Kygrykhon

This was a story about a man who is contemplating taking his life because the love of his life has left him. It is hinted at one point in the story that the woman is a succubus and that she is pregnant with the man's child. Throughout the story we see how with the man gone, who I believe is some kind of doctor, many people would be sad and she would most likely carry the burden of his death for the rest of her life. The tone of the piece is sorrowful anf foreboding. The repetition of the red ribbon is very nice and shows how she is always with him despite the arduous task he is about to take. The red ribbon and the blood seem to be what connect them. Ultimately, he decides to throw away the knife and go look for her, deciding to live for her sake. It seems that for the most part we are in a room with a third-person oniscient narrator and only briefly come to learn about the outisde world as the protagonist delves into his memories. I actually thought the story took place in some Vcitorian/Gothic setting because of the diction and tone of the piece, so I was a bit taken aback when the word 'Disneyland' appeared. I don't have a problem with this, but would have liked to see more clues scattered throughout the story that hinted as to whether this was all taking place in the present day or not. I really liked the amount of introspection that you included in the story and it felt realistic for the most part because we could see the protagonist struggling with the idea of leaving his beloved behind and putting a lot of people through a lot of pain. I'm curious as to the nature of the woman he is referring to throughout the story but I understand why the ambigous nature is there since this story is focused more on him than on the terms concerning their relationship. Watch out for your tenses since many times within the same sentence or paragraph you had a tendency to shift between present and past tense. I would just keep it all in present tense since we come to believe that the first half of the story had happened already until we come back to the present moment. It'll make more of an impact when we realize the severity of the situation and see where things could have gone for the protagonist. There were few grammar mistakes and you have good control over your syntax which made it easy to read. The voice of the character is natural for the most part since he's a doctor so one would expect his vocabulary to be pretty robust. A friendly reminder, sometimes less is more and and you can give off the same effect when you use packed details and condense your sentences. Some of the emotional was dulled because you overdid it with the language. Overall, it was a good read. Thanks for sharing! Thank you for reviewing this Now I see that there's a lot of unnecessarily long sentences and grammar mistakes. I suppose I need to work on that. I also realize that some of the points I intended to convey in this writing doesn't go through, but it makes for another interesting take on the writing itself. About the sudden change in POV, this is actually something that I'm experimenting with this writing. You see, what's described on the first part of the story is actually things that the doctor (not giving him a name proved to be inconvenient) witnessed/saw, shown by the ribbon. He's describing those events in third person perspective, and when he's drawn back to the present he's using first person because, well, it's happening to him. I intended to write this as the plot twist, but is it to sudden after all? How should I write for it to have that twist?

Sorry I didn't refresh the page >< True, I'm using gravity green. Still doesn't realize there's over 4500 replies

False, I'm okay with anything so i don't bother changing The next person doesn't realize that this topic has over 4500 replies

for the last point, does it mean that its better to come up with more detail about the universe and then fit the plot into these elements? One of my biggest (and current) writer's block is in a work in which I have a lot of details of the universe but can't really find a way to fit half of them.

http://veinsofkygrykhon.blogspot.com/2014/02/red-ribbon.html It's a blog about my writings (mostly), but I would like to post this one in particular because it's my personal favourite.

G-String, I guess. (G-Senjou no Maou)

The missing full moon Every dusk before the night of full moon, there's a little girl that sits on the dark corner of the school where people rarely visit. There was once a student that found that girl, and thought that she was lost, although the girl never said anything. The student then took the girl's hand to show her the exit. Problem: there was never one. There are doors and windows, and they could be opened, but somehow it never occurred to the student that opening those doors and windows can make way for them to get out. As a result, the student felt confused and lost. In time, this conversation will take place: Girl: What.. are you doing? Student: Showing you the way out. You're lost, aren't you? Girl: (shaking her head) I was never lost. You are. And exactly after this conversation somebody would open the door, distracting the student, and before he knew it the girl was gone. The person opening the door was looking for the student, and apparently the student are missing for at least a day. He never saw that particular full moon in that particular day. This is the best I can come up with for now...

TWGOK, MonogatariS2, and I guess Kimi no Iru Machi.

'Royce' might be good for a female kitten..

Thyriac

Here's an idea. Rin usually blinks like a normal person. She blinks when her eyes are too dry or when the wind is strong. But one day, she blinked and it feels unusual. Her eyes were not too dry and there was no wind. She didn't blink at her will; it's somehow uncontrollable. And random. And after such blink, nothing changes. She first thought it was just her. She was tired after all. The strange blinking continues, although not very frequent. Sometimes she blinked twice or thrice. And it took a while. But still, nothing changes. The fast car didn't seem to change position when she blinked. The rocket remained at the same height just before and just after blinking. Although blinking twice or thrice took maybe half a second, it didn't seem to even take a millisecond. It was as if, time stopped whenever she blinked this way. Just a mystery. Doesn't really have explanation, though.

Hi Fuwanovel~ I'm missing you guys for half a year!! Okay, so here's what's keeping me from logging in. I lost my password. I followed the lost password recovery steps and used the links from the emails. So after I got the new password, I clicked on the link to the log in page. The 'Username' field was filled with my email address by default. I entered the new password but the login failed. I tried using new passwords but it didn't work. I keep repeating and repeating the process, and at one point I stopped trying. Only today did I realize that the 'Username' field must be filled with username. Well, I admit that part of this is due to me not realizing username, but is there any way to allow both username and email address to log in from the log in page? Thank you very much.

So I've been playing Hoshimemo, in this order Komomo>Kosame>Asuho>Isuzu>Chinami>Yume... Everything was awesome and all, but the thing is I don't know how to enter Mare route. I always ended up in Yume's route.... Did I do something wrong? Or does she not have a route in the first place?

Heck, I screamed in excitement and surprise for EVERY twists in the whole novel... Mystery never strikes me as interesting before, but G-Senjou is different.. Really good stuff, does it have an anime adaptation? ( I consider 'okay' < 'good' < 'great' < 'good stuff' )

Well, whatever my hand can reach.. I'm numb when glued to VN and usually wonder why is my mouth so dry upon finishing a VN. Turned out my last glass of water was 12 hours ago.

I like Reverie Planetarian better, though. Sounds more robotic, I can't describe more but I think it fits her.

It's different from the one provided in fuwanovel (not sure if that's Insani's). I think it's new.

Oh! Big news indeed! Downloading..

Just something that's bugging me for a while. Is rin2 = refrain ??

Oh! Interesting... Haven't read the original one yet, but if this is confirmed, maybe I'll just read the remade version..

Okay, scrolled down with my eyes closed >< Finishing a route may instill mixed feelings: sadness, fulfillment, happiness, you name it... BUT finishing an entire novel left me somewhat empty. It's like facing the end of the world, everything you experienced suddenly stopped, ended, just like that. Maybe not quite end of the world, but I can say that I'm not content. I was enjoying every moment, and really can't face the fact that at one point it ended, and then it happened. The novel ended. That's why I always wanted more. Well, that's my opinion. Now, off to read others !!

Why so similar a story to mine? Although I can't say 'many', friends that were lost..

Welcome to Fuwanovel~ As a tradition(?), what is your first VN? Favourite? Your avatar's cute. From what VN/anime is it?

Welcome to Fuwanovel~ Wow, a translator with his own project! I'm not a hacker, but if you stick around maybe you'll find some. Good luck for your finals!!