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OriginalRen: An Original Biography

solidbatman

By solidbatman
in The Coliseum of Chatter

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solidbatman Fuwa Master

solidbatman

Posted
Posted

There is someone on these forums that does so much for us. We owe everything we have to him. His constant appearances her cheer us up, and lead us to the light. Without this person, we wouldn't be here today. That person is Tay.

 

But lets talk about Ren today. 

 

What is there to say about Ren. He's handsome, dashing, and has wonderful lovely locks of blonde hair. Or he is bald. No one is sure. No one has actually seen him before. Like Bigfoot, he keeps to himself and only shows himself to those who own a dog suit and a fistful of cash (I'm implying he dresses in a dog suit for sexual pleasure). 

 

Source tell solidbatman that Ren is in fact a homophobe, but solidbatman can confirm these reports as false. Ren is anything but. In fact, he could be described as a a homolover. Just today, sources were told that solidbatman makes his "dick rock hard." These reports could not be independently verified though but match reports from witnesses. 

 

OriginalRen has been observed performing an activity called "streaming". These "streams" as they are called, often draw in a whole handful of viewers. The viewers are often just Ren's other computers (he runs a Mac btw). A source was quoted as saying, "His dungeon, I mean basement, is filled with 3 computers, all of which are Apple II PC's and can barely run Oregon Trail. 

 

These streams are done to raise awareness for various TL projects for visual novels. Sadly, nobody cares and nobody seems to get off on reporting these streams and youtube channels to copyright holders. The author of this report believes this is done for "shits and giggles". OriginalRen has not yet responded to a request for comment on this developing situation, but his response can be assumed by this quote. "I need some players, who wants to join." 

 

As one can tell, he lacks the friends needed to navigate the cruel cruel world of VN streaming. The author of this report notes that solidbatman never had issue streaming and was beloved by many for his high quality, very frequent 10/10 streams. These streams stand in stark contrast to OriginalRen's highly original streams that merely make so called "memes" and cause much butthurt to the dickbutts of Fuwaverse. 

 

Now that we understand OriginalRen's current self, let us look at his past.

 

OriginalRen was born at a young age to a single Canadian mother. He never met his father, leading some to believe he was actually the creation of a scientist in a Canadian Moose Factory. This explains the random moose-likes moans that come from his mouth when someone disagrees with him to a violent manner. 

 

Growing up, Ren had many friends who bullied him. They were less friends and more of bullies than anything. These bullies, American school girls, often stole his lunch money forcing Ren to drink maple syrup everyday for lunch. Ren felt slighted, but was restrained by the thought that these girls were at least happy. This gave him strength to move forward, and continue letting those American school girls steal his lunch money.

 

When Ren entered high school, he met that special someone. She was blind, deaf, mute, and had no hair thanks to the Tim Horton's Explosion of 1956. She pitied Ren, and asked him out using sign language. Ren thought she too was trying to steal his money, so he hid. Unable to find him, the girl gave up. Ren was traumatized by the goblin looking girl taking pity on him. From that day forward, he resolved himself to become a stronger man. 

 

One day, he joined a forum and met solidbatman. solidbatman took Ren under his cowl and taught him how to be a man. Ren emerged confident, and with a new voice. A voice for sex. All the fangirls instantly fell in love with him. So Ren did what he could. He streamed. Regardless of what you think of the quality, one has to concede that the voice is in fact, sexy. 

 

After a run in with the Fuwa Dictatorship of the time, Ren went underground and led a resistance movement that eventually toppled the old regime and propped up a council that led policy making. This was not without pain and suffering. Ren underwent yet another transformation. He began to think his role was over. But then, a schism took place in a common gathering ground. This led to the creation of a free plaza, filled with the misfits of Fuwanovel. Data Sex often took place, but then along came the King of Sandstorm, Scottsune Miku. Leading the charge for vocaloid pizza apps, Scottsune brought peace and prosperity to the citizens of the Ren Data Sex Plaza. The citizens looked up to Scottsune. This peace was not to last.

 

A butthurt troll took it upon himself to ruin the fun for everyone. This faggot was shown mercy by Ren though, and Ren's popularity soared higher than the Eiffel Tower, which we all aspire to be. 

 

Ren looks down upon us with love and care, slowly massaging our tired and weary feet with his strong, yet soft hands. One source tells me, "10/10 would be massaged again." Another source said this to the author, "We have to make a deck of Rens". The author is unsure of what this means, but it sounds lovely.

 

Ren died recently, in 1321 fighting off a Mongolian invasion. While he may no longer be with us, he graces us by remaining in our hearts, minds, and souls. And also dicks around the world. For that reason, a little bit of Ren is inside all of us. 

 

 

And now a picture of my blender.

 

 

Blender1922Poplawski4.jpeg

 

 

Ivan A. Fuwa Senior

Ivan A.

Posted
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This should be made a book!!! 

 

 

 

 

 

Now seriously, this was really fun to read. Great job batman, 10/10. 

Fiddle Fuwa Elite

Fiddle

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That was masterpieceful. This line really pulled on my heartstrings:

and Ren's popularity soared higher than the Eiffel Tower, which we all aspire to be.

I especially want to be the Eiffel Tower when I grow up.

Down Fuwa Master

Down

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Posted

That's like reading a metaphorical text where you have to read between the lines to discover the underlying truths.

 

We could start off some kind of religion with this text.

Flutterz Fuwa Master

Flutterz

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Posted

That was masterpieceful. This line really pulled on my heartstrings:

I especially want to be the Eiffel Tower when I grow up.

That's like reading a metaphorical text where you have to read between the lines to discover the underlying truths.

We could start off some kind of religion with this text.

Original + Christianity = Originality

Ivan A. Fuwa Senior

Ivan A.

Posted
Posted

And to think, this would have never happened if Ren hadn't ignored me on TS. 

 

Inspiration is still inspiration, regardless from where it came from.

Rose Fuwa Elite

Rose

Posted
Posted

There is someone on these forums that does so much for us. We owe everything we have to him. His constant appearances her cheer us up, and lead us to the light. Without this person, we wouldn't be here today. That person is Tay.

 

But lets talk about Ren today. 

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