Mr. Poltroon's Holiday Message and Pretty Much Entire Life History

[Mr Poltroon]

I understand. Out of all possible people, you probably weren't expecting me to make one of these. 
First of all, don't delude yourself. I'm not writing this next to a fireplace with snow coming down outside with hot chocolate on my secretary and the dog sleeping at my feet. I'm in my cold room with the dog barking at the door, probably heard some kind of noise outside, with no drinks or sustainment of any kind and rain is pouring down outside.
At any rate, here you go, my very own Christmas Message to ya'll.
 

---

 
Merry Christmas.

-Mr. Poltroon

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That ended up somewhat short, didn't it? Let's make up some more stuff on the spot. Like... like... oh yeah. My experience on Fuwanovel and stuff!
 
I found out about Fuwanovel, and Visual Novels, right around the start of this year. What introduced me to visual novels was a very enjoyable game for me, by the name of "To the Moon", I highly recommend you play it, never know when my hitmen might knock on your door.  Right around the same time, and purely by coincidence, I also found out about the Phoenix Wright series, another excellent group of games I suggest you play, for your own good health and whatnot.
To the Moon showed me good storytelling that could come from this media, while Phoenix Wright showed me the comedy that would later become the reason why I play Visual Novels (I know, terrible reason, though perfect match for a terrible person).
 
While searching for more, because people always want moar, moar, moar, I found out about this website. 
The first Visual Novel (at least in a truer sense) I played was Ever17.
I was very scared, since I am a victim of the altogether too common irrational fear of the unknown, you see? Anime didn't have all that much of a good image in my mind at the time. I later found out my image was spot on, at least relating to nukige. 
Having thoroughly enjoyed the first game, I proceeded to play the sequel and prequel, and this is where I first used Fuwanovel. I used a walkthrough for Never7, and the first I found was the Fuwanovel one.
 
Moving on, Fuwanovel became my place for walkthroughs. No, I had no idea I could download them here. Wonderful.
The first VN I downloaded from Fuwanovel was Little Busters, and for a while, the only one. I fear the unbeknownst to me, I'll remind you once again.
Keeping with that logic, I stuck with All Ages titles for a good 5 or 6 titles, it took me nearly a year to get through these. Of course, All Ages eventually ran out (at least those I was interested in), forcing me to try my first "eroge" so to speak, G-Senjou no Maou.
Quite a challenge, considering it was my first contact (of my own volition) with pornography of any kind  . You may choose to believe this or not, but I'm simply not very interested in matters of copulation.
What a terrible topic, moving on. 
 
I eventually reached Grisaia no Kajitsu in my quest for mighty loot. I adored it. Like, really, to the point where it made me make my first post on the forums.
I always make an account even for one time searches. Simply a pet peeve of mine, disregard it.
You can check my first topic here, where you'll notice I was trying to keep any and all warped personalities under wraps.
https://forums.fuwanovel.net/index.php?/topic/4111-greetings-equally-addicted-human-beings/
 
 
But that's enough about Fuwanovel, it's not like any of you care about that old thing anyways, right?
Let's address myself now, I'm sure you're all itching to learn about my own life, asking questions like, "How much further can he boost his ego?"

I'll show you:

I'm a 28 year old man with a job at a local sports club (management side, don't ask me to do exercise, pls) which is rather well connected to my family. Great 'friends' with the chief, actually.
 
Two sisters. Two parents. Exempting the older sister (that hater ), we all live together.
My family is a fairly happy one, but I've come to think, just how different is it from other, perhaps more normal, families?
It's pretty much a free-for-all around here. If an argument starts, younger sister uses up all opportunities to take a jab at the parents, the parents argue with each other and I attack everyone. If we all sit together to eat, making fun of everyone and everything is the norm, usually at someone's expense. And the main thing? The heavy, heavy use of sarcasm. 
 
Don't think I'm a wrinkled old grumpy man, this is how I was born and raised, and to be honest, it's plenty fun.   I don't know what kind of image that gave you, probably a despicable one, but we're all happy people. I'm a natural pessimist, which when coupled with my usual personality does not produce good results, but what can one do?
 
 
This makes me what I consider to be a horrible person. Makes fun of everyone, but doesn't get involved himself. Takes a jab at everything, even what he agrees with. Avoids any kind of responsibility, using "I think" and "Perhaps" to escape certainties. A craven to no end. This is who I am, and I'm well aware of it. My family is well-known as a funny one, myself included. That one guy who's fun at parties, but you might not be interested in getting too attached, might you come to understand what's beneath the funny surface.   
 
But this is who I am, and I know it well. Self-improvement seems fake and hollow to me. Being yourself seems the best way of life, so that's how I do it.
 
 
Now... Let's tie this all up with Fuwanovel and finish up. I'm sure at this point only a couple of you have read this far, but worry not, I wasn't expecting anyone to really read this anyway.
 
Fuwanovel is the only forum where I've stayed this long (not even a year yet, huh?). The reason for this is how I haven't been reprimanded much about my manners. I strongly feel that if I can't be myself, I've no place here. And, to be honest, I'm totally fine with not having a place anywhere, I know I'm not a person who's easy to get along (especially on a bad day, lovely). Strangely, though, Fuwanovel hasn't shunned me away like I thought it would, so it's certainly a happy surprise. 
 
In the end, thank you everyone, for making me happy (so self-centered ) and letting me feel at ease here.   
There's a courtesy kind of thanks, and then there's this kind of thanks. They're different, and especially when coming from me, one of them is pretty rare.
 
I wish you all a Merry Christmas, and a fantastic New Year, because I do care about the seasons, for believe it or not, I too am human.  :xmas:

 

EDIT: Because I really have nothing better to do (lies, it's all lies), I have made this for your laughing at me pleasure: https://soundcloud.com/tiago-varela-3/sets/christmas-message/s-4tn1T

[Guest]

Joyeuses fêtes Tiago

[SieghartXx]

To the Moon is beautiful, I didn't play it, but got really hooked on a playthrough in youtube. It's nice to know about yourself and how you came to know Fuwanovel!

Merry Christmas, hope you enjoy the holidays

[Heizei_koukousei]

Its nice to finally meet the man behind the (Reigi) mask.

 

Now everyone needs to follow in Tiago's footsteps and tell Fuwanovel their story~

[jeftai]

tl;dr;

but happy Christmas/Hanukkah/or whatever you're celebrating.

[Ryechu]

Feliz Natal, Tiago-kun  .

 

One of these days you and I shall have a nerd session about the Phoenix Wright series, when we're not plotting the ultimate demise of the world and the acquisition of numerous hitmen, of course.

[Stray Cat]

Don't try and hide it, this was just an excuse for you to test out all the new emoticons wasn't it. 

 

Regardless, Veselé Vianoce!

[sirjabberwock]

Shuns Tiag.

 

To be honest I probably wouldn't have joined the forums if it weren't for all the sarcastic banter that goes on between you amongst others on the old Majikoi thread, so thanks for that I suppose. The self-deprecating picture included in the post is just that--self deprecating. Shouldn't have expected an entirely serious post so well-done managing to fit some humor into an otherwise more serious post.

 

Most of all, Happy Holidays.

[Chronopolis]

Haha, you suck . But I really enjoyed your post. Merry Christmas.

 

Come to think of it, Fuwanovel is really tolerant of different people. What would get you called out or called on other communities just ends with a closed thread, deleted post, and/or a "moving right along~".

[Ezeefreak]

I've read till the end... Do I get an achievement for that?

 

Despite the fact of our appearance here or other things, I think we are much more similar than i thought -> that's somehow scary ... Anyway, I've always fun when I'm reading one of your posts. So stay the way you are and I wish you also merry christmas, happy holidays, ...

 

Cya

[OriginalRen]

Finally, I get to wish someone a happy holiday in their own thread.

 

Happy holidays Tiagofvarela!

[Kosakyun]

After reading everything (I'm sorry for not tl;dr-ing), I had to check the name of the poster.

Check if it was Tiagofvarela or Tiagfvarela. Or Tiagof.

I mean, c'mon. I really didn't expect something like this from this guy. So I had to recheck.

And by the gods! It was indeed Tiago-chan. I'm amazed. Stupefied. Stunned. Some other adjectives that are applicable in this situation.

 

Let's get down to business then.

 

Happy Holidays to you too, Tiago-chan.

 

You thought business meant something long? Nope.

I'm just happy that I now know he's 28 years old.

[Katatsumuri]

Merry Christmas, you usually sarcastic & grumpy person...

[sirjabberwock]

After reading everything (I'm sorry for not tl;dr-ing), I had to check the name of the poster.

Check if it was Tiagofvarela or Tiagfvarela. Or Tiagof.

I mean, c'mon. I really didn't expect something like this from this guy. So I had to recheck.

And by the gods! It was indeed Tiago-chan. I'm amazed. Stupefied. Stunned. Some other adjectives that are applicable in this situation.

 

Let's get down to business then.

 

Happy Holidays to you too, Tiago-chan.

 

You thought business meant something long? Nope.

I'm just happy that I now know he's 28 years old.

Shiiiiiiiiiiiiit, I didn't even think to consider checking if it was actually Tiago making the post. That would've been the best trolling moment on the forums for me since Lefon posted the speech from "V for Vendetta" nearly word-for-word and people somehow managed to take it seriously 

Disregarding other certain troll posts that I may or may not have been here to see

[Mr Poltroon]

Its nice to finally meet the man behind the (Reigi) mask.

 

Now everyone needs to follow in Tiago's footsteps and tell Fuwanovel their story~

I'm waiting...

I really do want to know just how absurd my family is. 

 

tl;dr;

but happy Christmas/Hanukkah/or whatever you're celebrating.

When I wish someone "Merry Christmas" one can safely assume I celebrate Christmas. Then again, I doubt you even had the decency to read the last line with the conspicuous Santa (another Holiday sign).

Alternatively, you could have noticed by now that I am from Portugal, and as a fellow (western) European, chances are, I celebrate Christmas and not any other variation.

For now, the course of action is to feign ignorance and to assume you were just trying to make as extensive as possible a greeting so no one would be left out.

 

Feliz Natal, Tiago-kun  .

 

One of these days you and I shall have a nerd session about the Phoenix Wright series, when we're not plotting the ultimate demise of the world and the acquisition of numerous hitmen, of course.

I'll probably take a while until we finish any other, more important, topics, but yes, I look forward to it.

 

Don't try and hide it, this was just an excuse for you to test out all the new emoticons wasn't it. 

 

Regardless, Veselé Vianoce!

Of course. I just decided to write an entire page of useless filler to put the emoticons in it. I can't believe I was so nimbly seen through. And here I thought I had a good disguise under this holiday cover. 

What I can tell you, however, is that I wrote this in a notepad. The emoticons were added afterwards when I started to fear no one would honestly bother reading. 

 

Shuns Tiag.

 

To be honest I probably wouldn't have joined the forums if it weren't for all the sarcastic banter that goes on between you amongst others on the old Majikoi thread, so thanks for that I suppose. The self-deprecating picture included in the post is just that--self deprecating. Shouldn't have expected an entirely serious post so well-done managing to fit some humor into an otherwise more serious post.

 

Most of all, Happy Holidays.

Yes. I am very discontent with my life and have several trauma's relating to suicide, because lord knows, I can't spend ten minutes on the internet without coming across someone who has traumatic past. Evidence of this is all my self-deprecating. Clear signs of hating myself and everything relating to it. 

I'll tell you a story about a car accident I had some other time.

[Mr Poltroon]

Haha, you suck   . But I really enjoyed your post. Merry Christmas.

 

Come to think of it, Fuwanovel is really tolerant of different people. What would get you called out or called on other communities just ends with a closed thread, deleted post, and/or a "moving right along~".

Haven't seen none of that, excluding threads being forcefully closed because of alleged "rude comments" and "useless discussion".

 

 

I've read till the end... Do I get an achievement for that? 

 

Despite the fact of our appearance here or other things, I think we are much more similar than i thought -> that's somehow scary   ... Anyway, I've always fun when I'm reading one of your posts. So stay the way you are and I wish you also merry christmas, happy holidays, ...

 

Cya

No. You get no achievements for fulfilling your duty. It's what my mother told me all those years ago, and what she still tells my younger sister.

 

And I'll take it as a compliment, us being similar. I'll ignore all logic and do that. It's Christmas after all!

 

Finally, I get to wish someone a happy holiday in their own thread.

 

Happy holidays Tiagofvarela!

You had made a thread of your own? I hadn't noticed! It could've served as inspiration or parody material... Such a shame.

 

Merry xmas *cough* wrinkled old grumpy man..*cough* i mean tiago. 

The least you could have done was use your own words...

 

After reading everything (I'm sorry for not tl;dr-ing), I had to check the name of the poster.

Check if it was Tiagofvarela or Tiagfvarela. Or Tiagof.

I mean, c'mon. I really didn't expect something like this from this guy. So I had to recheck.

And by the gods! It was indeed Tiago-chan. I'm amazed. Stupefied. Stunned. Some other adjectives that are applicable in this situation.

 

Let's get down to business then.

 

Happy Holidays to you too, Tiago-chan.

 

You thought business meant something long? Nope.

I'm just happy that I now know he's 28 years old.

You have left me disappointed. I was expecting huge amounts of TL;DR.

Other than that, all conforms to expectations.

And would you guys stop with with all this plagiarism? That was somewhat longer than my own Holiday message so I might be unable to sue you, though...

 

Also, should I take you reacting to my age as a good or bad sign? 

The question's just a formality, I already know which, but do answer.

 

Merry Christmas, you usually sarcastic & grumpy person...

That almost implies my post was abnormal.

 

Shiiiiiiiiiiiiit, I didn't even think to consider checking if it was actually Tiago making the post. That would've been the best trolling moment on the forums for me since Lefon posted the speech from "V for Vendetta" nearly word-for-word and people somehow managed to take it seriously  

Disregarding other certain troll posts that I may or may not have been here to see 

I had thought of making another account just for this post, but the effort required to establish myself in this community again was just terribly demotivating.

 

(The quotes don't all fit on the same post)

[Stray Cat]

Of course. I just decided to write an entire page of useless filler to put the emoticons in it. I can't believe I was so nimbly seen through. And here I thought I had a good disguise under this holiday cover. 

What I can tell you, however, is that I wrote this in a notepad. The emoticons were added afterwards when I started to fear no one would honestly bother reading. 

Finishing off the last few you sly sneaky fox you. 

 

 

One of these days you and I shall have a nerd session about the Phoenix Wright series, when we're not plotting the ultimate demise of the world and the acquisition of numerous hitmen, of course.

I want in on this.   

[sirjabberwock]

I'm waiting...

I really do want to know just how absurd my family is. 

 

Yes. I am very discontent with my life and have several trauma's relating to suicide, because lord knows, I can't spend ten minutes on the internet without coming across someone who has traumatic past. Evidence of this is all my self-deprecating. Clear signs of hating myself and everything relating to it. 

I'll tell you a story about a car accident I had some other time.

 

I had thought of making another count just for this post, but the effort required to establish myself in this community again was just terribly demotivating.

 

(The quotes don't all fit on the same post)

Isn't that kinda what the Confessions thread has turned into? 

 

It seems like experiencing trauma is a large part of being a human. I've had my fair share of it, but there are people I know in life that've been through hardships I can't even imagine. Self-deprecation is indeed a tough thing to overcome.

 

Was that supposed to be "account?"

[Mr Poltroon]

Isn't that kinda what the Confessions thread has turned into? 

 

It seems like experiencing trauma is a large part of being a human. I've had my fair share of it, but there are people I know in life that've been through hardships I can't even imagine. Self-deprecation is indeed a tough thing to overcome.

 

Was that supposed to be "account?"

Indeed. Let me fix that. It should now say, "account".

 

And I'm starting to think my little joke in bad taste went over your head. Mainly the fact that I was making fun of the countless people that always bring up suicide attempts and all that traumatic past when I personally believe it's all balderdash, and I've liven life for some years, I know it loves pulling your leg. I still consider myself a happy man. 

But pay no heed to my tasteless banter.

[sirjabberwock]

Indeed. Let me fix that. It should now say, "account".

 

And I'm starting to think my little joke in bad taste went over your head. Mainly the fact that I was making fun of the countless people that always bring up suicide attempts and all that traumatic past when I personally believe it's all balderdash, and I've liven life for some years, I know it loves pulling your leg. I still consider myself a happy man. 

But pay no heed to my tasteless banter.

Damn it, I'm usually good about picking up on tasteless jokes... they're one of my favorite kinds of jokes after all. It does seem out of place as an earnest comment now that you mention it. Apologies.

[edwd2]

tldr merry christmas

[Kosakyun]

tldr merry christmas

 

You now have your tl;dr, Tiago-chan.

[Mr Poltroon]

You now have your tl;dr, Tiago-chan.

I noticed, thank you very much.

[Kosakyun]

I noticed, thank you very much.

 

Don't mention it.

After all, it's the season of giving!

[Mr Poltroon]

Updated the OP with a little extra as some kind of masochistic pleasure. To be honest, I'm the kind of narcissist that likes to hear himself speak, you see?

I'll also drop a warning right now. The 25th is Christmas day, this is a Christmas message. Don't think this has come and gone yet.