Ask a Fuwan (Advice thread)

[crunchytaco]

Ah, you're doing what Jesus teaches - teaching me to fish!

[Tyrael]

*Clears throat*

 

 

Obviously you're frustrated and at your wits end for a lady companionship. I went through a similar stage at your age (whatever age that was for me.) I did use strip clubs once in a while to cope with my inability to connect with the other sex during that time. Obviously being a college student, it's unwise to splurge your money at these places buying VIP lap dances, but if you can buy a drink here or there while taking the chance to chat and feel comfortable - strippers can be some of the best teachers in the world...

 

 

There was the time I sat a whole day drinking with a stripper and her friend. It was a slow, hot day for business, and I all wanted were some beers to relax. Pretty soon we were talking about criminal justice, ted bundy and other college-y topics that one of the strippers was studying in. I got "friend-zoned" according to one stripper. She also ended up giving me a surprise blowjob later that night. 

 

What I enjoy in the company of strippers is that I don't feel judged. As long as I treat and talk to them with respect. You're going to get gipped and hustled by some nasty strippers if you flash your wallet and ask for sex of course. They'll think you're a cop for one. You can be whoever you want at a strip club, just not a cop. 

 

Thank you, Taco. Other than that little sex story in there (can't help but be super envious of that  ) this was really eye-opening to me. Your stories always end up making me feel stuff, one way or another 

 

Here's the kicker: I can connect with girls just fine on a friendship level thanks to years of practice in college. I had about 55 girls in my class in junior year of college and we were only 7 guys. Needless to say, the girls were nearly fighting over who got to be friends with us (like, which clique could 'have' us). I never really had problems talking to girls in high school either, because all the girls thought I was gay (every time I denied it people just brushed it off, annoying as fuck) and so I managed to make a few female friends there too even though I was bullied constantly. Anyways, so college was pretty nice except for the fact that I ended up falling for two girls during my three years there and both of them rejected my advances pretty directly, which shut down any kind of courage I had due to the fact that I was finally kinda popular in my class group. Even now, I interact with girls regularely in my student association (which I originally joined in hopes of finding a girlfriend with a similar view on politics as me, no luck so far...) and they keep telling me I'm a great guy, I'm just missing 'something'. According, I'm too 'nice', friend material etc... I don't really believe in the friend zone but this kinda pisses me off 

 

PS: One of my best friends (who I got to know in college) keeps telling me that if she had met me before she met her current husband, she'd have married me in a heartbeat. I initially thought we were joking, but she has confessed to me in private that on several occasions she has considered cheating on her husband with me because she feels that strongly about me. I have no idea what to think about this... 

[crunchytaco]

She's preying on you. You want companionship so badly, she knows it and she's looking to get out of her bored relationship, or at least spice it up with a little naughty affair. Just stop her. I'd rather go back to the strip club and pay a few bucks.

 

I'm going to be blunt Tyr: Every time I give you advice, you're always going back to how many female friends you had in school - telling me you don't have a problem with female connections. Obviously they look at you like you're gay for the most part and it didn't help your experience. If anything, it's frustrated you further because it's pigenon holed you and you cannot release your full intent as a male. That's been my observation. 

 

Actually, don't take my advices. I'd hate for you to go back to school and accidentally treat the poor girls in college like strippers, thereby turning the entire female force against you. Social politics in school has to many repercussions that I hate.  First you need to learn to compartmentalize all your emotions and feelings before going on advance courses like that... 

[Darklord Rooke]

Ah, you're doing what Jesus teaches - teaching me to fish!

 

I don’t recall teaching you how to use explosives…

 

-        Learn to eat oatmeal. Eat it with honey if you have to.

-        Cut sugars

-        Increase fibre

 

One other thing. If you have health problems related to food, you should try intermittent fasting. There’s been some research to suggest that light fasting improves everything from your metabolism to your brain function. It’s very simple, choose 2 days in the week and for those 2 days just eat a single meal instead of 3 (you get the idea.)

 

I'm giving out advice here because I'm procrastinating on some work I need to do. *Sigh* I'm too lazy *turns off internet*

[Kaguya]

 

PS: One of my best friends (who I got to know in college) keeps telling me that if she had met me before she met her current husband, she'd have married me in a heartbeat. I initially thought we were joking, but she has confessed to me in private that on several occasions she has considered cheating on her husband with me because she feels that strongly about me. I have no idea what to think about this... 

 

Oh. My advice changes in that case. Go for it- she probably just wants a little adventure in her life, but getting some real experience isn't bad. 

[crunchytaco]

Marie you're so crazy. That's not good for people who have little relationship experiences in the first place. A married woman is going to totally manipulate his feelings and destroy him. He can't even talk down and dirty with a female in fear of disrespecting her. What makes you think he can overcome the guilt of being the other man? That's going to destroy his perception of females and he'll be in therapy even longer.

Yes, if he doesn't take the boat, some other guy will come along and eat her pie out anyway. 

[Tyrael]

Marie you're so crazy. That's not good for people who have little relationship experiences in the first place. A married woman is going to totally manipulate his feelings and destroy him. He can't even talk down and dirty with a female in fear of disrespecting her. What makes you think he can overcome the guilt of being the other man? That's going to destroy his perception of females and he'll be in therapy even longer.

Yes, if he doesn't take the boat, some other guy will come along and eat her pie out anyway. 

 

I didn't even consider it for a second. Her husband's a nice guy, I could never do that to him. Cheating is one of the worst things anyone can do in my book, that's what I told her as well. She was pretty shocked at my reaction so I think I got through to her (I hope).

 

 

 

I'm going to be blunt Tyr: Every time I give you advice, you're always going back to how many female friends you had in school - telling me you don't have a problem with female connections. Obviously they look at you like you're gay for the most part and it didn't help your experience. If anything, it's frustrated you further because it's pigenon holed you and you cannot release your full intent as a male. That's been my observation. 

 

Actually, don't take my advices. I'd hate for you to go back to school and accidentally treat the poor girls in college like strippers, thereby turning the entire female force against you. Social politics in school has to many repercussions that I hate.  First you need to learn to compartmentalize all your emotions and feelings before going on advance courses like that... 

 

 

I'm sorry if I made you feel like I wasn't taking your advice seriously. You might be right after all

[crunchytaco]

I didn't even consider it for a second. Her husband's a nice guy, I could never do that to him. Cheating is one of the worst things anyone can do in my book, that's what I told her as well. She was pretty shocked at my reaction so I think I got through to her (I hope).

 

 

 

 

I'm sorry if I made you feel like I wasn't taking your advice seriously. You might be right after all

 

Please don't apologize. My post doesn't deserve more recognition than it should anyhow. I just saw a particular habit of yours I didn't know how to more delicately point out. Maybe I'm just jealous of all the girls you make friends with from school. 

[Tyrael]

Please don't apologize. My post doesn't deserve more recognition than it should anyhow. I just saw a particular habit of yours I didn't know how to more delicately point out. Maybe I'm just jealous of all the girls you make friends with from school. 

 

And I'm jealous of all the mad pussy you've gotten so far so I guess that makes us even. 

Even though I haven't gotten any concrete answers, you guys have given me enough things to think about. So, thank you everyone 

 

PS: I hope this thread can bring peace of mind to other people as it has done for me...

[Kaguya]

I didn't even consider it for a second. Her husband's a nice guy, I could never do that to him. Cheating is one of the worst things anyone can do in my book, that's what I told her as well. She was pretty shocked at my reaction so I think I got through to her (I hope).

 

Sorry, I just tend to assume people have a more or less similar world view as mine most of the time. 

 

Marie you're so crazy. That's not good for people who have little relationship experiences in the first place. A married woman is going to totally manipulate his feelings and destroy him. He can't even talk down and dirty with a female in fear of disrespecting her. What makes you think he can overcome the guilt of being the other man? That's going to destroy his perception of females and he'll be in therapy even longer.

Yes, if he doesn't take the boat, some other guy will come along and eat her pie out anyway. 

Hm. I stand by that advice because I think that he idolizes relationships to the point it actually hinders him from making one work. While you're a teen it's fine, but an adult man that acts all "you're the most precious thing in my life" after one month of dating has a few things coming for him... And people who never entered a relationship tend to act like that, from my limited life experience. I personally love that type of partner, though it never ended up well for them- man or woman.

 

Did not factor "guilt of being the other man" at all. I didn't think that was even a thing... My bad~

 

Better to get inevitably heartbroken sooner than later. If he actually sticks to a destructive relationship were he gets constantly abused, I guess this would backfire... Just take it as spartan advice? 

[crunchytaco]

And I'm jealous of all the mad pussy you've gotten so far so I guess that makes us even. 

Even though I haven't gotten any concrete answers, you guys have given me enough things to think about. So, thank you everyone 

 

PS: I hope this thread can bring peace of mind to other people as it has done for me...

 

Please, don't embarrass me. I'm just glad I never caught diseases. 

 

Sorry, I just tend to assume people have a more or less similar world view as mine most of the time. 

 

 

Did not factor "guilt of being the other man" at all. I didn't think that was even a thing... My bad~

 

 

 

I know, that's why I explained it for you. 

[Fiddle]

Here I'll state a problem. Feel free to give me advice.

 

Problem: 

 

After returning from Asia, I have discovered that my body lacks a balanced nutritional diet - resulting in many mental dysfunctions and physical diseases like acid re-flux, hair loss and acne. I know this because a month of staying in Asia had eliminated my physical ailment problems, and everyone compliments how nice my skin is on returning. The fresh ingredients and balanced meals they have in Asia are superior to my frozen super market food and Mcdonalds. The nearest Asian supermarket is an hour away. I don't really know how to cook anyway. I still rely on my mother for home cooked meals; but her meals lack taste these days because of her high cholesterol and my dad's high blood pressure (also results of the American diet.)

Super lazy yet effective solution: https://www.soylent.com/

[sanahtlig]

Problem: 

 

After returning from Asia, I have discovered that my body lacks a balanced nutritional diet - resulting in many mental dysfunctions and physical diseases like acid re-flux, hair loss and acne. I know this because a month of staying in Asia had eliminated my physical ailment problems, and everyone compliments how nice my skin is on returning. The fresh ingredients and balanced meals they have in Asia are superior to my frozen super market food and Mcdonalds. The nearest Asian supermarket is an hour away. I don't really know how to cook anyway. I still rely on my mother for home cooked meals; but her meals lack taste these days because of her high cholesterol and my dad's high blood pressure (also results of the American diet.)

 

Nutrition is a topic I've put a lot of thought into lately.  Let's see if I can dig up something I've already written about this.

 

I pretty much eat the same things every day. I put a lot of thought into balancing my diet nutritionally.  I don't actually cook anything; all I use is the microwave.  It's a low-hassle diet that doesn't require any special preparation or knowledge of cooking.  I'm a nutrition buff so feel free to question my choices.  Lately I've been raging against the FDA guidelines because they're based on incomplete or unsound science.

 

Breakfast: Mix of shredded wheat and a low-sugar cereal

Lunch: A reduced-sodium frozen dinner (sodium chloride replaced with potassium chloride), 1-2 sticks low-fat mozzarella cheese, 1 cup fresh fruit (typically citrus), mixed nuts

Dinner: Usually an entree salad (spinach or romaine as the base, added salad mix of other vegetables, beans or frozen fish as the protein component, canola-oil based dressing as the fat component), sometimes a sandwich (whole wheat bread, low-fat cheese, canned salmon or sardines), fresh fruit (often berries or grapes). Occasionally I'll make a can of beans the base of a meal or snack.

 

For drinks I alternate between low-sodium / high potassium vegetable juice and 2% milk (lowfat milk may actually be bad for you, so I stick with 2%).

 

For snacks or dessert, I have mixed nuts or whole fruit.

 

I've maintained a highly mechanical diet like this for several years, though I do try to improve it so it's changed over time. The main themes are reducing free sugar, limiting sodium and replacing it with potassium, limiting non-dairy saturated fat, replacing refined grains with whole grains, increasing omega-3 fatty acid intake, and in general eating for nutrition rather than for recreation. My diet is carefully adjusted to get sufficient amounts of required nutrients, especially calcium, dietary fiber, and protein.

 

I try to get most of my protein from fish, dairy products, nuts, and beans, and I generally avoid red meat. I do get a variety of Lean Cuisine-type frozen dinners, so I don't completely spurn processed foods and red meat.

[astro]

>After returning from Asia

There's your problem

[Mr. Meogii]

 I have no idea what to think about this... 

 

Think nothing of it. She's married. 

 

Besides I personally think most of the time Ladies look for outgoing, fun and crazy guys. Sometimes jerks as well. But just because you don't interest them doesn't mean that there aren't women out their that you would interest. Like you said before you friend that is marries said she'd marry you. 

 

In my Opinion i'd rather be seen as "Husband material" than "Date Material" Because it can be very hard to break out of. Stay Positive (y).

[sanahtlig]

I personally believe that women are instinctively attracted to breadwinner qualities, or qualities that suggest the man would be able to provide for the mother and her offspring and deal with external stressors.  These qualities include: a stable income, an assertive / dominant attitude (this includes related factors such as humor and height which influence perception of "ability to protect" and "being in control of situations"), courtship behavior indicating a strong interest or attachment, and a positive attitude.  This is more or less biologically preprogrammed, much in the way that mating behavior is preprogrammed in other animals.  Individual variations and value differences exist, but this is a general common theme that provided an evolutionary selective advantage and persists to this day.

[Flutterz]

These qualities include: a stable income, an assertive / dominant attitude (this includes related factors such as humor and height which influence perception of "ability to protect" and "being in control of situations"), courtship behavior indicating a strong interest or attachment, and a positive attitude.

brb adding to my list of excuses

[blahblahblahxxx]

For the nutrition problem, get a Nutribullet and then follow the recipes they have. They might sound gross but if you're that concerned about your health you should have an open mind. My mom did this and lost 30+ pounds. Also, just don't eat McDonalds.

 

 

I personally believe that women are instinctively attracted to breadwinner qualities, or qualities that suggest the man would be able to provide for the mother and her offspring and deal with external stressors.  These qualities include: a stable income, an assertive / dominant attitude (this includes related factors such as humor and height which influence perception of "ability to protect" and "being in control of situations"), courtship behavior indicating a strong interest or attachment, and a positive attitude.  This is more or less biologically preprogrammed, much in the way that mating behavior is preprogrammed in other animals.  Individual variations and value differences exist, but this is a general common theme that provided an evolutionary selective advantage and persists to this day.

This is true, but there's also something you're forgetting. I'm just gonna lay it all out there bluntly so if it sounds ignorant or if you get offended, I'm sorry, but what I'm about to say is pretty much true in many cases. You're forgetting that girls also want a guy WHO IS ATTRACTIVE. We all have different tastes, but if you're not exactly someone's cup of tea, then that's it, you're out. Girls are very shallow like that, which I'm sure you all know. In any relationship though, if that attraction isn't there, it's not gonna work out. People may say "it's what's inside that counts" Just... just no. Most of the time, that's complete bullshit. Especially for college girls.

 

Also, what is the level of your aspergers? I know this is terrible to say, and I might get a lot of shit for this, but if you're aspergers is pretty high up there on the scale, girls will probably get turned off by it. Just being honest.

 

Oh and by the way, don't say the P word. That's disgusting and offensive.

[Cofee]

P word?

[sanahtlig]

 You're forgetting that girls also want a guy WHO IS ATTRACTIVE. We all have different tastes, but if you're not exactly someone's cup of tea, then that's it, you're out. Girls are very shallow like that, which I'm sure you all know. In any relationship though, if that attraction isn't there, it's not gonna work out. People may say "it's what's inside that counts" Just... just no. Most of the time, that's complete bullshit. Especially for college girls.

[blahblahblahxxx]

P word?

[sanahtlig]

I don't understand why you're getting all technical. We could just make it simpler and say that girls go after guys who they think are hot or cute. And psssht you'd be so surprised how much looks matter to females. I have this one friend who's never had a boyfriend cause apparently she goes after guys who're "out of her league" She's got a pretty face, but she's a bit heavy, and only went after the jocks in high school. So I would also guess that it's not all about the face, but also the shape of the body.

I prefer to treat courtship as a behavioral science because it amuses me to do so.  You might say I like being different for the sake of being different.  I find spouting simple cliches to be boring.  There's little value in parroting the same things as everyone else.

[Darklord Rooke]

P word?

 

Panhygrous. Disgusting word ... and yes, I know some weird words.

 

Lots of generalising here. As you get older you see people attracted to all types, depends on the person and depends on what they want and like. Each person is different. When I was much younger I witnessed one of the prettier girls at school ask out one of the nerdier and less attractive students, and then saw her get rejected, so there's not really many rules or such. 'Men', 'Women', eh whatever they're just people, go and talk to them and get to know them. Just remember humour is important, basic hygiene too, don't forget to wear pants, and you're all set.

[sirjabberwock]

For the nutrition problem, get a Nutribullet and then follow the recipes they have. They might sound gross but if you're that concerned about your health you should have an open mind. My mom did this and lost 30+ pounds. Also, just don't eat McDonalds.

 

 

This is true, but there's also something you're forgetting. I'm just gonna lay it all out there bluntly so if it sounds ignorant or if you get offended, I'm sorry, but what I'm about to say is pretty much true in many cases. You're forgetting that girls also want a guy WHO IS ATTRACTIVE. We all have different tastes, but if you're not exactly someone's cup of tea, then that's it, you're out. Girls are very shallow like that, which I'm sure you all know. In any relationship though, if that attraction isn't there, it's not gonna work out. People may say "it's what's inside that counts" Just... just no. Most of the time, that's complete bullshit. Especially for college girls.

 

Also, what is the level of your aspergers? I know this is terrible to say, and I might get a lot of shit for this, but if you're aspergers is pretty high up there on the scale, girls will probably get turned off by it. Just being honest.

 

Oh and by the way, don't say the P word. That's disgusting and offensive.

This says more about you specifically than women in general. 

[sanahtlig]

We had an exercise in psychology class one day.  We were each given numbers and told to tape them to our head.  We weren't allowed to look at our numbers.  Then we were told to pair up with the highest numbered person possible.  At the end, we observed the pairings.  In general, high numbers had paired up with high numbers, low with low.

 

This is basically how human relationships work.  We're all seeking the highest number partner possible, but there's only so many high numbers to go around.  At the end, many of us end up with low numbers, or no partner at all.  Courtship is a competition, just like most of our lives.