Do you need approval/recognition from others?

[InvictusCobra]

Yes, it's me again with yet another pseudo therapy question. Like a friend of mine said, "Woe is you. You like drama so much, you should try theater acting." 

Anyway, title. Do you need compliments from others to feel acomplished or to feel that you did a good job? Do you think that without recognition from other people, you feel as if your efforts have been for nothing and have achieved naught? 

Any suggestions on how to deal with that? 

Edited October 26, 2015 by InvictusCobra

[Yuuko]

I hate it when people compliment me

[Valmore]

As a general rule, most people are looking for feedback when they do something. It’s pretty normal. What matters is how much did you invest into it when needing that confirmation, or how attached to it you are. The more attachment/involvement you have, the stronger the desire to receive feedback.

[Abyssal Monkey]

God no. As I aptly told a girl in highschool who was smearing her face in makeup: "Why should others feel confident in you if you don't feel confident in yourself."

I still feel my  statement is incredibly accurate in all respects 7 years later.

As for how to deal with it? No clue. I like to think it borders closely to addiction if you excessively need it.

[MikeY91]

Well let's see, i am a co-dependent person, meaning that most of the time whatever happens with the people i care about affects me, if i deeply care about someone and that person is struggling, i will be emotionally struggling more than him/her, sometimes to the point of getting panic attacks. you may find this strange but for me (as i have been observing myself for pretty much all my life and studied a bit about psychology) it is all related to the experiences i had in my past.

Therefore, unfortunately the only way that i found to get rid of this problem is to stop being involved a lot with people around me, meaning that i had to be lonely most of the time, while many would say this is escaping reality, i actually agree, but really this is the only way that i found to get rid of the anxiety and stress, i wouldn't say that i make myself completely alone, i do study with my classmates sometimes in study groups, but having minimal interaction with everyone at least assures me that i can 'escape' anytime that i want, for me getting too involved with people feels like there is too much dept that i have to pay back to those people, i dunno if that makes any sense, but sometimes just getting too involved makes me stressed out no matter what the nature of those people are.  

let's get back to the point shall we? to answer your main question, yes unfortunately i do feel that way (Edit: i realized the question was do you need complements from others. so i will change that to a no, my point was that it is hard for me to decide on my own, not that i need a compliment, i guess i went a little bit farther than your question lol),

as much as i hate that, i think it's just something i can never change, honestly, for my whole life i have been only doing things for the sake of others, don't get me wrong i don't mean that i do things to impress anyone or to get their attention, what i mean is that i never really think about what i want to do, it feels weird to me to make my own decision and it doesn't seem real, for example, even when i went to school i wasn't really thinking about my own future, i was only studying cuz my parents told me to. I am in a university now and those feelings are really having their toll on me, cuz at this point in my life i have to make my own decisions, but i am not able to, so things are very very tough.

I don't think i am capable of answering your second question, i think you already know why, but i can't even change that about myself so i can't really give you any advise on how to change that. 

 

Edited October 26, 2015 by MikeY91

[CeruleanGamer]

I'd be fine with a certificate or a trophy. I don't need people's compliments.

Furthermore, people telling me good job is an insult to me because I'm an overachiever and I prefer when I hear GREAT OR AMAZING job, not just good (average). If you tell me good job, for me that's synonymous to try harder or hang in there...  

[Valmore]

I'd be fine with a certificate or a trophy. I don't need people's compliments.

Furthermore, people telling me good job is an insult to me because I'm an overachiever and I prefer when I hear GREAT OR AMAZING job, not just good (average). If you tell me good job, for me that's synonymous to try harder or hang in there...  

Good reply there, sir. Good good, goodity good.

[Guest]

This thread is gonna be a bunch of no's. People don't like to admit they like being flattered.

If the subject actually interests you, there has to be some interesting sociology studies thanks to which you can build your own opinion ;).

 

 

[Abyssal Monkey]

This thread is gonna be a bunch of no's. People don't like to admit they like being flattered.

If the subject actually interests you, there has to be some interesting sociology studies thanks to which you can build your own opinion ;).

The question is really broken from the outset.  It's asking whether or not we need praise rather than if we enjoy it.  Not everybody is dependant on other people to feel  satisfaction, but that doesn't mean they don't enjoy being praised, which is what you are referring to.

[Chronopolis]

I like it, but I'm pretty sure I'm overwhelmingly on the other side where I'll only devote myself to things which *I* want to do.

I still overly worry about what other will think though, but ironically those are for the littler things. For the my overall direction in life I honestly don't care what people think: no one gains anything when you follow society's expectations. It can end up hurting you if you have to get people's approval to feel ok about something.

Edited October 26, 2015 by Chronopolis

[Segai]

Yes and no, while I don't need confirmation of my every action it sure feels good to hear someone thank you or say "good job today". I'll still do things I want to do whether or not someone praises me for it but I'd be a liar if I said I didn't get motivated by hearing praise from someone. I wouldn't go out of my way to request praise though, like "Did I do well today?".

[tahu157]

Have you ever heard of the five love languages?  5LL is an idea that says there are five basic modes of communicating love to people, and that every person "speaks" one of those languages in particular.  They are:

- Words of Affirmation

- Acts of Service

- Receiving Gifts

- Quality Time

- Physical Touch

 

It's possible that your love language is Words of Affirmation.  Nothing wrong with that per se.  It just means that, as you've noticed, you feel a need for people to recognize and/or compliment you.

As for me, I'm pretty darn sure that I'm Acts of Service.  Recognition and whatnot is nice, but I don't really need it.  Similarly I don't give out compliments hardly at all.  Instead I find ways to do something for people.

Edited October 26, 2015 by tahu157

[CeruleanGamer]

If you can answer this question and look at life as: "What did I do to justify my existence today?" each and every day, you will be better off instead of waiting for others to affirm it for you. You are the master of your own destiny, don't wait for others to do things for you and be a go-getter! If you need approval and recognition for all your accomplishments, it will all go in your head, you will be stressed out and eventually you will end up a failure. The main causes of dishonesty, cheating, and other questionable conduct to elevate oneself are greed, pride, and gluttony, 3 bad things that are related to too much pursuit of approval and recognition. 

Edited October 26, 2015 by CeruleanGamer

[Flutterz]

This thread is gonna be a bunch of no's. People don't like to admit they like being flattered.

If the subject actually interests you, there has to be some interesting sociology studies thanks to which you can build your own opinion ;).

The question is really broken from the outset.  It's asking whether or not we need praise rather than if we enjoy it.  Not everybody is dependant on other people to feel  satisfaction, but that doesn't mean they don't enjoy being praised, which is what you are referring to.

Pretty much this, I certainly like being praised but if I sat around waiting for someone to praise me I'd be sitting a damn long time.

[Funyarinpa]

As far as I know, I'm disappointing to myself over anybody else.

Then again, my life has some deception in it so maybe if my social circle knew that shit, it'd be even worse.

Anyway, the thing is that I'm unnecessarily self-deprecating and depending on the situation other people's views can matter or not matter. It changes I suppose, but I usually do feel like being part of the majority is easier.

[Guest]

This thread is gonna be a bunch of no's. People don't like to admit they like being flattered.

If the subject actually interests you, there has to be some interesting sociology studies thanks to which you can build your own opinion ;).

The question is really broken from the outset.  It's asking whether or not we need praise rather than if we enjoy it.  Not everybody is dependant on other people to feel  satisfaction, but that doesn't mean they don't enjoy being praised, which is what you are referring to.

Oh I see, I may have misunderstood the question then.

I think it can be either way. My opinion on that is :

Your actions is what other people will judge you on. Feeling integrated into a group can feel really good. At least I don't think that many people enioy being left on their own. It's like any group, people join them because they can find people with similar interests. Other people that will see them in a positive light because they share common interests. I don't think it's that unusual for people do things to feel accomplished.

I'm not saying solitude is not enjoyable. But it does feel like shit when others do not accept you.

For example, I don't like when relationships (friendly for example) feel fake. It's a global effort, I show my friends I like them because I want them to know and because I want to know if they like me too. Maybe it's about lacking confidence or something like this, but I by the rule that you don't get anything if you don't do it first. "Don't do something to someone if you don't wan't someone to do it to you, and do things to others if you want it back". Relationships shouldn't be onesided.

However I don't think it should become a habit. If it's too frequent it sounds more like boot licking than anything else. It feels like a forceful attempt at integrating yourself and that doesn't sound good to me.

[Valmore]

If you can answer this question and look at life as: "What did I do to justify my existence today?" each and every day, you will be better off instead of waiting for others to affirm it for you. You are the master of your own destiny, don't wait for others to do things for you and be a go-getter! If you need approval and recognition for all your accomplishments, it will all go in your head, you will be stressed out and eventually you will end up a failure. The main causes of dishonesty, cheating, and other questionable conduct to elevate oneself are greed, pride, and gluttony, 3 bad things that are related to too much pursuit of approval and recognition. 

Still stressing out because you have not acknowledged my existence earlier. DON'T YOU LOVE ME?!?!

[Silvz]

yes

[Darklord Rooke]

Yes, it's me again with yet another pseudo therapy question. Like a friend of mine said, "Woe is you. You like drama so much, you should try theater acting." 

And if you listen to the Big Bang Theory, 'there are many studies that suggest that people who go into the performing arts suffer from an external locus of identity,' which explains your question

[CeruleanGamer]

If you can answer this question and look at life as: "What did I do to justify my existence today?" each and every day, you will be better off instead of waiting for others to affirm it for you. You are the master of your own destiny, don't wait for others to do things for you and be a go-getter! If you need approval and recognition for all your accomplishments, it will all go in your head, you will be stressed out and eventually you will end up a failure. The main causes of dishonesty, cheating, and other questionable conduct to elevate oneself are greed, pride, and gluttony, 3 bad things that are related to too much pursuit of approval and recognition. 

Still stressing out because you have not acknowledged my existence earlier. DON'T YOU LOVE ME?!?!

[Monmon]

I prefer to work from behind the scenes so i rarely got recognition except from my group/teammates. It feels kinda nice though when some1 gave u a pat in the back and got invited for a pint.

[Cyrillej1]

When I do something for others, I usually try to confirm to myself that it's really what I want to do even if I won't get a thank you/good job.  But it definitely helps to make me feel happy to know my efforts are actually recognized by someone.

I know supportive words can be a real booster because it can be for me, so it's why I like to show my appreciation for others when I really feel it too.

[hitoribocchi]

Hell no, it annoys me when people compliment me.

 

[Funyarinpa]

Hell no, it annoys me when people compliment me.

 

What an admirable worldview. 

Edited October 29, 2015 by Funyarinpa

[Godskrieg]

From my closest group of friends, yes. Other people can kiss my ass.