Yuuko Posted November 3, 2015 Posted November 3, 2015 (edited) Let me tell you my sex story:THE ENDConfession: I think I should create a 1000 posts thread but writing sucks so I wont. Edited November 3, 2015 by Kiriririri PYAA Quote
OriginalRen Posted November 3, 2015 Author Posted November 3, 2015 I hated this story. The beginning was already really sketchy, I mean, we get introduced to three characters in two paragraphs and one of them (the cashier at the drug store) doesn't even make a second appearance in the story. Hello author, ever heard about chekhov's gunman?Next, our incredibly badly paced "romance" jumps into an H-scene, which goes on for way too long and annoys the audience by switching locations every other paragraph. And in the end, we the audience, are left just as blueballed as the protagonist. A minor saving grace would be the comedic element, but all in all it was too short and bad to leave an impression on me. Did the author just make a first draft and decided to go with it? I mean, what the fuck happend?Overall score:Pros:+ The comedy parts were really good, like when the dogs came into play.+ The protagonist is a likeable and relatable character. I mean, he has sex and a ton of weeb shit, that's everyone's dream, right?Cons:- Too short- Awkward pacing (the scene jumps happend to sudden and there is no real ending).- Tone issues (we go from self depriving "mimimi, I can't get laid" to comedy and porn, pick your tone ffs).- The utter lack of voice acting and music. I mean, am I supposed to hum baby got back while reading this?- Plot holes: We never get to know why the mother can't see the protagonist and his ex hanging out in a hot tub at 3:00 AM in the garden. Her motivations aren't explained at all.3/10It won't change the fact that Hoshizora no Memoria is still a shit game. Quote
Flutterz Posted November 3, 2015 Posted November 3, 2015 I thought it was something of the sort when you just ran out of TS What I actually mean is that I'm super jelly thoSome people have girls randomly coming over at 2 in the morning to fuck, and some people, well... Quote
OriginalRen Posted November 3, 2015 Author Posted November 3, 2015 I thought it was something of the sort when you just ran out of TS What I actually mean is that I'm super jelly thoSome people have girls randomly coming over at 2 in the morning to fuck, and some people, well... Some people have girls coming over at 1:00 in the morning! Quote
Flutterz Posted November 3, 2015 Posted November 3, 2015 Some people have girls coming over at 1:00 in the morning!I was implying something more along the lines of "will die alone" but I suppose that's technically accurate too. Mr Poltroon 1 Quote
Tyrael Posted November 3, 2015 Posted November 3, 2015 I thought it was something of the sort when you just ran out of TS What I actually mean is that I'm super jelly thoSome people have girls randomly coming over at 2 in the morning to fuck, and some people, well... Some people have girls coming over at 1:00 in the morning!I just noticed that Ren has taken Taco's place as the resident ladies' man of fuwa now Quote
Flutterz Posted November 3, 2015 Posted November 3, 2015 I just noticed that Ren has taken Taco's place as the resident ladies' man of sputnik nowSpeaking of sputniks, did you know that today is the 58th anniversary of the first living organism (larger than a microbe) reaching orbit in the Sputnik 2? Quote
Tyrael Posted November 3, 2015 Posted November 3, 2015 I just noticed that Ren has taken Taco's place as the resident ladies' man of sputnik nowSpeaking of sputniks, did you know that today is the 58th anniversary of the first living organism (larger than a microbe) reaching orbit in the Sputnik 2? How the hell did you even catch that ffs Quote
Flutterz Posted November 3, 2015 Posted November 3, 2015 How the hell did you even catch that ffsThat's just what happens when Kud is your waifu, I guess Quote
Shikomizue Posted November 3, 2015 Posted November 3, 2015 Confession:All right Fuwanovel, I have a story to share with all of you. I have to tell it to you because my goodness, I am still laughing my ass off as I type this. So I'll let you know straight out, this is going to be a story about sex. If you aren't into that kind of stuff, feel free to skip it over because I don't want to make anyone feel uncomfortable. That being said, I am sure a lot of you might have guessed this by now, but my sexual life is filled with a plethora of hilarity. This story, after a year or more of no sexual activity, is no different.Do you remember the other day when I was talking about how I felt a little bit frustrated that I didn't have someone I could flirt with for fun? Well turns out my ex and I were talking about random stuff like we always do, and things started to happen earlier this evening. We ended up bringing up the fact that we were both sexually frustrated, and seeing as how we are both single at the moment, we ended up hitting it off. One thing led to another and she drove over to my house to hang out. Mind you, this was at 1:30 in the morning. Now I say this because let's be honest, I don't know many friends that meet up during the wee hours of the morning just to hang out. Well as you might have guessed, "hanging out" turned into "let's fuck" in no time flat.Now of course I didn't have any condoms on me when she came over. I mean, I haven't been sexually active for over a year or more, and the only reason she just so happened to be on the pill was for cycle control. So what do we do? Hop in the car and head into town to grab condoms at 2:00 in the morning of course! No big deal, right?The look on that cashier's face. As a young man, you always dread the day you have to go and buy your first pack of condoms. Imagine how I felt after doing this many times in the past and being 25 years old and seeing the look of utter disappointment on her face. Simply dreadful. It didn't help that my ex decided it would be super awesome to come inside and buy them with me. That was a fun little chuckle they enjoyed having.Pride being destroyed aside, we ended up making our purchase (seriously, $20 for a pack of 36 at Walgreens?) and heading back to my place. Now being the horny little dogs we were, we just threw our clothes on the floor and started going at it on my living room sofa. No problem! We finished up and decided to take a dip in my hot tub to relax. Of course she didn't have a swimsuit with her and I had no idea where mine was, so we ended up going in naked. By the way, did I mention I am currently staying at my parent's house?So, things were going smoothly. The sex was great, and after spending a little bit of time in the tub, we decide that it would be kind of hot to get busy once again. Now thinking I was the coolest cat this side of the Mississippi, I told my ex having hot tub sex would be fun. She agreed. Easy!So here's a tip to everyone: having sex underwater is extremely difficult. I don't know how many zero-g slams you've performed in your lifetime, but let me tell you that's the last time I consider trying that out. To give you an idea of how it felt, think beached whales. Each thrust meant floating an extra mile across the tub, and positioning meant somebody was going straight underwater in the pit of scalding hot liquid. To put it lightly, it sucked. Well, one thing led to another and we agreed it was impossible and a stupid idea. Of course we wanted to finish the deed though, because both of us having blue balls would have been pure torture. Solution? Stand straight up and keep going at it!We both felt kind of kinky due to the fact that we were having outdoor sex while being pretty much fully exposed (you know, the whole voyeurism thing), and everything seemed to be going well for the most part. I used the word seemed here because we all know there's more to this story.Turns out at 3:00 in the morning, my neighbor's dog has to go to the bathroom. Now seeing that his backdoor is on a porch overlooking his yard, you are easily able to look over into my yard and see what sorts of fun activities are taking place. In this particular instance, one would be able to look over and see a certain individual plowing someone in the rear. Good thing my neighbor has one of those doggie doors, because who cares if the dog sees right?The next thing that happened quite literally felt like the longest minute of my life. My neighbor's dog started barking at the top of his lungs while watching me have sex with my ex. We didn't think this was a big deal because we could just easily sit down in the tub and pretend nothing was happening if the owner woke up to check on him. But of course, dogs barking near my parent's house meant dogs started to bark in my house, and that was bad news bears. You see, even though I am perfectly old enough to make my own sexual decisions, I do not supersede her house rules.When my dogs bark, it means they need to use the bathroom. It means that my mom needs to wake up and let them outside. It means they need to come near the hot tub. Danger Will Robinson, abandon ship! We end up jumping out of the tub naked and sprint into the house with our clothes. We rush into my basement and wait until things calm down. Luckily, my mom came downstairs and didn't bother me. She let the dogs outside and waited for them to finish their business. She didn't call to me in the basement or ask me to come and talk with her (keeping in mind we were both still naked). What a relief.So here we are laughing our asses off in the basement about what just happened. Even though we are practically dying, we both agreed that finishing up would be the best choice. I end up bringing her into my room downstairs filled with all of my weeb shit and we end up having more sex on my futon. Of course, she can't keep a straight face and is now laughing about how ironic it is that all of my 2D shit is surrounding us while we go at it. In the end, we don't finish - she's laughing too hard at this point. We got dressed, talked for another half hour, and then called it a morning.Now here I am typing this story that just happened. I have no closing words. My goodness. Yes yes, this will be great material for the Fuwanovel Cards Against Humanity deck. Quote
Valmore Posted November 3, 2015 Posted November 3, 2015 Confession: I always have a tendency of slapping a girl's ass whenever I went outings with them.That is either going to turn out very well or very, very bad.I'd place my money on very, very bad.Obviously I will choose the girl that wouldn't mind being slapped on the ass.Yes, however the odds of getting the crap smacked out of you by 99 girls who don't appreciate getting slapped on the ass is much, much greater. Quote
Valmore Posted November 3, 2015 Posted November 3, 2015 A confession? I watch Soaps (General Hospital & Falcon Crest) and I'm a 32 year old guy! lol.... xDYou're old I'm older. Call me sempai!Can I call you Oji-san?Just don't add the extra i, I'm not THAT old. Quote
Funyarinpa Posted November 3, 2015 Posted November 3, 2015 Confession: So I was watching a movie I'll be responsible for in tomorrow's history exam...Didn't expect that endingFUCK ;_; Zodai 1 Quote
AaronIsCrunchy Posted November 3, 2015 Posted November 3, 2015 Confession: So I was watching a movie I'll be responsible for in tomorrow's history exam...Didn't expect that endingFUCK ;_;Which film? Sounds... intense. Quote
Funyarinpa Posted November 3, 2015 Posted November 3, 2015 (edited) Confession: So I was watching a movie I'll be responsible for in tomorrow's history exam...Didn't expect that endingFUCK ;_;Which film? Sounds... intense.It's 90% lame comedy and it's probably not worth your time but https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xsDixvt3XfA (it SHOULD have English subs, check the menu)edit: If the delivery was better and if it wasn't Ottoman Empire oriented and pretty lame except the last 20% (probably a shitton of untranslatable jokes in there) this could be a globally famous/notorious ending Edited November 3, 2015 by Funyarinpa Quote
Tyrael Posted November 4, 2015 Posted November 4, 2015 Confession: the girl who has bar duty often at my local game store tood me she thought I was really funny todayI was flabbergasted Quote
Flutterz Posted November 4, 2015 Posted November 4, 2015 Confession: the girl who has bar duty often at my local game store tood me she thought I was really funny todayI was flabbergastedGet her number? :3 Quote
OriginalRen Posted November 4, 2015 Author Posted November 4, 2015 Confession: the girl who has bar duty often at my local game store tood me she thought I was really funny todayI was flabbergastedJust in case you didn't understand, this is a great opportunity to get to know her and try to make a new friend. Quote
Valmore Posted November 4, 2015 Posted November 4, 2015 Confession: the girl who has bar duty often at my local game store tood me she thought I was really funny todayI was flabbergastedJust in case you didn't understand, this is a great opportunity to get to know her and try to make a new friend.Friend? I was thinking it was the opportunity to get her number and score a date.Though I've never heard of a game store having a bar... Quote
Flutterz Posted November 4, 2015 Posted November 4, 2015 Friend? I was thinking it was the opportunity to get her number and score a date.Though I've never heard of a game store having a bar...I'm more surprised that game stores still exist considering you can just go on Steam Quote
Shikomizue Posted November 4, 2015 Posted November 4, 2015 I'm more surprised that game stores still exist considering you can just go on Steam Did I just see you type that? Quote
Flutterz Posted November 4, 2015 Posted November 4, 2015 Did I just see you type that?Unless you're standing right behind me you probably didn't see me type it Fred the Barber 1 Quote
Shikomizue Posted November 4, 2015 Posted November 4, 2015 Unless you're standing right behind me you probably didn't see me type itYou know what I mean. I'll fite you m8. Quote
Flutterz Posted November 4, 2015 Posted November 4, 2015 You know what I mean. I'll fite you m8.Instead of fighting me why not just use Steam? Quote
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