discussion BRXKEN INSIDE review discussion

[fuyopon]

Back in August, I played the demo for BRXKEN INSIDE. It's a psychological horror yuri and around... 1 hour? It's still a demo, after all.

Check it out here and let's discuss! What are your expectations for the full release?

 

[Zakamutt]

The description of issues with the prose reminds me of another VN that I thought has issues: Double Exposure. At the time, I wrote a vndb note with (among other things): A kind of cool concept with some nice moments both cute and tense. But god, the prose for the viewpoint character Serena and her narration is really bad. When you try to write something flowery — with big words and all that jazz — you really need to be on the ball, and the frequent awkward phrasings and plain misuses of words on show here fall very short of the mark. This also spills over into Lizzie's dialogue, which at times feels unnatural. I think I'm a bit unusually sensitive to this, as I realized when I discussed how turned off I had been with lesiak (I think I picked up the VN after he discussed it briefly in a post, so naturally I had to complain at him for a bit).

Overall, I think the point I made in my old remark that writing more plainly is the safer option for most writers is very relevant. Most writers in VNs just are not good enough — often have not read enough in that style to know what is good — to make it work. I will be much more forgiving of writing that is a bit plain than writing with the ornamentation put on all wrong. But maybe it's just me.

[fuyopon]

1 hour ago, Zakamutt said:

The description of issues with the prose reminds me of another VN that I thought has issues: Double Exposure. At the time, I wrote a vndb note with (among other things): A kind of cool concept with some nice moments both cute and tense. But god, the prose for the viewpoint character Serena and her narration is really bad. When you try to write something flowery — with big words and all that jazz — you really need to be on the ball, and the frequent awkward phrasings and plain misuses of words on show here fall very short of the mark. This also spills over into Lizzie's dialogue, which at times feels unnatural. I think I'm a bit unusually sensitive to this, as I realized when I discussed how turned off I had been with lesiak (I think I picked up the VN after he discussed it briefly in a post, so naturally I had to complain at him for a bit).

Overall, I think the point I made in my old remark that writing more plainly is the safer option for most writers is very relevant. Most writers in VNs just are not good enough — often have not read enough in that style to know what is good — to make it work. I will be much more forgiving of writing that is a bit plain than writing with the ornamentation put on all wrong. But maybe it's just me.

Nah, I feel you on this one. I like it when the writing has a point to it, but it doesn't seem to be the case for this one. Sure, she's an edgy teen who thinks others are trash—like almost any teen—but the pretentious writing makes me feel not care for her. She just sounds very emo (lol)