enough to take initiative or posture too late (getting stuck as friends only). If you posture earlier, you'll get an answer faster & avoid the friendzone more easily, (but the downside is that you'll risk moving too fast for some girls too). It depends~ just try to read the person and go with their pace, unless you want them to follow yours. Soo overall.. First Impression is important in keeping someone's interest, but also depends on the the kind of girl.. because they could be looking for different things. If you have look/personality traits she's looking for and enjoys, she's going to be interested in further getting to know you. Sometimes it's just a matter of clicking with someone or not, and can't be forced. Then there's other circumstances like timing, distance, etc. too. And of course, to even start a connection someone needs to take the initiative. I think usually it's hard for two introverts to even interact with each other in the first place unless they're forced into some activity together because tend to keep to themselves... I'm guessing this is why you guys bring up online being an easier medium for people like us.^^; But we really need to learn to take the initiative whether irl or even online for anything to happen in the first place. Just my thoughts on it... I don't claim to be super experienced or anything though xD ..so , uh-yeah~ Quote
rainsismyfav Posted June 21, 2015 Posted June 21, 2015 I think usually it's hard for two introverts to even interact with each other in the first place unless they're forced into some activity together because tend to keep to themselves... I'm guessing this is why you guys bring up online being an easier medium for people like us.^^; But we really need to learn to take the initiative whether irl or even online for anything to happen in the first place. Yeah I agree with the struggle here a bit. I actually initiated with the current girl I like because of a special circumstance stemming from my first failed attempt. If it had been under normal circumstances, I wouldn't have been able to initiate. I might have convinced myself not to take the risk or would have been plagued by social anxiety. We didn't really share any activity before that, so it was a miracle that something came out of the first conversation chain. Quote
Eclipsed Posted June 21, 2015 Posted June 21, 2015 As an introvert, I love being paired with an extrovert. My social skills are usually enough to be able to build off of whatever the extrovert in question is spouting out at the time, though naturally afterwards I usually feel burned out. Being paired with an introvert is a flip a coin situation. Depending on the person, sometimes the silence b/w us is nice & relaxing. Other times, I get the 'awkward silence' syndrome and it's totally unbearable. Quote
atorq Posted June 21, 2015 Posted June 21, 2015 You all need to be forced outside of your comfort zones, or force yourselves. Nothing will change by continuing the status quo. I was lucky, I had to go do military service due to this shitty country, there i had to adapt and talk to people or else I would have had really long and hard year. Afterwards I have had a much easier time talking to people I don't know and socializing as a whole doesn't feel as terrible as it used to. rainsismyfav and blahblahblahxxx 2 Quote
Cyrillej1 Posted June 21, 2015 Posted June 21, 2015 Is there anything else that comes to mind as well? Uhh.. let's see... Just because a girl talks to you out of the blue and gives you attention, it's not always because she wants to date... there are times she really just wants to be friends or being friendly. I do that. As an introvert, I love being paired with an extrovert. My social skills are usually enough to be able to build off of whatever the extrovert in question is spouting out at the time, though naturally afterwards I usually feel burned out. Being paired with an introvert is a flip a coin situation. Depending on the person, sometimes the silence b/w us is nice & relaxing. Other times, I get the 'awkward silence' syndrome and it's totally unbearable. I often feel like I can't keep up with an extrovert.. being boring to them. Sometimes there's this pressure that I need to keep talking and entertain. So I tend to feel more comfortable with other introverts, since I think they'd be more understanding about my quiet/private nature and can relate better. Quote
Zodai Posted June 21, 2015 Posted June 21, 2015 Uhh.. let's see... Just because a girl talks to you out of the blue and gives you attention, it's not always because she wants to date... there are times she really just wants to be friends or being friendly. I do that. Alright,understood. xD Quote
Yuuko Posted June 21, 2015 Posted June 21, 2015 You all need to be forced outside of your comfort zones, or force yourselves. Nothing will change by continuing the status quo. I was lucky, I had to go do military service due to this shitty country, there i had to adapt and talk to people or else I would have had really long and hard year. Afterwards I have had a much easier time talking to people I don't know and socializing as a whole doesn't feel as terrible as it used to. Does this mean I still have hope?!?!?! Quote
Flutterz Posted June 21, 2015 Posted June 21, 2015 Uhh.. let's see... Just because a girl talks to you out of the blue and gives you attention, it's not always because she wants to date... there are times she really just wants to be friends or being friendly. I do that. How the hell do billions of people have relationships? Shit's hard, yo. Fred the Barber and rainsismyfav 2 Quote
Cyrillej1 Posted June 21, 2015 Posted June 21, 2015 How the hell do billions of people have relationships? Shit's hard, yo. Communication! If you don't know, just ask~ (or acquire mind-reading powers) Quote
atorq Posted June 21, 2015 Posted June 21, 2015 Does this mean I still have hope?!?!?! No, no hope for you. But, no, of course. But you have to try a little bit too, there were the guys in the military who did stay quiet and didn't say shit. No idea how they managed to get through it because it was definitely the people that made it possible for me. Quote
Flutterz Posted June 21, 2015 Posted June 21, 2015 Communication! If you don't know, just ask~ (or acquire mind-reading powers) I'll go with the latter, someone teach me how to read minds! No, no hope for you. But, no, of course. But you have to try a little bit too, there were the guys in the military who did stay quiet and didn't say shit. No idea how they managed to get through it because it was definitely the people that made it possible for me. Yeah, if I were conscripted I would have been one of those guys for sure. >.> Quote
Yuuko Posted June 21, 2015 Posted June 21, 2015 No, no hope for you. But, no, of course. But you have to try a little bit too, there were the guys in the military who did stay quiet and didn't say shit. No idea how they managed to get through it because it was definitely the people that made it possible for me. I'm not quiet guy if I have even something little to say I'll say it. I have just been spending too much time pfft this isn't possible in the Lands of Moe lately. Quote
Zodai Posted June 21, 2015 Posted June 21, 2015 How the hell do billions of people have relationships? Shit's hard, yo. Quote
Flutterz Posted June 21, 2015 Posted June 21, 2015 Haven't you read Da Capo II? Then you should know that's not necessarily so great, just look at poor Nanaka! Everything has a a downside, and you'd need a much bigger downside if you wanted to make knowing exactly what other people are thinking undesirable. That's what I thought, but in the end it is easier to talk. What exactly do you mean by talk, in the context of the military? Quote
Eclipsed Posted June 21, 2015 Posted June 21, 2015 I often feel like I can't keep up with an extrovert.. being boring to them. Sometimes there's this pressure that I need to keep talking and entertain. You know what, you're right. Extroverts are also a flip the coin for me. The ones on the really really talkative end of the spectrum who can shoot out 1000 words a minute in a conversation are death and I can definitely not keep up with them Quote
atorq Posted June 21, 2015 Posted June 21, 2015 What exactly do you mean by talk, in the context of the military? The whole military is more or less built on comradeship, from the very beginning you are all treated more or less like shit and have to go through the same shitty exercises and are all affected by the same stupid rules. Then no matter who you are and what background you have you get something in common with your fellow conscripts, you all hate that sergeant(or whatever) and you will start talking. If you don't start talking with the guys you will just have a really shitty time with no outlet. Quote
Zodai Posted June 21, 2015 Posted June 21, 2015 The ones on the really really talkative end of the spectrum who can shoot out 1000 words a minute in a conversation are death and I can definitely not keep up with them My little brother is like that. Like, holy shit sometimes it makes my head go around in circles. Doesn't help he's so damn big too. xD Quote
rainsismyfav Posted June 21, 2015 Posted June 21, 2015 Information is very important! That's what the internet is for! Communication is important as well, though when it tends to have issues the lack of a real-life link means a lot of guesswork ends up happening as to the reason why. Answers range from 'super-ultra busy' to 'internet died' to the rather unfortunate possibility of having creeped them out beyond belief. Communication is necessary but setting it up seems to be easier said than done ^^;; When you manage to get someone interested, you will know it. Keep trying and keep natural communications going~. Respect their excuse whether it's busy or internet died. Think that if they wanted to be your friend, they will try from their end as well. Not to say that if they don't try means that they don't want to be your friend. Quote
Flutterz Posted June 21, 2015 Posted June 21, 2015 When you manage to get someone interested, you will know it. Don't underestimate how dense some people are. Shoon-kami and rainsismyfav 2 Quote
Zodai Posted June 21, 2015 Posted June 21, 2015 When you manage to get someone interested, you will know it. Keep trying and keep natural communications going~. Respect their excuse whether it's busy or internet died. Think that if they wanted to be your friend, they will try from their end as well. Not to say that if they don't try means that they don't want to be your friend. Don't underestimate how dense some people are. Either I'm very dense or my track record has about zero people who have been interested in me. This is why I've mostly turned to self-improvement, at least in theory. Quote
TexasDice Posted June 21, 2015 Posted June 21, 2015 How the hell do billions of people have relationships? Shit's hard, yo. *gulp*, *gulp* Quote
Flutterz Posted June 21, 2015 Posted June 21, 2015 Either I'm very dense or my track record has about zero people who have been interested in me. This is why I've mostly turned to self-improvement, at least in theory. Quote
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