Ask a Fuwan (Advice thread)

[Mr Poltroon]

Have your parents set up an arrange marriage for you with someone from the village side of your country.

 

I saw that many successful marriages in South, South-East Asia were due to the parents picking out and agreeing with the right spouses for their children. 

What we learn from this: Don't leave the choices up to yourselves. You suck. Your parents always know better.

[atorq]

What we learn from this: Don't leave the choices up to yourselves. You suck. Your parents always know better.

 

Assuming that your parents aren't assholes. Or stupid. And that they actually know you.

[TexasDice]

Arranged marriages seem like a good idea, until a sudden protagonist shows up at the local all girls school and demolishes the entire plan. 

[Mr Poltroon]

Assuming that your parents aren't assholes. Or stupid. And that they actually know you.

I'm assuming you are part of the elite group and as such have a normal family, without a traumatic past and are actually loved.

Gosh so many assumptions.

[sanahtlig]

What's with all this divorcing? I have never met anyone whose parents got divorced or are divorced themselves. (Except that neighbor whose husband left for Brasil, stranding her with huge debts).

My general population statistics were based on American data.  If I recall correctly, Portugal is primarily Catholic, and divorce is strongly discouraged in the Catholic belief system.  I wouldn't be surprised if divorce rates in Portugal were lower.

[Mr Poltroon]

My general population statistics were based on American data.  If I recall correctly, Portugal is primarily Catholic, and divorce is strongly discouraged in the Catholic belief system.

Ah, I see. Yes, that makes sense. We're all, for some reason, Catholics at least in theory. Divorce is not something I see here often.

[Tyrael]

Have your parents set up an arrange marriage for you with someone from the village side of your country.

 

I saw that many successful marriages in South, South-East Asia were due to the parents picking out and agreeing with the right spouses for their children. 

 

I think my parents would feel bad for any girl I date so I don't think this will work on me, sadly

[Nosebleed]

My general population statistics were based on American data.  If I recall correctly, Portugal is primarily Catholic, and divorce is strongly discouraged in the Catholic belief system.  I wouldn't be surprised if divorce rates in Portugal were lower.

Quite the opposite in fact, USA's marriage situation is better than Portugal's right now.

 

Some "fun" stats for you: In 2013, Portugal had a 70% divorce rate.

Rates of divorce in Portugal have been steadily rising over the years without ever dropping (save for 2011-2012 where it was 73% but a 3% drop is minimal)

To put it in perspective, in 1960 the divorce rate in Portugal was about 1%.

 

This is mostly attributed to financial difficulties because of Portugal's economical crisis.

Birth rates are steadily dropping (to the point where the optimal 2.1 children per female is not happening, thus resulting in an increasingly aging population) because couples simply can't afford to have a child and most marriages also end due to financial struggle. My parents have contemplated divorce before due to finances but they managed to pull through, mostly for the sake of my sister who was 6 at the time.

 

Overall couples in portugal just are not interested in getting married because of the expenses associated with it and/or they immigrate to other countries where the financial security is better.

 

Gay marriage is also legal here so these stats factor in literally everybody.

 

Also, despite 95% of the Portuguese population identifying themselves as catholic, only a tiny fraction is actively practicing the religion and as I mentioned before, as of now, money is the biggest factor in divorce rather than belief.

[crunchytaco]

I'm just over being depressed about the bleak outcome of today's marriages' results. Just don't get married. Have fun and enjoy life. Seriously, get your heart broken once, twice or so without the whole pen and paper thing involved. Listen to all those who have been there before you and just don't do it. Once you get some experience notches under your belt, the pangs of yearning to get married will be gone. Just don't get trapped in the process with a kid. Plan your kid if you want one. Wear protection. 

 

I love my daughter to pieces right now. Watching her babble in her baby talk like a little alien is so freaken hilarious. I wish I could take her without the mother package deal. Though I'll be bluntly honest - I wouldn't need either of them to be happy. I'd also be happy though if I could grow old in a community where I felt I belonged to, and could take care of the folks there from young to old myself. You don't need a special lady to hold onto as you tread into senile-hood. I used to think that was the bitter talk of old people, but it's not just that. It's just as true that you could be just as happy, and even happier without. 

[sanahtlig]

Also, despite 95% of the Portuguese population identifying themselves as catholic, only a tiny fraction is actively practicing the religion and as I mentioned before, as of now, money is the biggest factor in divorce rather than belief.

Interesting.  I hadn't realized there was so much variance in divorce rate among first world nations.  I don't think finances can fully explain it.  Greece's divorce rate is ~25%.  The divorce rates of many developing countries are in the lower quartile.  There must be other factors at play.

 

Oh, and look where the divorce rates are highest: Belgium (71%, 2010).  There's almost something ironic about that.

 

It's also ironic that finances are often cited as the #1 reason for divorce.  We have this cozy social narrative that marriage is about love, but in reality marriage is a social pact for mutual benefit.  As soon as interests diverge, marriages often fall apart--just like any other social grouping.

[Darklord Rooke]

Interesting.  I hadn't realized there was so much variance in divorce rate among first world nations.  I don't think finances can fully explain it.  Greece's divorce rate is ~25%.  The divorce rates of many developing countries are in the lower quartile.  There must be other factors at play.

 

Women in Greece follow more traditional roles, they find it hard to get a job and when they do they're sometimes paid poorly and under the counter. Labor participation for women is low, especially young women. This lack of security and cultural expectations may be one of many reasons (in an incredibly complex issue) of why divorcing is not as feasible an option.

 

EDIT: I should point out this is just a stab in the dark by me.

[Nosebleed]

Interesting.  I hadn't realized there was so much variance in divorce rate among first world nations.  I don't think finances can fully explain it.  Greece's divorce rate is ~25%.  There must be other factors at play.

 

Oh, and look where the divorce rates are highest: Belgium (71%, 2010).  There's almost something ironic about that.

I just speak from personal experience of course, the general opinion here is that having children and getting married is limiting to career and life choices, which also reflects in the increasingly low marriage rate (3.1% of the population got married in 2013, a number that keeps dropping since 1970).

Basically the population is putting financial security and career options over personal and intimate relationships, that's what most of the media I come across here says as well as the general opinion of people, marriage is just simply not as valuable here right now because poverty is more alarming and people are more concerned about either leaving the country or getting good grades in college so they can get a well paid job, relationships tend to stay on the lower end of the spectrum and they rarely evolve into marriage anymore.

 

Also forgot to mention unemployment rates are likely a big factor in divorce, though this would be encompassed in the bigger scope that is a financial crisis.

 

I guess this would make sense for Greece as well, except their stats are vastly different so I honestly don't know what to tell you about those, all my knowledge about "reasons why people divorce and don't get married in Portugal" comes mostly from the media here. 

 

Also fun fact I discovered, traditional marriages in churches are steadily dropping and being replaced by the casual marriage registration cerimonies, a fact once again mostly attributed to the expenses related to the cerimony.

[Tyrael]

I'm just over being depressed about the bleak outcome of today's marriages' results. Just don't get married. Have fun and enjoy life. Seriously, get your heart broken once, twice or so without the whole pen and paper thing involved. Listen to all those who have been there before you and just don't do it. Once you get some experience notches under your belt, the pangs of yearning to get married will be gone. Just don't get trapped in the process with a kid. Plan your kid if you want one. Wear protection. 

 

I love my daughter to pieces right now. Watching her babble in her baby talk like a little alien is so freaken hilarious. I wish I could take her without the mother package deal. Though I'll be bluntly honest - I wouldn't need either of them to be happy. I'd also be happy though if I could grow old in a community where I felt I belonged to, and could take care of the folks there from young to old myself. You don't need a special lady to hold onto as you tread into senile-hood. I used to think that was the bitter talk of old people, but it's not just that. It's just as true that you could be just as happy, and even happier without. 

 

The thing is, I'm not happy right now. The only time I can recall where I was sort of happy was when I was kinda (it was complicated) dating my first 'girlfriend' so I figured I wanted that feeling back...

[sanahtlig]

Women in Greece follow more traditional roles, they find it hard to get a job and when they do they're sometimes paid poorly and under the counter. Labor participation for women is low, especially young women. This lack of security and cultural expectations may be one of many reasons (in an incredibly complex issue) of why divorcing is not as feasible an option.

 

EDIT: I should point out this is just a stab in the dark by me.

I think there's truth to that.  Divorce becomes increasingly unlikely when there's a power imbalance.  In that sense, a lower divorce rate may reflect a more prominent gender caste system rather than a greater marriage satisfaction rate.  In that case, the higher divorce rates may actually provide a better picture of overall marriage satisfaction.

[B0X0R]

After reading this thread, I have come to one conclusion: Never ask a Fuwan for advice.

[blahblahblahxxx]

The thing is, I'm not happy right now. The only time I can recall where I was sort of happy was when I was kinda (it was complicated) dating my first 'girlfriend' so I figured I wanted that feeling back...

You can't really rely on a girl to make you happy. I know it's cliche, but you need to make yourself happy. Plus, a lot of girls don't really wanna be with depressed guys. I dunno if I would date a depressed guy tbh. It's just not attractive. Most girls want the guy to be strong for them, not the other way around.

[Nosebleed]

I don't think he's relying on another person to make him happy, I think this is more about lack of intimate human contact/relationships which you can really only fix by spending time with someone you care about.

You also don't have to act depressed towards the person even if you're feeling a bit down. It's all about approaching the situation with the right attitude.

I can be sad inside but if I spend time with someone i can cheer up, as long as I don't mop around when I'm with them of course, and eventually that can heal me up on deeper levels too.

I think what's important here is really just developing the ability to enjoy spending time with someone and having a deeper emotional connection, even if it's not on a romantic level.

[Tyrael]

It's scary how well nosebleed understands me... I should also mention I have a thing for older women which are pretty hard to meet for me or since I'm still a student and all which is why I figured I should try looking elsewhere

[crunchytaco]

Go to a strip club and ask for a stripper to hold hands with you, but tell her you don't want to buy a lap dance from her until the 5th date. 

 

 

After reading this thread, I have come to one conclusion: Never ask a Fuwan for advice.

 

[astro]

how to get my finger out of this jar

[Tyrael]

Go to a strip club and ask for a stripper to hold hands with you, but tell her you don't want to buy a lap dance from her until the 5th date. 

 

 

 

I hope we can get some real advice/questions in here as well...

[crunchytaco]

*Clears throat*

 

 

Obviously you're frustrated and at your wits end for a lady companionship. I went through a similar stage at your age (whatever age that was for me.) I did use strip clubs once in a while to cope with my inability to connect with the other sex during that time. Obviously being a college student, it's unwise to splurge your money at these places buying VIP lap dances, but if you can buy a drink here or there while taking the chance to chat and feel comfortable - strippers can be some of the best teachers in the world...

 

 

There was the time I sat a whole day drinking with a stripper and her friend. It was a slow, hot day for business, and I all wanted were some beers to relax. Pretty soon we were talking about criminal justice, ted bundy and other college-y topics that one of the strippers was studying in. I got "friend-zoned" according to one stripper. She also ended up giving me a surprise blowjob later that night. 

 

What I enjoy in the company of strippers is that I don't feel judged. As long as I treat and talk to them with respect. You're going to get gipped and hustled by some nasty strippers if you flash your wallet and ask for sex of course. They'll think you're a cop for one. You can be whoever you want at a strip club, just not a cop. 

[Mugi]

how to get my finger out of this jar

>Break finger

>Pull it out

Profit?

[crunchytaco]

Here I'll state a problem. Feel free to give me advice.

 

Problem: 

 

After returning from Asia, I have discovered that my body lacks a balanced nutritional diet - resulting in many mental dysfunctions and physical diseases like acid re-flux, hair loss and acne. I know this because a month of staying in Asia had eliminated my physical ailment problems, and everyone compliments how nice my skin is on returning. The fresh ingredients and balanced meals they have in Asia are superior to my frozen super market food and Mcdonalds. The nearest Asian supermarket is an hour away. I don't really know how to cook anyway. I still rely on my mother for home cooked meals; but her meals lack taste these days because of her high cholesterol and my dad's high blood pressure (also results of the American diet.)

[Darklord Rooke]

You really don’t need to know how to cook to actually cook. Let me give you an example.

 

Meal #1:

 

Grab a can of chickpeas, remove water from can – dump in frying pan

Grab a tomato and cut into any size pieces you want – dump into frying pan

Grab one sausage from butcher and cut into any size pieces you want – dump into frying pan

 

Fry till sausage is cooked. Take out. Eat alone or mix with some rice. Voila, a meal fit for a lazy person

 

Alternatively Meal #2:

 

Grab a small can of “4 beans”. Mash these suckers as much as you like.

Grab some mash potato (boil potatoes, mash, then add butter, or get the frozen stuff from the supermarket.)

Mix the mashed beans with the mash potato. Sprinkle mixture with parmesan cheese.

Fry this mixture.

 

Voila – Veggie burger.

 

Alternatively Meal #3 – This ones REALLY simple:

 

Buy half a pumpkin from the supermarket (I prefer Buttenut.)

Cut into chunks.

Sprinkle with oil, shove into oven.

Remove when pumpkin is soft and caramalised.

 

Voila – Roast pumpkin. Feel free to add potato, sweet potato, and carrot to the mixture. Do NOT remove from the oven until everything is deliciously soft. This is one of my favourite meals in the winter.

 

If you know how to boil veggies then you can do a classic British meat and 3 boiled veg meal. Boring but it does the job.

 

Gradually teach yourself to cook. It's a life-skill you'll need if you want to look after yourself, and knowing how to look after yourself is important. Start with simple stuff like the above.