Fuwanovel Confessions

[Yuuko]

4 minutes ago, 1P1A said:

Confession: I have no idea how to interpret these smileys 

[Flutterz]

1 minute ago, Tyrael said:

Confession: neither do we 

Speak for yourself

[Dreamysyu]

13 minutes ago, 1P1A said:

Confession: I have no idea how to interpret these smileys 

Confession: I'm not sure how to interpret any of the smileys we have, but I still use them a lot.

[Ranzo]

Confession: I thought those reactions were for when you whip your donger out

[1P1A]

8 minutes ago, Ranzo said:

Confession: I thought those reactions were for when you whip your donger out

Thank you. I shall now think this every time I see a Fuwa-smiley. 

[Ranzo]

17 minutes ago, 1P1A said:

Thank you. I shall now think this every time I see a Fuwa-smiley. 

Yep changing lives, it's just another day in the life of Ranzo.

[+StrikeR+]

Confession: I'm happy because i picked Skylake rather then Kabylake so in times like now i can install windows 7 without any worry.

Edited May 23, 2018 by +StrikeR+

[Plk_Lesiak]

Confession: I've rated my 100th VN on VNDB today!

 

...It was Sakura Magical Girls.

 

...And it was absolutely horrible. 

[Dreamysyu]

1 hour ago, Plk_Lesiak said:

Confession: I've rated my 100th VN on VNDB today!

Oh, hey, you are quick. I mean, I know that VNs you read are generally pretty short, but still.

[Funyarinpa]

Confession: I have a dysfunctional relationship with my sister and it makes me hate being at home sometimes. And it's at least partly my fault.

My little sister feels that I've emotionally abused and hurt her, always. She's also depressed (which is likely connected to this). We've always argued often, and I've often said that I wished she hadn't been born (she say's she's been traumatized by this). She loves me and she wants to be loved by me. Thing is, I am really not sure if I can say the same. Almost everything she does aggravates or annoys me. It's not always her fault to say the least, but sometimes she's either incredibly selfish or exceedingly stupid. She often acts like a hypocrite too. But she's also lonely (no one at home nor at school understands her and she can meet her only close friend like once every other month) and stressed immensely by the school (she's barely passing classes while I have always performed much better with less effort, the difference hurts her self-esteem).

It's been weighing on my mind for the last month or two. I'm moving away for university this September to Canada, which I've wanted to do all my life. I've been halfheartedly trying to be more receptive to her wants and needs, but she believes I don't love her at all (tells me as much, and I fear perhaps she's right). I have surprisingly little problem with the thought that I'm an emotionally abusive person. I've always held some subconscious resentment perhaps. I kind of wish we could get to the point where we just don't talk or just not see each other daily. I feel that that'd be the best for her, primarily because I don't see myself doing whatever it is I need to do (no fucking idea what it is) to assist her recovery. I... (almost?) want no part of it besides what I'm driven to do by guilt and obligation. I just don't feel willing to rebuild a sensible and helpful brother-sister relationship.

I can act chipper with other people and tolerate their flaws (I have close friends who use the N-word for fuck's sake). It's only with my sister that I'm resentful, extremely short-tempered, and distrustful. I don't know why. It just is that way, feels like has been that way forever. Makes me wonder if my niceness towards other people is a façade.

So my question's this:

How the fuck do I hurt my sister the least from this point forward?

Probably I'm just asking this to soothe my ego and fulfil a societal obligation. As a brother I guess it's the least I can do to ensure I don't hurt her as much from this point forward. If she ever commits suicide, her blood will be on my hands. I think I'd rather mitigate that fact as much as possible.

[Plk_Lesiak]

39 minutes ago, Funyarinpa said:

How the fuck do I hurt my sister the least from this point forward?

Probably I'm just asking this to soothe my ego and fulfil a societal obligation. As a brother I guess it's the least I can do to ensure I don't hurt her as much from this point forward. If she ever commits suicide, her blood will be on my hands. I think I'd rather mitigate that fact as much as possible.

Shit, this is heavy... The only idea that comes to my mind is going to a family therapist together. You probably still have some time before you leave the country. If you can convince her that you would like to repair your relationship as much as possible before you part, having a psychologist to moderate your conversations and help you understand each other's feelings might be the best shot you have.

[Funyarinpa]

8 minutes ago, Plk_Lesiak said:

Shit, this is heavy... The only idea that comes to my mind is going to a family therapist together. You probably still have some time before you leave the country. If you can convince her that you would like to repair your relationship as much as possible before you part, having a psychologist to moderate your conversations and help you understand each other's feelings might be the best shot you have.

I'm just... I don't know, uncomfortable with the idea...

Then again, my discomfort matters less than her mental well-being, but still...

Perhaps I'm not actually ready to face how much I've actually hurt her.

Edited May 25, 2018 by Funyarinpa

[Plk_Lesiak]

14 minutes ago, Funyarinpa said:

I'm just... I don't know, uncomfortable with the idea...

I understand, but I don't think anything that might work would be comfortable/easy at this point. I went through a lot of family drama and I know how hard is to get through this kind of accumulated emotion and animosity. At this point, I don't think you can do much without some kind of outside help/mediation (especially within the timeframe available to you).

It's just my opinion though, shaped by my positive experience with therapy, maybe others will have other perspectives or ideas. 

Edited May 25, 2018 by Plk_Lesiak

[Funyarinpa]

1 minute ago, Plk_Lesiak said:

I understand, but I don't think anything that might work would be comfortable/easy at this point. I went through a lot of family drama and I know how hard is to get through this kind of accumulated emotion and animosity. At this point, I don't think you can do much without some kind of outside help/mediation.

It's just my opinion though, shaped by my positive experience with therapy, maybe others will have other perspectives or ideas. 

Hey, I really appreciate it.

I just fucked up another interaction just a minute ago. (she told me to go to sleep b/c it's almost midnight, I told her off, but she was apparently telling me to sleep b/c she was worried about me- she has a fever which is why she can't sleep.)

It's just that it'd really be much, much simpler and probably more effective to just lessen contact.

Also, I don't want to face a situation where I'd have to choose between continuing therapy and going to uni now.

[1P1A]

3 minutes ago, Funyarinpa said:

Also, I don't want to face a situation where I'd have to choose between continuing therapy and going to uni now.

You don't really have to make a choice between the two. Skype is a viable option, though the time zones might be a little bit of a challenge. It's what I used with my local counselor when I went off to uni.

[Funyarinpa]

3 minutes ago, 1P1A said:

You don't really have to make a choice between the two. Skype is a viable option, though the time zones might be a little bit of a challenge. It's what I used with my local counselor when I went off to uni.

Perhaps... Though I doubt Turkish therapists are so high tech

Anyways, I still don't know what to do b/c I lack conviction in general. I'm selfish.

Maybe I'll give it a year, see how distance between us changes things.

[Plk_Lesiak]

3 minutes ago, Funyarinpa said:

Hey, I really appreciate it.

I just fucked up another interaction just a minute ago. (she told me to go to sleep b/c it's almost midnight, I told her off, but she was apparently telling me to sleep b/c she was worried about me- she has a fever which is why she can't sleep.)

It's just that it'd really be much, much simpler and probably more effective to just lessen contact.

Also, I don't want to face a situation where I'd have to choose between continuing therapy and going to uni now.

It's up to you in the end, you know the situation better than any of us. I don't think you should worry about leaving the therapy "incomplete" though, if you can get to the point where she knows you regret hurting her in the past and wish her well, it might help her a lot. You probably both could use some closure before you leave, and "some" might be better than none, even if you can't hope for truly reparing your relationship (especially for her, if she really thinks you pretty much hate her and wish she never existed).

[Funyarinpa]

On 26/05/2018 at 12:06 AM, Plk_Lesiak said:

It's up to you in the end, you know the situation better than any of us. I don't think you should worry about leaving the therapy "incomplete" though, if you can get to the point where she knows you regret hurting her in the past and wish her well, it might help her a lot. You probably both could use some closure before you leave, and "some" might be better than none, even if you can't hope for truly reparing your relationship (especially for her, if she really thinks you pretty much hate her and wish she never existed).

I don't even know how much I regret it. I don't know if I'm doing this for myself (rest easy without feeling I might be emotionally abusive) or because I truly care about my sister. 

It's mildly terrifying and disgusting to be asking myself if I love my sister.

[Funyarinpa]

was watching brooklyn 99 and an episode just fucked me up by, guess what, bringing in a sister of the protagonist. the protag's dismissive of her and her shitty antics (like, scam-a-restaurant level "antics) and at one point the protagonist, Jake, just wants to keep contact with her to a minimum and only meet once a year for dinner or something.

...Exactly what I'd been trying to tell myself to for months. Keep contact to a bare minimum, some rare formality now and then.

...Then, Jake realizes that he's acting exactly like his deadbeat dad. The show has made a point to show through repeated, biting, painful satire how said dad's absence hurt Jake and created abandonment issues and desperate need for validation and left scars that'll never heal, for the preceding five seasons. 

But I still don't feel like I can spend effort restraining myself, letting things slide, letting her intrude upon my personal space and overall just being mature for fucking once for her sake. I still don't know if I love her, and I still don't know if that's a "people sometimes just don't get along" situation, or a "jesus fucking christ you heartless bastard how can you do that to your own fucking sister" situation, and I feel like nobody would tell me if it was the latter, AND I don't know if anything would change even if someone did. But no one can make me care about fixing this more than already do (I don't mean it in a good way, I don't believe I care enough). And that's the worst part.

 

Edited May 31, 2018 by Funyarinpa

[Plk_Lesiak]

9 hours ago, Funyarinpa said:

But I still don't feel like I can spend effort restraining myself, letting things slide, letting her intrude upon my personal space and overall just being mature for fucking once for her sake. I still don't know if I love her, and I still don't know if that's a "people sometimes just don't get along" situation, or a "jesus fucking christ you heartless bastard how can you do that to your own fucking sister" situation, and I feel like nobody would tell me if it was the latter, AND I don't know if anything would change even if someone did. But no one can make me care about fixing this more than already do (I don't mean it in a good way, I don't believe I care enough). And that's the worst part.

I can still offer the same recommendation - people usually don't do things without a reason and the fact this whole thing bothers you means you're not a psychopath who just ignores other's feelings and crushes them without a slight bit of regret when they inconvenience you. Therapist's job is primarily to help you understand your own feelings, in my case it let me understand my extremely toxic relation with my father and find ways to cope with it. I can't say I can fully relate to your particular situation, but from what I've heard from you around here I can tell that this whole mess weights heavily on your self-esteem and brings your mood down, doing something to fix it most likely can't make it worse, especially in the long run. 

Also, if you think you might regret doing nothing later on, it's better to at least do something. If you're sure you'll be ok just leaving the issue behind, it's also fine, but once more, it's not that easy to wrap your head around these things by yourself. 

Edited May 31, 2018 by Plk_Lesiak

[1P1A]

I fart on Kiririri's pillow every night before he goes to bed.

[Dreamysyu]

Confession: I always find it a bit weird when somebody uses a fictional character's name as their username, but their avatar depicts a completely different character.

[Kenshin_sama]

19 minutes ago, Dreamysyu said:

Confession: I always find it a bit weird when somebody uses a fictional character's name as their username, but their avatar depicts a completely different character.

[MeguminBlast]

When I was 12 I read DOS VNs even though they said 18+ only. Don't tell the cops.

Edited June 9, 2018 by MeguminBlast

[Kurisu-Chan]

Confession : i got my first level at masters degree in telecommunications and networking and...

While i love doing what i do, and i love studying in academics field and all, i'm really good at that, gets lot of praise from professors because of my willingness to work and all...but, i still don't find anything good about my self.

I have to explain myself, i have 0 self-confidence, i never praise myself, even when i do something really cool, even when i receive compliments from people, i just don't accept them, all i do, is assume that people wants to murder me, people wants to use me, people just wants to mess with me.
I still have zero self-confidence, despite being a popular guy, despite being pretty good at what i do, but i still can't praise myself, i feel like a lowly worm whom can't even do anything...I am unable to feel satisfaction in my actions, no matter what i do.

when i got my bachelor degree, i didn't feel any "real" joy, i did have joy, but it only lasted for a few minutes, before going back into full 0 confidence.

I made a game, and was helped by a team of really cool people whom i kept contact with...But i didn't feel like "i" did something, despite being the main programmer, i just felt..."nothing" i felt joy for other people, but not for myself.