Ask a Fuwan (Advice thread)

[blahblahblahxxx]

This says more about you specifically than women in general. 

mmnnoo no I don't think so. I know it's generalizing, but this is usually the consensus with all the girls I knew in my life. I have a lot of girl friends, and even now in college they still think this way. Sure when people get older they're more mature and write a bunch of stuff off, but I'm not sure what age group we're talking about here. My friends are all 19-23, so I'm basing it off of that. 

[Zodai]

Also, what is the level of your aspergers? I know this is terrible to say, and I might get a lot of shit for this, but if you're aspergers is pretty high up there on the scale, girls will probably get turned off by it. Just being honest.

 

Actually, the way people define high/low level aspergers is kind of confusing.  It's based off the root autism, in that it's a form of 'high-functioning' autism.  Low-functioning would be standard type, and therefore being 'higher' is actually considered better by that scale.  Just something to bring up.

 

I think most Aspies realize they're destined for a life of solitude without being told so.

 

False, at least in my case.  It certainly isn't impossible, but again I think the routes in place for introverts to meet up are woefully weaker compared to extroverts.  It's entirely possible, though learning at least some degree of social abilities is important.

[blahblahblahxxx]

Actually, the way people define high/low level aspergers is kind of confusing.  It's based off the root autism, in that it's a form of 'high-functioning' autism.  Low-functioning would be standard type, and therefore being 'higher' is actually considered better by that scale.  Just something to bring up.

I am fully aware that aspergers is high functioning autism. I just figured that some people may have it worse than others. (not meaning 'worse' as a bad thing)

[Zodai]

Let's just say it's complicated. 

[Tyrael]

 

Also, what is the level of your aspergers? I know this is terrible to say, and I might get a lot of shit for this, but if you're aspergers is pretty high up there on the scale, girls will probably get turned off by it. Just being honest.

 

It's very 'severe', if you will. I pretty much got max or near max score on every 'autism' test my psychologist did with me. He also said that as far as hiding my aspergers goes, I'm one of the best actors he's seen so far, lol. Because my intelligence is very high in a few aspects (mainly observational skills, speaking and analyzing my own behavior) I'm able to blend in reasonably well without people suspecting me of being autistic. Although people might think I have a few quirks, I have been able to conform to society rather well in comparison to a lot of my peers. Sadly, I can't hide it perfectly (and I will never be able to) so people will probably be weirded out by some things I do or say. This is also the reason why I'm open about my aspergers when it comes to my friends in the student association I'm part of (until this day most of them claim they have never noticed anything 'off' about me, I'm not so sure about that but w/e).

 

 

I'm also not entirely sure why the thread got moved to the member's lounge since I asked Nosebleed and he specifically stated he thought the coliseum was the right place for it. Oh well...

[Zodai]

I'm also not entirely sure why the thread got moved to the member's lounge since I asked Nosebleed and he specifically stated he thought the coliseum was the right place for it. Oh well...

 

Moderation moves in strange ways.  Aside from that I feel like Members' Lounge is probably the best place for the more serious-esque stuff, which this certainly seems to fill, at least from the initial idea discussed in the coliseum itself.

[atorq]

Now I'm starting to think I have aspergers. But it's probably just me trying to find a reason to why I have been so shitty at social interactions. 

[sirjabberwock]

mmnnoo no I don't think so. I know it's generalizing, but this is usually the consensus with all the girls I knew in my life. I have a lot of girl friends, and even now in college they still think this way. Sure when people get older they're more mature and write a bunch of stuff off, but I'm not sure what age group we're talking about here. My friends are all 19-23, so I'm basing it off of that. 

[Kaguya]

The discussion has been nice and serious, and we're getting some great member interaction here. I moved it because of that.

 

If it becomes silly stuff it'll go straight to the coliseum.  

[Eclipsed]

Didn't even know what Asperger's was so I googled it

 

I hella suck at effectively socializing and communicating with (strangers and acquaintances only; close friends/family are ez pz) but it's probably more because of me being an introvert rather than a developmental disorder 

 

AKA("Also Known As" -> in other words,) I panic like fk when I get into awkward silence moments with strangers. But with close people who cares if we have long periods of silence; feels normal. Comfort Zones I guess.

Edited May 29, 2015 by Eclipsed

[Mr. Meogii]

Didn't even know what Asperger's was so I googled it

I hella suck at effectively socializing and communicating with (strangers and acquaintances only; close friends/family are ez pz) but it's probably more because of me being an introvert rather than a developmental disorder

Aka I panic like fk when I get into awkward silence moments with strangers. But with close people who cares if we have long periods of silence; feels normal. Comfort Zones I guess.

When you said Aka what did you mean ?

Plus introvert's rock.

[sanahtlig]

Asperger's Syndrome doesn't even exist anymore as a diagnosis.  It's been folded into Autism Spectrum Disorders.  Think of it as high-functioning autism.

[Eclipsed]

@Meogii meant AKA "Also Known As". Kind of wrong to use it there since it's more for names/aliases/identities (ie. Link AKA the Hero of Time) but eh

~~
Elaborating on what I said earlier: since I find interacting with strangers so unpleasant I would actually choose not to interact than to interact.

 

All of my best friends IRL right now are the result of them being the ones who for some reason thought I was an interesting person and so they stuck around & interacted with me more until I eventually got comfortable around them and opened up myself.

Other than that, 99% of my acquaintances I meet will forever remain so if they have no interest in getting to know me better cuz I for one won't try to get to know them better
 

[Kosakyun]

Well, contrary to Eclipsed's opinion on interacting with strangers, I find interacting with them fun most of the time. Fun because sometimes, whoever they really are turns out to be different to that of my initial impression. That's, of course, if you get closer to that certain someone, eliminating the title of 'stranger' to you. Most of the time, the title 'stranger' is eliminated because of my advances. I like spending time with friends, yes, but it's also a nice experience to spend time with those that I don't really know much about. 

 

I personally find it easy so as long as you don't make out small mistakes as something serious. Whether or not a mistake you made is large or small depends on what you do after it, after all.

[crunchytaco]

@Meogii meant AKA "Also Known As". Kind of wrong to use it there since it's more for names/aliases/identities (ie. Link AKA the Hero of Time) but eh

~~

Elaborating on what I said earlier: since I find interacting with strangers so unpleasant I would actually choose not to interact than to interact.

 

All of my best friends IRL right now are the result of them being the ones who for some reason thought I was an interesting person and so they stuck around & interacted with me more until I eventually got comfortable around them and opened up myself.

 

Surely, you wiggled your butt and had them flocking over. 

[Tyrael]

Surely, you wiggled your butt and had them flocking over. 

 

So, Eclipsed actually has a mating dance for potential friends?

[Rinima]

My problem: Every time I share a bed with the bf, the side that I'm on puffs up and makes it really uncomfortable to sleep up (and I get a bad back) cause he's heavier than me and I can't sleep closer to him to be comfortable cause he's like a human volcano. How do I sort this without hurting his feelings? 

[crunchytaco]

Invest in a memory foam mattress.

Have him explode before bed.

[Rinima]

Invest in a memory foam mattress.

Have him explode before bed.

He does have a memory foam mattress. That's how much heavier than me he is ;~;

[Eclipsed]

Yeah get one of those memory foam mattresses where in the commercials they show someone jumping on the mattress with a wine glass and it doesn't fall cuz shock absorbant or w/e

 

Edit: oh LOL. Get a better one!!

 

idk ;-;

[Kenshin_sama]

I think most Aspies realize they're destined for a life of solitude without being told so.

That's a painfully true statement. There were a couple instances of someone asking me why I didn't try to go out with the girls that were interested in me, and I never even noticed they were. And the one time I did take initiative to get a girlfriend, I went about it in a way that was embarrassingly awkward. There was one incident in middle school where a girl pretended to wanna go out with me, but it ended up being a prank. Also, my sense of humor isn't all that great and it's rare for me to say anything funny or interesting, so I don't think I'm cut out for a relationship. Idk, feels like there's no hope for me at all. At least I'm able to make a few friends.

[Rinima]

Just to give a posative boost to the aspies on here:

I'm not aspie (though I am in the 'neurodiverse' group since I have dyslexia and ADD), but I have dated one before, and it was one of the better relationships I've been in, and the only reason we broke up was because he wasn't in a good situation to be in a relationship, which had nothing to do with his aspergers. So don't give up hope, some of us get on oddly well people with aspergers/autism  

[Kenshin_sama]

Well, maybe it's just because I haven't given it a chance in a while. The last time I tried was back in high school, and my mentality has changed a lot since then. First thing's first, I need to get myself out of the rut I'm in. I've been holed up in my room for so long that the thought of getting a job and leaving the house makes me kinda anxious. I pulled myself together enough to put in one application, but I went back to my usual after that attempt. It doesn't help that I'm collecting money from disability either. I could see mental health if I wanted to, but even that has been a task and a half for me to set up (mentally). Somehow I feel more comfortable talking about my problems here than with a specialist. ._.

[crunchytaco]

He does have a memory foam mattress. That's how much heavier than me he is ;~;

 

Get two mattresses and push them together.

 

Be honest. (Man I just imagined it, and that's brutal.) 

[Rinima]

Well, maybe it's just because I haven't given it a chance in a while. The last time I tried was back in high school, and my mentality has changed a lot since then. First thing's first, I need to get myself out of the rut I'm in. I've been holed up in my room for so long that the thought of getting a job and leaving the house makes me kinda anxious. I pulled myself together enough to put in one application, but I went back to my usual after that attempt. It doesn't help that I'm collecting money from disability either. I could see mental health if I wanted to, but even that has been a task and a half for me to set up (mentally). Somehow I feel more comfortable talking about my problems here than with a specialist. ._.

Do little things and build it up. Maybe go out for some shopping at a small corner shop or something first and build up from there.

 

Get two mattresses and push them together.

 

Be honest. (Man I just imagined it, and that's brutal.) 

Yea, I would be honest, but I don't want to be an asshat ;~;