I'd like to tell everyone about a new VN on kickstarter.

[Bob Smith]

So, I'm voice acting for this visual novel on kickstarter. It's in its last week so I've been trying to promote it to anyone I think would be interested. If you guys want to talk to me about it, ask me questions, whatever, I will stick around to talk to people. I have limited information as a voice actor, but I'd like to talk about what you guys like about the project, what you don't like, what you think could be better. Here it is: https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/247104356/visual-novel-lost-in-the-drift-0?ref=nav_search

[Decay]

Why did they think it was a good idea to slap the logo on top of the character images so you can barely see them?

edit: And what's the deal with those "last resort" tiers? 

[Narcosis]

Why do people never learn from others' mistakes... instead they come to some obscure forums on the internet and try to ask for 'feedback'.

As Decay said, why did they put watermarks on character samples? There's literally no reason for that on a KS page, least posting multiple character cg's. They should pick a single one that describes a character the best and write an appropriate introduction, if they really need to go the standard way that badly.

Why aren't the devs personally interested to spread news about their game? Seeing one of the contractors doing their job instead feels quite far-fetched, to say the least and does not provide a good image for the team, nor their project.

Can't say much about the game itself. At this point synopsis provides literally nothing to ponder about, just another typical 'battle royale' kind of story. Those have been seen in dozens, since the rise of popularity of titles such as 999 or Dangan Ronpa; not the most innovative, nor original stuff. Will the story itself alleviate for the lack of originality?

I'm personally not interested in games like these, but I wish you all good luck regardless.

[Black Sands Entertainment]

This probably is the dev. When you have 0 karma and 2 posts, its a fake account made to post a kickstarter without any engagement from the community.

When I drop my kickstarter and people can check my a billion posts, they know its legit. Not some random surrogate tryign to get their money.

[Makudomi]

Wishing you guys the best. If you really are just an enthusiastic contractor like you claim, I admire your devotion to the project in going to these lengths to advertise for their sake.

Regarding what I see so far, I do like the character designs (image+personality); I'd give it a try if given the opportunity if just to see how they all interact. Voice-acting is something I largely consider an unnecessary luxury for indie VNs (price+effort outweighs the average output), but since you've already gone that far I look forward to seeing how it turns out.

However, lacking a playable demo, I can't help but feel as though you guys launched this KS too early. I can speak from my own perspective here, and I believe this is echoed with many potential backers -- just seeing ideas and assets on a screen is not enough to make me feel like I want to invest my money in your success. A demo is essential in showcasing not just what your game looks like and what the premise is, but tying it all together in an accessible format that will give backers faith that their money is going to be used properly.

Also, as @Decay pointed out, I don't really see any logic in simply pumping out more expensive tiers as a last resort. That kind of investment simply isn't going to come from potential backers until you've given them a playable demo release through which to grow interested. I'm not saying that can't happen down the line, but short of a miracle, I believe you'll need more of a presentation than this.

[bigfatround0]

He's been spamming this shit on reddit too.

[Bob Smith]

@Makudomi You're probably right. To be honest, I think the person who is in charge of the Kickstarter launched too early and maybe didn't plan ahead very well. I'll relay your feedback to her though, because I think she'll want to try again and maybe this time it'll do a bit better.

@Black Sands Entertainment No, I actually am one of the voice actors. I just figure that if the game doesn't get the money it needs it'll either not happen or I will probably get paid less. Either way, that's why I'm doing the advertising for it. The dev is too, but I don't think she's posted here yet.

@Decay @Narcosis Yeah, I thought the watermark was a strange thing to do, but I think the artist who is doing all of the artwork for the game is very protective and wanted to put a watermark so people wouldn't steal her art. Which, while being probably a bit too cautious, I do understand. 

[Bob Smith]

@bigfatround0 Yeah, I'm guilty of that. I hate that I'm one of those people now, but I really do want it to succeed.

[Dergonu]

22 minutes ago, bigfatround0 said:

He's been spamming this shit on reddit too.

Not exactly what I'd call constructive critisism... 

 

The faults that Decay and the others pointed out is pretty spot on, though I can see why the artist wants to protect her art. Maybe try to talk her into making the watermarks smaller / less obstructive? 

Seeing as the campaign probably wont make it, a few things you guys should work on for next time: 

 

Get some pictures from the game or make a short demo playable. Without anything but the synopsis to go on, it will for many be too little information to back the game blindly. (Me included.)

Gotta say, the desperation tier, "fund us!" was a bad idea. There really wont be a person in their right mind who will simply back the entire project because there is a tier for it. Next time, try to make the actual campaign more appealing instead of making the newest viewable update on the page an act of despetaion. Seems like you guys weren't quite ready for the kickstarter, as there was a lack of content to show the backers. 

More PR about the game BEFORE launching the kickstarter will make funding it more likely. Like @Black Sands Entertainment pointed out (though a bit bluntly) . Make a thread on VN communities like Fuwanovel, spread the word, then make a well put together kickstarter once you have some more stuff to show.  

The game sounds very interesting, and I'm all for unqiue OELVNs. If you guys can sort out some of the stuff on the kickstarter for next time, I'm sure this compaign will go a lot better. 

[VirginSmasher]

Looks like a generic OELVN. I'll most likely avoid this one unless it gets high ratings on reviews.

[bigfatround0]

14 minutes ago, Dergonu said:

Not exactly what I'd call constructive critisism...

Who said it was?

[Makudomi]

37 minutes ago, Bob Smith said:

@Makudomi You're probably right. To be honest, I think the person who is in charge of the Kickstarter launched too early and maybe didn't plan ahead very well. I'll relay your feedback to her though, because I think she'll want to try again and maybe this time it'll do a bit better.

Here's hoping it goes well. I think the idea has potential, but the more you have to show for your early work, the more curious onlookers will become loyal backers. And hey, a voiced demo sounds like a pretty solid hook for a measly 3.2k.

[Bob Smith]

Thank you all for your help. I'll talk to the dev and let her know what everyone thinks and what we can do better. I'll come back to let you guys know if we try again. Unless you don't want that, in which case I will leave.

[Darklord Rooke]

For me, the most potentially exciting part of this story is the exploration of a new and dangerous world, and the struggle the characters will face to survive (The Walking Dead is a favourite of mine.) To get excited I would like to see glimpses of this world, and see examples of their trials, instead there's some character descriptions, a vague reference to character betrayal ... some red eyes and nothing else. Which means for me, there's almost zero information TBH.

In other words, the pitch could use some work.

[Bob Smith]

@Rooke Gotcha. I'll make sure the dev knows that if we try again we need some examples of locations, maybe a small demo of an important part of the story, stuff like that.

[Fred the Barber]

Frankly the mechanics displayed by the writing in the Kickstarter are worrying. The text suffers from overuse of passive voice and "be" verbs, inconsistency in tense, bad rhythm (most of the sentences are very short, giving it a very choppy feel when reading), and some rather unnatural language. Examples of the last:

Quote

At the age of 17, one would think that he would be a little more.. well-put-together in his scared side.

Quote

In a close tie to Liam, he is known as the second-brain.

Quote

She has multiple-personality disorder - she has two different sides. One of which is a calm, loving girl.. While the other, is much less than that.

Quote

His personality is definitely a more rough-sided person.

If I assume the VN is going to have these same kinds of problems, it's probably going to be a pretty painful experience to read.

The art might be fine, but as others have pointed out, it's kind of hard to say - the character images are very low-resolution to begin with, and the logo isn't making them any easier to see.

The setting is potentially interesting, but details are light. I like Rooke's suggestion of examples - nothing speaks louder for a clear vision than an actual snippet of the intended finished product, even if it's a mock-up.