Fiddle

WARNING: This blog post contains weird Kiri level shit that causes brain damage so reading is not recommended
 
Well yaharro there.
This is no ordinary story. This is a story about love, despair, and how Kiri lost his mind.
But, in the end, this is all fiction. So do not worry. I will not appear behind your back and force you to burn burn your heart and soul like I did with [CENSORED]
JAPAN SALES ONLY
 
So here I am writing a review about Riddle Joker (NOT JOKERS) by everyone's favorite erogay producer Yuzusoft

 
This is a game featuring celebrities such as Bilbo Baggins (our protagonist), Aquaman, trap who is not a trap, and Kiri's waifu
Oh and let's not forget the smug loli...
 
Riddle Joker is a story set in the near future where chuunibyou middle schoolers (this game's playerbase) have taken over the Kyoto University Katsura Campus.
Our protagonist [CENSORED] and his little sister Nanami are also ordinary middle school chuunibyous attending the reformed Kyoto University Middle School while actually playing to be secret agents.
 
After sometime Kiri gets bored and takes control of [CENSORED]'s body and starts dating the school idol called Mitsukasa Ayase

 
Isn't she cute~~~
I love her just so much that my heart goes dokyuuuuuun every time I hear her talk
I accidentally saved over 500 of her voices
Oops~

 
 
Meanwhile when I was having sekkusu fun with my new wife our local Aquaman got dumber

 
 
To those of you who disagree with me here is proof that this is indeed the God's work that you can't even rate because what kind of believer gives god a score
Have a very nice naizuri scene. Her smile just heales me. NSFW
https://puu.sh/zWiOr.mp3
 
 
You thought I would share my wife's boobs with you all? Ha! You can all go die.
 
Why?

 
*No [CENSORED] were hurt during the making of this blog post
**I said during the making
***(`・ω・´)
****I was forced to do this

Chapter 3: Madness


 
The mastermind behind the Fuwanovel death game watched the two screens on the desk before him/her with a wicked smile.

"Seven dead already, heh. This is going well."

The video from the past two weeks of the battle royale had been playing on the screens in a loop for hours, with the faces of the four picked for the current week displayed on a different monitor above.

"Hehe. Now, let's see, what kind of arena should I put these four in?"

"Mind if I handle that?"

"Huh?!"

Taken completely aback by the presence of someone else in the control room, <??> nearly fell out of his/her chair.

"How the hell did you get in here?!"

"Hmph. You think your weak magic can control me? Please. I was bored, so I figured I'd join in on this weird game you have going on. So, with that said, I'll be taking over for a bit, heh."

With that, Clephas devoured <??>, trapping them in one of his stomachs.

"Now, let's have some fun. Hmm, these four, huh? Alright. Let's begin."

Using his powers to summon the four members from their cells, Clephas devoured them all in an instant.


 
The First Stomach - alden_0023 & Thatcomicguy


 
The first thing Thatcomicguy noticed was the smell of blood. Opening his eyes, he could tell that he was no longer in his cell.

"Come on... Was I picked again?"

Getting off the floor, he shook his head in frustration. He had fought for his life against another Fuwanovel user in the death game just two weeks before. He was hoping he would be able to avoid being picked again for at least a few more weeks. But, he had no such luck.

"Where the hell am I...?"

Looking around in confusion, he could tell he was in a classroom. The windows in the room were shattered, and the walls were riddled with holes and cracks. The floor was also badly damaged, covered in claw marks of all things.

What on earth had happened there before he woke up?

"Hnng..."

Noticing some rustling coming from the other side of the classroom, Thatcomicguy gripped his spear and got ready for a possible fight.

"Ugh, my head..."

Alden_0023 rubbed his forehead, slowly getting to his feet. The moment he spotted Thatcomicguy standing in the other side of the classroom, he closed his eyes and took a deep breath.

Then, in the next moment.

"Hah!"

Drawing his bow with incredible speed, he sent an arrow flying through the room. Barely managing to block the arrow with his shield, Thatcomicguy started running through the room towards the door, trying to escape.

Another arrow flew towards him, barely missing his neck before digging into a nearby desk. Having reached the door, Thatcomicguy kicked it as hard as he could, making the door fly open. His hands were full because of his weapon and shield, and he had no time to spare, as Alden prepared another arrow.

But, the moment the door flew open, both men suddenly froze in place. It was a natural reaction. Anyone would be shocked by the sight that waited on the other side of that door.

A group of six small figures sat hunched over a corpse, happily chewing at its flesh. They had already eaten a great deal of the corpse, and their small bodies were covered in fresh blood.

"Wh-What... the fuck?"

The group of small girls suddenly stopped eating, and turned towards the two men in the classroom. While they might have looked like normal young girls at first glance, they had two features that no human child had. First, their teeth. The mouths of the girls were covered in shark like teeth, each tooth about ten centimeter in length. As a result, it was impossible for the girls to even close their mouths. Their eyes were glowing in a bright red color, and their pupils were completely gone. The entire eye was simply covered entirely in the red light.

"Cannibal... lolis... Seriously?"

Thatcomicguy uttered in a voice dyed in confusion and dread.

"..."

Realizing the situation was quite dire, Alden lowered his bow, and ran towards one of the broken windows along the classroom wall, then leapt through it.

"HEY! ARE YOU LEAVING ME WITH THESE THINGS?!"

Ignoring Thatcomicguy, Alden performed a forward flip in the air, then prepared his body for the fall. It seemed like the school they had woken up in was quite big, and they were on the sixth floor. But, contrary to his expectations, Alden's body did not fall at all. Instead, he was pulled up, flying towards the roof of the school.

"What in the..."

Soaring up past classroom after classroom, Alden reached the roof of the building, but his body showed no signs of stopping. He was literally falling upwards.

"Tch."

Clicking his tongue, Alden grabbed a hold of the railing covering the school roof, managing to stop his "fall" in the last second. Pulling his body towards the roof, he gripped the railing as he slowly moved towards the fire escape leading back into the school. The moment his foot moved inside the school building, he force pulling him upwards let go.
It seemed like moving outside the school was out of the question. The bizarre arena was nothing like the arenas used the previous weeks.

"What on earth is going on..."

Meanwhile

"AHHH, get away, get away, get away, AHHH!"

Thatcomicguy screamed, as he ran as fast as he could through the dark hallways of the school. Just a few meters behind him were five of the six small girls, giggling as they chased him.

He had managed to kill one of them with his spear in his escape from the classroom. This did not seem to anger the rest at all, as they chased happily after Thatcomicguy. It seemed like the girls had the ability to retract their teeth, and were now humming and laughing. Still, their eyes glowed. It was clear that their eyes were filled with bloodlust. If he stopped for just a moment, they'd probably rip him to shreds.

"Tehehe, I love playing tag."

"We're gonna get you, we're gonna get you ~~"

"GO PLAY WITH SOMEONE ELSE, AHH!"

Still screaming, Thatcomicguy kept running at full speed down the hallway, until...

"Shit..."

He reached a dead end. The stairs leading down to the floor below were blocked by a massive pile of rubble. The roof above had collapsed, also covering the stairs going up in the process. In other words, he was trapped.

The small girls were now just half a meter away.

"Tag. You're it!"

The girls opened their mouths, and their fangs once again sprouted out.

Preparing for what would most likely be his final battle, Thatcomicguy took a deep breath.

"I'm naked in front of a group of lolis, pointing a spear at them. That's a headline for yah."

Crack.

A sound coming from above made Thatcomicguy look up towards the roof, and soon after, a big chunk of the ceiling came crashing down, landing on top of two of the girls, squishing them.

"WHOA!"

Sitting on top of the rubble was Alden, his body covered in small cuts. Or, were they bite marks?

"Ah..."

Realizing what that meant, Thatcomicguy looked towards the hole in the roof, and sure enough, peeking down from above were even more of the rabid lolis, looking at Alden like he was a delicious looking plate of food.

"... Sorry dude, looks like this isn't your day."

With that, Thatcomicguy stood completely still, as the hoard of cannibalistic lolis swarmed Alden, biting through his flesh and bones like it was nothing. The sight was horrifying, making Thatcomicguy look away in disgust.
Taking advantage of the situation, he quietly snuck past the hoard of killer lolis, covering his eyes the entire time. He then started making his way down the hallway, leaving the little monsters to their dinner.




 
The Second Stomach - xGreyHound & Jazid-Kun


 
A jungle of mysterious plants in all sorts of colors stretched as far as the eye could see. A nearby river was filled not with water, but lava, and the sky was dyed red, not blue.

In the middle of this impossible jungle stood Jazid-Kun, looking around him with a smile.

"What a fitting stage for bloodbath. Heh."

Striking a cool pose, Jazid spoke in a dramatic tone of voice. Wearing a black school uniform and with an eye patch covering his left eye, Jazid did not exactly look like he belonged in the strange jungle. If not for the two large swords in crossed sheathes on his back, he would have just looked like any other high-school student.

"Chaos shall rain! Today, we dine with death himself!"

"... The hell are you on kid?"

xGreyHound sent Jazid a confused look, gripping his AK-47 firmly. He was on guard, prepared for the worst. The arena he had been placed in seemed even crazier than any of the previous ones.

GreyHound did not have it in him to kill a kid like Jazid, so he had approached Jazid with the suggestion of an alliance. Jazid accepted, though now he was going on some kind of chuunibyou rant, which made GreyHound instantly regret his decision.

"Please kid, be quiet..."

"Let the curtain fall on this blood drenched play! Let the games begin!"

Jazid shouted, stretching his arms up towards the red sky.

"... I swear, I will smack you over the head if you don't quiet down."

"Hah! A mere mortal like yourself? You wouldn't be able to lay a finger on me."

Rustle.

"?!"

A nearby plant started stirring. GreyHound quickly pointed his gun in the direction of the sound. Another plant started to move, then another. Before long, every single plant in their vicinity had started to move. At first, GreyHound thought the movement was caused by something moving through the plants, but... that wasn't it. The plants themselves were moving.
Clearly a little weirded out by the moving plants, Jazid moved a few steps closer to GreyHound.

"I, uh... I shall protect you, mortal!"

"Yeah, whatever, just draw your weapons at least."

"Kukuku. You mean these?"

Jazid gestured towards his swords.

"I cannot simply draw them out of their sheathe without the proper chant. They are sealed by a powerful—"

"Get down!"

GreyHound pushed Jazid to the side, as a giant vine shot out from one of the strange flowers. The vine was covered in strange spikes, reminiscent of teeth. It slammed into the ground mercilessly, making its sharp spikes dig into the dirt.

"Y-You cannot scare me, for I am... I am..."

"Shut up and run!"

GreyHound turned around and darted into a clearing, as several more giant plant monsters approached the two.

"Y-Yes sir!"

Following suit, Jazid ran as fast as he could after his teammate. Just a second after, five more giant veins slammed into the place he had been standing.

"Wh-What are those thin—"

"Duck!"

Interrupting Jazid once again, GreyHound shouted a command and pointed his gun toward Jazid's face. Doing as he was told Jazid quickly ducked down, and the massive mouth of a bizarre plant closed right above him, catching some of his hair in its massive jaws.

"Dieee!"

GreyHound fired several rounds into the head of the strange plant, making green goo fly everywhere. The plant let out a deafening screech and backed up a few steps, hissing at the two. It's mouth was layered with more teeth than a shark, each one at least five centimeters long. In addition to its killer bite, it also had several long vines covered in spikes sprouting from its body. It was the height of a human man, and moved incredibly fast.

"Over there! Run to the lava!"

"L-Lava? Are you crazy? I-I mean, lava would have no power over my immortal body, of course, but you are just a normal human, so it would surely be in trouble."

"Just shut up and run."

Turning back towards the way they had come, the two started running towards the strange lava stream, about fifty meters away. The stream was no more than one meter in width, but if GreyHound's theory was right, it would do.

"We're jumping over that. Get ready."

Not waiting for his ally to reply, GreyHound leapt across the lava stream. The intense heat from just being in the vicinity of the lava made even just breathing hurt, but it was better than being devoured by flesh eating plants the size of humans.

Jazid made it across the lava soon after GreyHound.

"Kuku. Looks like our plant friends were not so smart after all."

At least twenty of the killer plants tried to follow them, but they all let out loud shrieks as they approached the lava, and took several swift steps back. They were clearly not fond of the heat.

"We have no time to waste here. There could be more. Come on."

"Look out!"

As GreyHound turned his back on the plants and started to walk in the other direction, several of the strange creatures sent their vines flying towards the two humans. It seemed like there was no real limit to how far the vines could stretch, and they approached GreyHound's back with great speed.

"Hah!"

But, just moments before they were about to tear GreyHound to shreds, the vines themselves got cut into tiny pieces.

"Hmph. To think you'd make me take off my eye patch. I'm surprised you'd push me this far."

GreyHound turned around to see what had happened. Sure enough, Jazid's eye patch was gone, revealing an eye with a different color from the other. He had also drawn his swords, which were covered in green goo from cutting apart the vines.
Jazid had somehow managed to remove his eye patch, draw his swords, then cut several vines within a matter of seconds. GreyHound could not help but be amazed at the spectacle, and thanked his teammate for saving his life.

Rustle. Rustle.

Something started moving in the leaves behind the killer plants, and Jazid stood rooted in place, watching whatever it was intently.

"Come on kid, more of those things are coming from the looks of things. We gotta go."

GreyHound did not wait for a reply, and started to walk away from the lava and the plants. But, Jazid did not move.

"Kid, I will leave you, I swear! What are you even... looking... at..."

GreyHound's voice began to falter, as he too laid eyes on the creature on the other side of the lava. It took the form of the most beautiful woman he had ever seen in his life. She wasn't wearing a thing, and on top of her head were two pretty cat ears. Wagging back and forth behind her legs was a fuzzy tail. It was, without a doubt, a catgirl. An incredibly beautiful one, too.
Being fans of visual novels and the likes, both men knew very well what she was. While she appeared harmless, the fact that the plants were not killing her was a clear warning sign in GreyHound's mind.

"We gotta get the hell out of here, now!"

Jazid did not respond, but instead started to move slowly towards the catgirl, dropping his swords on the ground.

"Wait, what the hell are you doing!"

Jazid showed no interest in GreyHound, and kept on slowly approaching the catgirl, who looked back at them with an enchanting smile.

"Dude, this is not the time for your weird ass fantasies! We have to get out of here. Guh?!"

GreyHound tried to reach out for Jazid's hand, but he had gotten so close to the lava, the heat made GreyHound jump back in reflex.

There was nothing GreyHound could do but watch, as Jazid slowly walked into the scorching heat of the lava, seemingly under some kind of spell cast by the mysterious catgirl. He did not even blink at the pain from having his foot melted by the incredible heat. All he did was watch the catgirl on the other side of the lava stream, with a smile on his face.

After a few seconds, Jazid's body had been completely consumed by the lava.

"Y-You bitch, what did you do to him?!"

Pointing his gun at the catgirl in anger, GreyHound's body shook in terror. The creature simply returned a brilliant smile, and started to walk back into the depths of the strange jungle. The flesh eating plants followed suit, leaving GreyHound alone with nothing but the smell of burning flesh, and a sense of dread.


 


Wildcards This Week?
No
 
Dead This Week:
 
 
Still Alive:
 

Fuwanovel Battle Royale - Volume 2 -
Chapter 1: The Beginning
 
<??> Watched the screen in front of <him/her?> intently. Everything was ready. The time had finally come. All that planning, all that preparation. It had all been for this moment.
“All the pieces are in place. Well then, let’s start the game, shall we?”
<??> Pressed the button before <him/her?> with a wicked smile.
“Hear me, members of Fuwanovel. You are here for a single purpose; to entertain me! Those who have their name announced over these broadcasts shall enter the arena, and fight to the death! Anyone and anything you see out in the arenas will be an enemy, so be careful… And ruthless. As far as the rules go… There are none, heh.
Good luck.”
 
Day 1:
Members in this chapter:

“The game has begun. Good luck.”
“‘Alright, time to hunt.” Ranzo jumped down from the platform he was standing on, numbered ‘11’. He had woken up inside an unfamiliar room just moments before, where he had found his suit and weapons. After a short, confusing briefing from the person in charge, Ranzo’s <cell?> had opened, and he could walk out. What greeted him was a massive forest, full of large trees towering high above him. The large trees blocked out almost all the sunlight, making it hard for Ranzo to see where he was going. But, it was either straight ahead, or back to the cell, so Ranzo chose to keep walking.
The “briefing” had been simple. “You are stuck here. You are to fight anything and anyone you come across. If you are the last alive after the game is over, you win. If you die, you lose.”
“Gee, really? If I die, I lose? That’s a shocker.” Ranzo spun his scythe around his body with precision while he walked, clearly used to handling the weapon. A sabre hung from his waist in a makeshift sheathe, crafted from his belt.
After having advanced through the forest for a good ten minutes, Ranzo reached a suspicious looking cave, marked with a number— “7”.
“Hm, another contender?” Ranzo whispered, and gripped the handle of his scythe firmly while he scanned his surroundings. If his hunch was right, the numbers represented contenders in the “game”. He was 11, and “7” was a different Fuwanovel user, also entered in the game.
Crack.
Ranzo spun around instinctively at the sound of a branch breaking behind him, and in the same motion, he threw his scythe forwards. The sound of metal colliding with metal made Ranzo flinch for a brief second, and he lost sight of the person who had knocked his scythe out of the air.
“Tch.” Ranzo gripped his sabre and chased the mystery person, like a wolf rushing towards a sheep. He had no plan. The only thing going through his head was: kill it. Whoever or whatever it was; kill it.
 
Meanwhile
SeniorBlitz ran as fast as he could through the forest, like he had the grim reaper himself on his heels. That was in fact what Senior had thought for a second when he saw the scythe fly towards him just moments before. Senior was not well versed in any kind of combat. He had, in fact, never been in a fight in his entire life. What he did have, however, was a special ability. The ability to know what to do, where to go. He couldn’t explain it well, but there was something guiding him at all times. If he was about to trip and fall, something in his mind would tell him to stop. If he ever got lost, something would guide him back home, even if he had no idea where he was. It was thanks to that power, that guide, that Senior was still alive. He had seen the scythe coming seconds before it was thrown, and had used the sword that was given to him at the start of the game to block its path. He had sadly dropped the sword in his escape, and was therefore now unarmed.
“Stop running my friend, I wish you no harm!”
His attacker was shouting at Senior from behind. Thanks to his ability, Senior knew that he would be able to shake off his tail if he just kept following the path laid out in his mind. He did not look back, he did not falter.
“Tch, you little… How long do you plan on running for?”
“I’ll catch you eventually you little slime! Just you wait, I’m coming for you!”
The voice of his attacker grew distant, as Senior just kept on running through the forest. Before long, he had completely shaken off the madman running after him.
“Haah, haah, haah…” Senior finally had the opportunity to stop for a breath. With his hands on his knees, he spent a few minutes calming down. He knew that the man behind him would not be able to find him for at least another ten minutes, thanks to his ability.
“Alright, time to find a better place to hide.”
Senior got back up, and started walking through the dense forest, looking for shelter. He figured it would be smart to find someplace safe to gather his thoughts. It would be best to do so before nightfall, so he started walking faster, following the path lit up in his mind.
“Just about another hundred meters this way, and— Huh?!”
“GRAARGH!”
Senior was so focused on following the path to “safety”, he paid no mind to his surroundings, and did not notice the strange creature approaching from his left. Whatever it was, its massive jaw closed around Senior’s chest, and he was lifted up into the air and shook brutally back and forth, the sharp teeth of the beast ripping his flesh apart with each movement.
“GYAAAAH!”
Senior let out a primal scream, and tried to punch the creature with his free arm, but it was no use.
The beast’s iron jaw remained closed, and the life soon drained from Senior’s body, as most of his organs and blood poured down onto the grass below him. His entire torso had been ripped to bits, and what was left of him was soon devoured by the beast, leaving only pools of blood and a few chunks of flesh behind.
 
 
About an hour later, Ranzo arrived at the scene of Senior’s death. Taking one look at the pool of blood and gore, Ranzo clicked his tongue, and turned back.
“Guess someone got to him before me. Oh well, time to look for the next guy, I guess.”
Whistling a song to himself, Ranzo spun his scythe around, matching the song’s rhythm as he walked back into the depths of the forest, looking for new prey to hunt.
 

Elsewhere:
Arcadeotic sat at the end of a cliff, looking at the waterfall below him with a emotionless expression, balancing a katana on his feet. A single sudden motion would surely send the sword tumbling down the fifty meter long drop.
Arcadeotic was wearing a blue yukata, stained red with the blood of a pack of wild boars he had killed an hour ago. After cooking some of their meat on a fire, he had eaten some for himself, then tossed the rest down into the abyss. He had no intentions of sharing the meat with anyone else, nor did he want the smell of the meat to attract possible predators. He had extinguished the fire as soon as he was done cooking the meat, but it might still have notified someone of his location. Nevertheless, Arcadeotic sat completely still on the cliff, staring out into nothingness.
Sure enough, after another few minutes, the sound of footsteps could be heard behind him.
Still, Arcadeotic remaind motionless, not facing his attacker.
 
Sneaking up behind him was Thatcomicguy, clutching his spear with his right hand. In his free arm was a wooden shield, covered in thick leather. Other than his weapons, Thatcomicguy was completely naked, though his body was covered in blue war paint.
Thatcomicguy snuck up to Arcadeotic until he was a mere two meters away, then stabbed at Arcadeotic’s back with his spear. Right before the spear hit Arcadeotic’s back, he jumped straight up into the air, grabbed his katana, and in the same motion as he drew it from its sheath, he cut at Thatcomicguy’s chest.
Thatcomicguy barely had time to block the slice with his shield, and was forced back a few steps from the impact.
Meanwhile, Arcadeotic landed gracefully on the edge of the cliff, and quickly moved in for another attack, cutting at Thatcomicguy’s left foot.
Arcadeotic closed the distance between them in a second, and mercilessly sliced a deep cut in Thatcomicguy’s calf.
“Ugh…”
Thatcomicguy groaned in pain, and pushed his shield forward defensively, hitting Arcadeotic in the chest.
Arcadeotic fell backwards, but quickly regained his balance.
For the first time in the fight, Arcadeotic glanced at his opponent, and chuckled.
“You look ridiculous.”
Thatcomicguy paid him no mind, and tried to focus on his plan of attack. He should have the upper hand, even with the cut on his leg, as he had the longest reach thanks to his spear, and a shield to block the katana’s slashes. The leather on his shield had taken a hit already, and was already starting to come apart. It probably wouldn’t last too long.
Seemingly having come up with a plan, Thatcomicguy stepped forward. Although the pain in his leg was nothing to joke about, he did not let it stop him.
“Yeah, well, we’ll see who gets the last laugh.”
Keeping just enough distance between himself and his opponent, so that the katana would not be able to reach him, Thatcomicguy thrust his spear towards Arcadeotic. Arcadeotic easily deflected the thrust, but as he was about to counterattack, Thatcomicguy swiftly changed his grip, turning his spear downwards towards Arcadeotic leg, and dug the tip of his spear into Arcadeotic’s knee. Arcadeotic winced in response, but didn’t let the pain stop him from fighting. Not wasting any time, Arcadeotic slashed two times, but both attacks were blocked by Thatcomicguy’s pesky shield.
“Tch.”
It became impossible for Arcadeotic to stand on his wounded leg, which meant he would be at an even bigger disadvantage than before. His strongest point was his speed, but without his full mobility, he would be unable to close the distance between himself and his opponent fast enough to stop the spear from keeping him at bay.
“... An eye for an eye, huh?”
Arcadeotic said to himself, as he tried to come up with a way out of the dire situation. He had cut his opponent’s leg, but in return, his own knee had been damaged. Both of them were less mobile, but it seemed like his own injury was a bit more serious.
“Well, what can you do.”
Arcadeotic walked forward with awkward steps, his wounded leg mostly just being dragged along the ground.
“I’ll end this with one strike.”
The bold statement from Arcadeotic made Thatcomicguy snicker.
“Oh, is that so? Well by all means, come at me.”
Thatcomicguy spat back, readied his spear, and covered his chest with his shield. There was no way Arcadeotic would be able to attack his opponent’s torso. And yet…
“Hmph!”
With a grunt, Arcadeotic jumped forward, and with all his might, he slammed the flat side of his sword into the wooden shield. The impact made Thatcomicguy stagger, and he let out a painful groan as he put all his weight on his wounded leg.
Still in the air, Arcadeotic slashed downwards. His sword moved along the rough leather covering the wooden shield, until it reached Thatcomicguy’s exposed shoulder. The sharp blade slashed open the naked shoulder, making Thatcomicguy drop his shield. Unfortunately for Arcadeotic, he was unable to brace himself properly after the attack, and he crashed into the ground, dropping his katana. The air was knocked out of him as his chest collided with the rough ground. But, he wasn’t done there. Although the world around him was spinning, he used his healthy leg to kick violently at Thatcomicguy’s wounded foot.
“Guaaah!”
Thatcomicguy screamed, as he too fell to the ground, paralyzed by pain.
Crawling towards his katana, Arcadeotic was ready to deliver the finishing blow. He gripped the hilt of his weapon, and turned towards his fallen enemy. Although every part of his body hurt, Arcadeotic somehow managed to stand, and moved towards his prey with clumsy movements.
“Hya!”
As he reached his target, he brought his katana above his shoulder, and slashed mercilessly at Thatcomicguy's neck.
Clink.
The sound of something breaking made Arcadeotic look at his sword in confusion. The katana’s blade had snapped in half, most likely a result from his fall. And since the blade had broken mid swing, he had not actually hit his opponent.
“Well, shi—”
Before Arcadeotic could finish his sentence, the tip of a spear dug into his throat, making a spray of fresh blood shoot out from the wound, dying Thatcomicguy’s skin in red.
As Arcadeotic’s dead body hit the floor, Thatcomicguy dropped his spear, as the strength began to leave his body.
“You… Tough bastard…”
With those words, he passed out.
 

 
Meanwhile, at the outskirts of the forest:

 
“How’s this place?”
“Hmm, looks good. We’ll camp here for now. Someone start a fire.”
“Ugh, do you think there are any more of those things out there? I’m not sure I’m comfortable sleeping here, out in the open…”
“Don’t worry, we’ll take shifts keeping guard. #28, #6, you two take the first shift.”
“Huh? Who died and made you the boss?”
Four figures, covered in mud and blood, were talking under the cover of a giant tree, just half a kilometer from the edge of the forest. The four of them were members of Fuwanovel, and contenders in the death game that had started previously that day. But, neither of them wanted to kill their fellow members, and as a result, they had formed a team.
Shortly after they teamed up, however, they were attacked by giant monsters that seemed to live in the depths of the forest. Hungry and tired, the four of them had finally reached a seemingly peaceful area, and were setting up camp with what little resources they had.
The four members were Sayaka (#28), Norleas (#9), Shikomizue (#13) and Kiriririri (#6).
Shikomizue was the natural leader type, and had taken the lead of the group as a result, something that did not sit well with Sayaka.
“Why do I have to listen to your orders, huh? I’m tired too! I want to sleep just as much as the next guy!”
“Look, I don’t mean to be rude here, but in terms of actual combat abilities, me and #9 are the strongest. We need our rest, so that we can protect this group when the time comes. You and #6 are… Well you know.”
Shikomizue gestured towards Kiriririri, a small girl with silver hair, who was poking the ground with a wooden stick, paying no mind to the conversation that was happening around her. So far, she had not participated in the fighting at all.
“Okay, I’ll give you her, but we’re not that crazy! Master and I helped you in the fight against those… Those things, didn’t we?!”
Sayaka pointed in the direction they had come from, where the group had fought against numerous strange beasts.
Shikomizue scratched his head awkwardly in response. He did not want the group to start fighting among each other, as that would just make things worse. He wanted to figure out what was going on, and how to get out of it. In order to do that, he needed to get as many people as possible to form a team. If no one killed each other, the “game” or whatever it was, had to come to a stop. That was the conclusion he had reached.
“Fine, I’ll take the first shift, along with… Her.”
Shikomizue looked towards Kiriririri, who had just finished drawing a strange symbol in the grass.
“Alright then, let’s get that fire going and—”
“Get down, something is coming.”
Norleas reached behind his back and fished out the two daggers he was storing in his jacket, then crouched down, signaling for the others to do the same.
The group gathered together, and those who had them drew their weapons.
“What did you see?”
Shikomizue did not have to wait for a response, as a large bear, covered in metal plating, walked past them. It was looking around, like it was searching for the group. It looked… Off. It looked intelligent, just like the other beasts they had fought that day.
“Something is definitely not right with these things. They started attacking us right after we formed a team. Almost like… Someone doesn’t want us to team up.”
Shikomizue thought to himself, as he recalled the days events. Actually, every time they had been away for combat for a certain period of time, something would come and attack them.
Almost like something, or someone, were controlling them. If that was the case, then...
“Master, behind you!”
Sayaka shouted to himself, and jumped forward. In the next second, a large paw covered in metal slammed down on the very spot Sayaka had been standing.
Reaching into his maid uniform, Sayaka fished out a strange statue, in the shape of an anime figure.
“They know we’re here master, so we might as well make some noise.”
Turning the head of the statue around 180 degrees, Sayaka threw it behind the tree, where the second bear had attacked from.
“Everyone, if you don’t want to go boom, I suggest you run!”
Moments later, the figure exploded, turning the ground beneath it to ash, blowing the bear to bits in the process.
The other bear was alerted to their presence, and jumped at Norleas, who slashed at its snout with his daggers before it had time to react. The beast roared in pain, and slammed its massive paw towards Norleas, who elegantly jumped out of the paws path, and went in for another attack.
While the plate armor proved to be an obstacle, Norleas still managed to bring the massive beast down in a matter of seconds, as a flurry of dagger cuts tore into its hide like it was butter, always finding the unprotected parts of the bears body.

Meanwhile, Shikomizue was fending of two wolves with his wakizashi katanas, holding back one wolf with each blade, as he pressed them against the wolves sharp fangs.
“Where is #6? Someone cover her.”
“Yes, yes, Master and I got her, don’t worry.”
Throwing explosive statues at everything that moved inside the forest, Sayaka jumped around Kiriririri, who was sitting on the ground, watching the fighting happen around her with an indifferent expression.
“Ohh, we’re gonna make master so proud, yes we are, tralala.”
Sayaka sang as he looked up at the sky, throwing statues now seemingly at random. A few landed close to Norleas, but he simply moved out of their path with incredible speed each time, still slashing and stabbing any beast that came in his way with his daggers.
 
The group fended off countless beasts, until finally, only one remained. It was a massive tiger, also covered in metal plating like the bears from before. The beast’s eyes were glowing in a strange blue light, and it moved faster than any other creature they had fought so far.
Sayaka had tried throwing several statues at it, but it always got out of the blast zone before it was damaged.
Norleas was unable to get close to the beast as well, as it was simply too fast.
Shikomizue knew they were out of options.
“Tch… Is this really how it ends?”
He clicked his tongue, and started to walk towards the beast while he shook his head.
“Am I really doing this?”
After glancing over his shoulder, taking another look at his three teammates, Shikomizue nodded, and closed his eyes.
“Listen up. I know what’s going on. These things are being controlled by someone. As long as we’re in a group, we’ll be sitting ducks. They are either being controlled by whoever started this fucked up game... Someone who wants us to keep fighting, or it’s another contender, in which case we should split up to try and find the bastard.
So...  Guys, split up. Run. For now, just get as far away from each other as possible.”
“GRAAWRH!”
Like it understood what Shikomizue was saying, the tiger roared, and charged at the group. It was not happy.
“Yes come on, you stupid cat.”
Shikomizue charged as well, running straight ahead, towards the beast’s fangs.
Then…
“GUAAH!”
Shikomizue screamed in pain, as the tiger bit him, its large fangs digging into his left side.
“I’ll keep this thing at bay… You guys… Run away… Now!”
Lifting up his free arm, Shikomizue gripped his katana firmly, and slashed at the tiger’s front legs, which were not covered by armor. That should slow it down. The thing was, it would have been impossible to target its legs without making it stop first. And, the only way to do that was to make it stop moving, for instance, by letting it bite one of them. Shikomizue had realized this a while ago, as he watched his comrades fail to hit the beast, and he had given his own life so that the other three could live.
“You guys better figure out what the fuck is going on here, and stop this ‘game’, alright?”
Shikomizue looked over his shoulder, watching as his allies ran into different directions. No beasts chased them.
Pleased that he his plan had worked, Shikomizue fished out a cigarette from pocket, and moved it to his mouth, his hand shaking. He didn’t have anything to light it with, but he still put it in his mouth, and took a deep breath, closing his eyes.
That was his last breath.
     
 
Norleas walked through the forest in silence. His daggers were still dripping with blood from the countless monsters he had killed. Still, he had not even broken a sweat. Killing was his job, after all. It was a breath of fresh air for him to kill beasts instead of people.
It was strange. The person whose job was to take people’s lives had chosen to join an alliance to avoid killing others.
It was different this time, after all. The people in question were his friends. His fellow Fuwanovel users. There was no way he could kill them.
Sensing something moving behind him, Norleas gripped his dagger, and prepared for battle. But…
“Oh, it’s just you.”
He lowered his weapons. Behind him stood the strange girl from before, Kiriririri.
“What, didn’t you hear what the boss said? We’re supposed to split up. What, are you scared in the dark by yourself?”
Kiriririri didn't’ say anything. She simply lifted her arm, pointing into the darkness behind Norleas.
“What? What is… It…”
Norleas turned around to look at what she was pointing at, and suddenly felt a sharp pain in his abdomen. Looking down at his own stomach, he saw a silvery blade sticking out from his chest, covered in fresh blood.
“Wh-What…”
“Hehe.”
The laughter of a little girl was the last thing he heard, as his lifeless body fell to the floor.
Kiriririri pulled the sword out of Norleas’ corpse, and it soon turned into light particles, vanishing into thin air.
Kiriririri then simply kept walking through the forest with an emotionless expression.

 
 
 
Kiriririri: Status = Alive
Sayaka: Status = Alive



 
Wildcards This Week?
None
 
Dead This Week:
Still Alive:
 

Well, as of thirty-nine minutes ago, it is officially my birthday (as of the time I checked at the beginning of making this post).  I have a lot of things to reflect on this year. 
I am now thirty-six, settling into the beginnings of middle-age, knowing my lifestyle will probably kill me before I hit fifty. 
I'm a sugar addict, I love fatty foods, I make my own alcoholic drinks (this year, a mixed fruit wine that actually turned out well and was much easier than the rum and hard root beer I did last year). 
I sit on my ass eighty percent of the time, I am hugely fat...
... and I'm surprisingly happy.  I won't say I don't have my down moments.  Looking back, I regret not going for more athletic pursuits while my knees and back could still stand them.  I regret not trying for a more regular and less... frustrating line of work.  However, I can honestly say that, for all its frustrations, I actually seem to like being a fat, balding otaku who has pretensions at being  some kind of VN guru (lol).
I do wish that I could fit into a plane seat, lol.  If I ever go to Japan, it is going to have to be a sea trip, since buying two plane tickets for one person is both embarrassing and more than a little expensive.
I hate my work, but I'm good at it and, in good times, it pays well, so I keep doing it.
So what would I change? 
Honestly, it is hard to say.  I won't pretend I'm all love and joy when it comes to life.  I have too much toxic waste going through my brain for that (I just happened to have gained just enough maturity not to feed the trolls constantly *smiles dryly*).  I'm fundamentally a passive person once I set foot outside my hobbies, preferring not to do anything I don't absolutely have to do.  I'm also negative and misanthropic... but is that stuff I actually want to change?
*shrugs*
I've never been any other way, so it is impossible to say.  However, every year I hit this day and wonder what could have been, which probably says everything that needs to be said about my experiences with life, for all my proclamations of relative happiness.
 

Punching Doctors to Reduce Healthcare Spending in the United States
Abstract
Healthcare costs in the United States are the highest of any country in the world, even when adjusting for relative wealth1 (Figure 1). In spite of this, life expectancy in the United States falls behind that of other OECD countries2, as demonstrated in Figure 2. Considering the disparity in life expectancy by income quintile3―a disparity that is not nearly as pronounced in other countries4―it is presumable that the overall life expectancy in the United States would increase significantly if universal coverage were achieved5, thereby granting the poor, who are disproportionately represented by uninsurance and underinsurance6, access to basic preventative services.

Figure 1: Healthcare spending (public + private) per capita in several OECD countries.
Source: The Kaiser Family Foundation

Figure 2: Life Expectancy at Birth of OECD Countries, 2011.
Opinions regarding the manner in which universal coverage can be achieved, or should be achieved, vary widely by partisan affiliation7. However, in consideration of the fact that Medicaid, the United States federal program that seeks to alleviate uninsurance among the poor, yields high returns on investment8, bipartisan support should exist for a proposal in which funds accrued from an agreeable health-related policy change were earmarked to expand coverage under Medicaid.
In particular, Republican politicians widely favor tort reform9, whereby legislation is enacted to minimize malpractice lawsuits against doctors. These costly lawsuits, it is reasoned, not only waste time and money where the cause for litigation is often trivial, but also incentivize medical practitioners to order unnecessary and expensive testing.
This investigation proposes an alternative to tort reform: Violence against doctors.
Theory
The phenomenon of violence against doctors and other medical practitioners exists primarily in China, where, accordingly, malpractice lawsuits are less common than in other countries10. As patients find it difficult to successfully sue practitioners who provide inadequate care or order unnecessary tests (often at the expense of the patient in the form of co-pays and deductibles), they instead retaliate by violence against those practitioners. While the patient may make this decision out of personal emotions, this phenomenon theoretically works to the benefit of the healthcare system at large, because this incentivization against malpractice is much less expensive than lawsuits.
The conservative think tank American Action Forum estimates that tort reform enacted nation-wide could save $15 billion11. This figure will serve as the minimum amount of savings required for this "Violence Against Doctors" system to be considered successful. (In fact, this system will likely have additional benefits not shared with tort reform; for example, tort reform enacted in Texas simply capped the plaintiff's allowed expenditure of medical malpractice lawsuits12, which does not necessarily disincentivize the doctor from committing malpractice or ordering excessive testing.)
In 2008, there were 63,370 medical malpractice lawsuits costing a total $55.6 billion across the system, meaning that the mean lawsuit costs approximately $877,387. In order to save $15 billion, therefore, 17,096 lawsuits (or roughly 27% of all medical malpractice lawsuits) would have to be avoided by violence-induced disincentivization.
In order to standardize the amount of violence against doctors, we will use "punches" by the patient against the practitioner as the unit of measurement. Figure 3 demonstrates the theoretical relationship between each punch and the amount of averted medical malpractice lawsuits.

Figure 3: Relationship between punches and resultant averted lawsuits.
Because 0 punches should result in 0 averted lawsuits, the regression does not have a y-intercept. Therefore, the relationship between the two variables is y = mx, where "m" represents the amount of lawsuits averted per punch. For example, if a patient punching a practitioner results in two fewer lawsuits, then m = (1 punch)/(2 averted lawsuits) = 0.5 punches per averted lawsuit.
However, intuitively, it is much more probable that the value of m exceeds 1, meaning that multiple punches are required to avoid a lawsuit. Therefore, to achieve the desired number of averted lawsuits (17,096), it is necessary to estimate the required number of overall punches, p, multiplied by the inverse of the coefficient m.

Figure 4: Number of punches required to avert desired number of lawsuits.
In the above relationship, the quantity p (punches) × m-1 (averted lawsuits/punch) = averted lawsuits. Randomized control trial(s) will be necessary to yield the values of m and p.
Analysis
The following factors may contribute to uncertainty:
Other units, such as "kicks" and "karate chops" can be utilized in lieu of or in coordination with punches, and separate experiments may need to be conducted in order to measure the coefficient m of these alternative methods. Less discrete methods, such as "rear naked chokes, "kimuras," and "Batista Bombs," may be utilized by the patient in practice but would be difficult to quantify as a function of m. The value of m is subject to variation depending on the medical practitioner's income: An identical number of punches administered to two separate practitioners should result in more averted lawsuits from the better-paid practitioner. This effectively makes the legislation progressive in terms of revenue, which should please Democrats. In many cases, the medical practitioner may retaliate by engaging in combat with the patient; this would result in an increase in the value of m and thus a decrease in the value of p, indicating that more punches will be required to achieve 17,096 averted lawsuits. The above factor is exacerbated by the fact that the constitution of patients, by definition, is usually inferior to that of the medical practitioner. Care centers may enact measures to retaliate against potential violence by patients. In China, for example, hospital staff have been taught kung fu13 and security personnel recruited to minimize violence. This problem could be alleviated by outlawing such defensive measures. Practitioners who receive an excessive amount of punches may end up as patients themselves; subsequently, they may be the victim of malpractice by another practitioner, prompting further violence and possibly resulting in a death spiral. Conclusions
Depending on the findings of potential experimentation, public healthcare spending may be significantly decreased by implementing at the federal level laws with the following effects:
Patients who perceive malpractice on the part of their medical practitioners may punch those practitioners without personal repercussion. As the effectiveness of alternative methods of violence are revealed by reliable experimentation, those methods will be permitted (and encouraged) alongside punches. Immediate family members of the patients who perceive malpractice on the part of their medical practitioners may punch those practitioners without personal repercussion. Medical practitioners are not allowed to carry weapons within a 2-mile radius of any care center in which they work. Medical practitioners are not allowed to practice martial arts within a 2-mile radius of any care center in which they work. Add an exception to this rule when the medical practitioner is administering outpatient care and a robber invades the patient's home. Improve price transparency. Yearly analyses by the Congressional Budget Office will be performed in order to determine the increased revenue resulting from these provisions, and this revenue will be earmarked to expand Medicaid.
References
http://kff.org/health-costs/issue-brief/snapshots-health-care-spending-in-the-united-states-selected-oecd-countries/ https://aneconomicsense.org/2013/11/22/us-health-care-high-cost-and-mediocre-results/ https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/wonk/wp/2015/09/18/the-government-is-spending-more-to-help-rich-seniors-than-poor-ones/?utm_term=.b78a869d9c01 https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK62373/ http://keepthemiddleclassalive.com/inequality-and-health/ http://kff.org/uninsured/fact-sheet/key-facts-about-the-uninsured-population/ http://www.pewresearch.org/fact-tank/2017/01/13/more-americans-say-government-should-ensure-health-care-coverage/ http://ccf.georgetown.edu/2015/07/28/medicaid-provides-excellent-long-term-return-investment/ https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/to-your-health/wp/2016/12/30/top-republicans-say-theres-a-medical-malpractice-crisis-experts-say-there-isnt/?utm_term=.7046065be43e https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4261607/#CR3 https://www.americanactionforum.org/research/tort-reforms-impact-health-care-costs/ http://www.legalmatch.com/law-library/article/texass-cap-for-medical-malpractice-damages.html http://world.time.com/2013/11/06/kung-fu-doctors-shanghai-hospitals-train-medical-staff-for-attacks/

LET THE PEOPLE WRITE SHORTER REVIEWS, YOU TYRANTS.

Wooooooo, first blog entry! Welcome to the otomege and BL paradise on Fuwa! Let's discuss new games and old games, and maybe bring new people to enjoy our little (in Fuwa at least we are the minority...) world!
I planned to starting writing next week, but you know what? I found out that some BL developers are actually releasing games this year! (The majority of them loves to make teasers with no release date whatsoever, you know who I'm talking about...), so the hype made me change my plans. Note that those some of those are japanese releases, but I guess it'll not be a problem for some and the rest of you need to know some new names to beg MG to localize right? Or just look at the CGs, no japanese required for that. (Warning: if you click around too much in the companies' website link I provided below you'll probably find something NSFW, like the CGs from the game, so be careful!)
So. We have Fukushuu Teikoku, from newcomers Fetish. It tells the story of Wilfried Helmut, a guy that makes a deal to seduce some key players in the enemy's army to clean his name. Contains sexual slavery (MC doing it), hypnotism and lots of army uniforms, if anyone is interest in a more dark feel. It's at least interesting that's possible to coerce some guys that are more "manly" than the MC. No big names in the team, but the seiyuu of the bara guy also voiced Mink from DMMD, in case anyone liked his voice.
Another title is Paradise, from Pil/Slash of Pigeon Blood (in)fame, coming tomorrow, yay! Guys win some dreamy trip to a tropical island, but then something happens... If you played danganronpa 2, you know that you CAN'T trust that people will be friends forever while trapped on a island. And, knowing Pil/Slash, expect something really really weird to happen! But they usually do a good job handling horror themes, and this project is a collaboration with LOVE&DESTROY, the dj circle that made Cage Open, so they have experience with trapped scenarios. Unlike Fukushuu above, this MC is always bottom. A shame, considering that in Shingakkou the pairings were reversible. This is the one I'm hyped the most!
If you want something in english, I hope you like entering some weird mansions. MG released the english version of Hadaka Shitsuji back in October, so you can already read this insane black comedy with no mosaics at all. This game is pretty infamous, and full of sadism, but it does have some merits. One guy made pretty much everything here, and he made sure that every little weird fetish he have is there. There's big and small guys, short and long haired, bright and gloomy, just pick you favorite and prepare to be on top! Noteworth: male ahegao is da best.
But if you want to be sadistic with the master of the mansion too, and not just the poor butlers, you can try Beyond Eden, also available on Steam! And you can also practice your korean, since it have korean voice acting. This MC here is the only reversible of the bunch I said.
The year didn't ended yet, so there's still time for Full Service full version and Luckydog1 sequel to come out! When? We'll see (or not).
And wait. All of these games are a bit... weird? What other people will think of us???? Maybe I should have look to some fluffy stuff too...
Anyway, what about you guys? Know a title I overlooked? Share with me! ^.^
 
Next week, otomege's hype for 2018. See you there!

This is a tale of chips, bugs and DEATH.
Enjoy:
Last week I had the joy of seeing a cockroach in my bathroom. My reaction was obviously to scream, shut the bathroom door and flee into my bedroom, where I remained for 30 minutes, stunned by fear. After playing with the idea of never ever setting foot in my bathroom again, I thought to myself: "No! I have to man up and fight this thing!" Grabbing a plastic bag, I rushed into the bathroom, ready to trap the fucker and throw him in the garbage. But... he was gone. Now, there is absolutely nowhere he could have gone. My bathtub is stuck to the floor, so there is no crack to hide under, and I looked all over the tiny, tiny bathroom and he wasn't hiding on the ceiling, or in some corner. He was legit gone. This of course made chills run through my body, as I thought I had found a cockroach with superpowers. Scared to death, I went back to cowering in fear for another good 10 minutes, before I decided to just stop thinking about the fucker. I started brushing my teeth, getting ready for bed.
Then, as I spat into the sink, and the toothpaste ran down into the drain, I saw something rush past me. Turns out, the cockroach had fled into the pipes, then hooked onto the pipes and sat in there. (They can do this with their hind legs, apparently.)
The fucker was back, and he was almost touching me. Screaming, I ran out of the bathroom and grabbed whatever I could find that could be used to trap the fucker with. And there was... an empty pringles tube.
I ripped the lid of the thing and slammed it onto the cockroach, trapping him inside the tube. Luckily, the roach was just perfectly sized to fit within the dimensions of a pringles tube, so no part of him was sticking out. I had him completely trapped. Rushing back into the bedroom, I grabbed another plastic bag and some duct tape. I then tried to push the roach into the plastic bag, but he almost escaped as I tilted the tube, so I had to improvise. Pushing the plastic bag against the tube, I stopped the roachs' escape, and shoved him further into the pitch black abyss. Once the whole bag was inside the tube, I taped it shut with duct tape, and threw that into another plastic bag.
After a short victory dance, I brought the bag containing the defeated roach outside, and threw it into the garbage.
Derg 1 Roach 0
- Fin -

Today I'll be going through this new visual novel "Noble Works." Some call it a moege, some call it a charage, and people who aren't pretentious call it an eroge.
The story begins from the perspective of our male protagonist, Noble Works. Noble Works is in a real pickle.

You see, Noble Works works a lot of part-time jobs in order to pull himself through high school. He lives alone because he doesn't want his parents around when he inevitably does the sexorz with cute girls. Unfortunately, various circumstances have left him unemployed, and he now wonders how he'll pay the month's rent.
Suddenly, Noble Works is approached by his cute kouhai.

She and Noble Works attend Hatsushiba Academy together. But apparently you don't have to remember that, because the name of the school appears only twice in the damn game.

After she contributes jack shizzle to our protagonist's plight, we move on and meet a guy who looks suspiciously similar.

This guy looks exactly like the protagonist! Having determined that there's been some sort of glitch in the matrix, they decide to battle in order to decide who's the true Noble Works. However, this battle goes a step too far.

Our protagonist has killed the imposter Noble Works. In a panic, he rushes the body to his apartment.
Soon thereafter, a group of suspicious people and a cute Chinese girl break in. Despite Noble Works's best attempts, he cannot explain away the corpse at his side.

The situation gets complex at this point, but it all comes down to this: In order to atone for his sins, Noble Works must attend a prestigious high school academy in the dead guy's place. It's kind of like The Prince and the Pauper, or Princess Evangelion.
Anyway, we soon meet Bigtittymaid-san.

I know what you're thinking: That's an awfully short tie she's wearing. In actuality, that's a perfectly normal tie. It's just that her knockers project so greatly that it looks short from this perspective.

While at school, Noble Works meets the next heroin. Well, first we meet her grampa, this guy:

Then we see the confused, alien-looking chick.

Later on, Zoltron Glocknork approaches Noble Works to ask for help.

Basically, she doesn't know how to play shogi, so she asks our protagonist for help. You can think of shogi as the Japanese version of 52 Pickup.
The common route gets complicated around this time, so without spoiling too much, I'll skip ahead to alien girl's route. I soon found that this route was a whole lot of plot, a whole of lot shogi, and then a whole lot of "plot." The thing I liked most was how much pee there was.
The following images aren't NSFW, but they're as close as one can get to NSFW without being NSFW.


Indeed, by my count, they didn't technically have the sexorz until the fourth H-scene. But urine for a treat, because there's plenty of pee to sustain you until then.


And when it's finally time for them to do the sexorz, they get into this super-advanced position. Noble Works knows what his girl wants.


Oh, and then there's pee.


I'll stop here, where the plot gets pretty intense. The "plot" also gets pretty intense.
 
I'd like to finish the whole game before giving it a proper score. I wonder how long it is? Let's see, it's got 57,690 lines, and at >10 words per line, that adds up to at least 576,900 words.

Gee, that's longer than Infinite Jest, one of the longest novels ever written. I wonder what it says about our society when some degenerates will dedicate more time to a game about pee fetishes than David Foster Wallace's classics.

Today I'll be going through this new visual novel "Noble Works." Some call it a moege, some call it a charage, and people who aren't pretentious call it an eroge.
The story begins from the perspective of our male protagonist, Noble Works. Noble Works is in a real pickle.

You see, Noble Works works a lot of part-time jobs in order to pull himself through high school. He lives alone because he doesn't want his parents around when he inevitably does the sexorz with cute girls. Unfortunately, various circumstances have left him unemployed, and he now wonders how he'll pay the month's rent.
Suddenly, Noble Works is approached by his cute kouhai.

She and Noble Works attend Hatsushiba Academy together. But apparently you don't have to remember that, because the name of the school appears only twice in the damn game.

After she contributes jack shizzle to our protagonist's plight, we move on and meet a guy who looks suspiciously similar.

This guy looks exactly like the protagonist! Having determined that there's been some sort of glitch in the matrix, they decide to battle in order to decide who's the true Noble Works. However, this battle goes a step too far.

Our protagonist has killed the imposter Noble Works. In a panic, he rushes the body to his apartment.
Soon thereafter, a group of suspicious people and a cute Chinese girl break in. Despite Noble Works's best attempts, he cannot explain away the corpse at his side.

The situation gets complex at this point, but it all comes down to this: In order to atone for his sins, Noble Works must attend a prestigious high school academy in the dead guy's place. It's kind of like The Prince and the Pauper, or Princess Evangelion.
Anyway, we soon meet Bigtittymaid-san.

I know what you're thinking: That's an awfully short tie she's wearing. In actuality, that's a perfectly normal tie. It's just that her knockers project so greatly that it looks short from this perspective.

While at school, Noble Works meets the next heroin. Well, first we meet her grampa, this guy:

Then we see the confused, alien-looking chick.

Later on, Zoltron Glocknork approaches Noble Works to ask for help.

Basically, she doesn't know how to play shogi, so she asks our protagonist for help. You can think of shogi as the Japanese version of 52 Pickup.
The common route gets complicated around this time, so without spoiling too much, I'll skip ahead to alien girl's route. I soon found that this route was a whole lot of plot, a whole of lot shogi, and then a whole lot of "plot." The thing I liked most was how much pee there was.
The following images aren't NSFW, but they're as close as one can get to NSFW without being NSFW.


Indeed, by my count, they didn't technically have the sexorz until the fourth H-scene. But urine for a treat, because there's plenty of pee to sustain you until then.


And when it's finally time for them to do the sexorz, they get into this super-advanced position. Noble Works knows what his girl wants.


Oh, and then there's pee.


I'll stop here, where the plot gets pretty intense. The "plot" also gets pretty intense.
 
I'd like to finish the whole game before giving it a proper score. I wonder how long it is? Let's see, it's got 57,690 lines, and at >10 words per line, that adds up to at least 576,900 words.

Gee, that's longer than Infinite Jest, one of the longest novels ever written. I wonder what it says about our society when some degenerates will dedicate more time to a game about pee fetishes than David Foster Wallace's classics.

LET THE PEOPLE WRITE SHORTER REVIEWS, YOU TYRANTS.

LET THE PEOPLE WRITE SHORTER REVIEWS, YOU TYRANTS.

LET THE PEOPLE WRITE SHORTER REVIEWS, YOU TYRANTS.

LET THE PEOPLE WRITE SHORTER REVIEWS, YOU TYRANTS.

LET THE PEOPLE WRITE SHORTER REVIEWS, YOU TYRANTS.

LET THE PEOPLE WRITE SHORTER REVIEWS, YOU TYRANTS.

LET THE PEOPLE WRITE SHORTER REVIEWS, YOU TYRANTS.

Punching Doctors to Reduce Healthcare Spending in the United States
Abstract
Healthcare costs in the United States are the highest of any country in the world, even when adjusting for relative wealth1 (Figure 1). In spite of this, life expectancy in the United States falls behind that of other OECD countries2, as demonstrated in Figure 2. Considering the disparity in life expectancy by income quintile3―a disparity that is not nearly as pronounced in other countries4―it is presumable that the overall life expectancy in the United States would increase significantly if universal coverage were achieved5, thereby granting the poor, who are disproportionately represented by uninsurance and underinsurance6, access to basic preventative services.

Figure 1: Healthcare spending (public + private) per capita in several OECD countries.
Source: The Kaiser Family Foundation

Figure 2: Life Expectancy at Birth of OECD Countries, 2011.
Opinions regarding the manner in which universal coverage can be achieved, or should be achieved, vary widely by partisan affiliation7. However, in consideration of the fact that Medicaid, the United States federal program that seeks to alleviate uninsurance among the poor, yields high returns on investment8, bipartisan support should exist for a proposal in which funds accrued from an agreeable health-related policy change were earmarked to expand coverage under Medicaid.
In particular, Republican politicians widely favor tort reform9, whereby legislation is enacted to minimize malpractice lawsuits against doctors. These costly lawsuits, it is reasoned, not only waste time and money where the cause for litigation is often trivial, but also incentivize medical practitioners to order unnecessary and expensive testing.
This investigation proposes an alternative to tort reform: Violence against doctors.
Theory
The phenomenon of violence against doctors and other medical practitioners exists primarily in China, where, accordingly, malpractice lawsuits are less common than in other countries10. As patients find it difficult to successfully sue practitioners who provide inadequate care or order unnecessary tests (often at the expense of the patient in the form of co-pays and deductibles), they instead retaliate by violence against those practitioners. While the patient may make this decision out of personal emotions, this phenomenon theoretically works to the benefit of the healthcare system at large, because this incentivization against malpractice is much less expensive than lawsuits.
The conservative think tank American Action Forum estimates that tort reform enacted nation-wide could save $15 billion11. This figure will serve as the minimum amount of savings required for this "Violence Against Doctors" system to be considered successful. (In fact, this system will likely have additional benefits not shared with tort reform; for example, tort reform enacted in Texas simply capped the plaintiff's allowed expenditure of medical malpractice lawsuits12, which does not necessarily disincentivize the doctor from committing malpractice or ordering excessive testing.)
In 2008, there were 63,370 medical malpractice lawsuits costing a total $55.6 billion across the system, meaning that the mean lawsuit costs approximately $877,387. In order to save $15 billion, therefore, 17,096 lawsuits (or roughly 27% of all medical malpractice lawsuits) would have to be avoided by violence-induced disincentivization.
In order to standardize the amount of violence against doctors, we will use "punches" by the patient against the practitioner as the unit of measurement. Figure 3 demonstrates the theoretical relationship between each punch and the amount of averted medical malpractice lawsuits.

Figure 3: Relationship between punches and resultant averted lawsuits.
Because 0 punches should result in 0 averted lawsuits, the regression does not have a y-intercept. Therefore, the relationship between the two variables is y = mx, where "m" represents the amount of lawsuits averted per punch. For example, if a patient punching a practitioner results in two fewer lawsuits, then m = (1 punch)/(2 averted lawsuits) = 0.5 punches per averted lawsuit.
However, intuitively, it is much more probable that the value of m exceeds 1, meaning that multiple punches are required to avoid a lawsuit. Therefore, to achieve the desired number of averted lawsuits (17,096), it is necessary to estimate the required number of overall punches, p, multiplied by the inverse of the coefficient m.

Figure 4: Number of punches required to avert desired number of lawsuits.
In the above relationship, the quantity p (punches) × m-1 (averted lawsuits/punch) = averted lawsuits. Randomized control trial(s) will be necessary to yield the values of m and p.
Analysis
The following factors may contribute to uncertainty:
Other units, such as "kicks" and "karate chops" can be utilized in lieu of or in coordination with punches, and separate experiments may need to be conducted in order to measure the coefficient m of these alternative methods. Less discrete methods, such as "rear naked chokes, "kimuras," and "Batista Bombs," may be utilized by the patient in practice but would be difficult to quantify as a function of m. The value of m is subject to variation depending on the medical practitioner's income: An identical number of punches administered to two separate practitioners should result in more averted lawsuits from the better-paid practitioner. This effectively makes the legislation progressive in terms of revenue, which should please Democrats. In many cases, the medical practitioner may retaliate by engaging in combat with the patient; this would result in an increase in the value of m and thus a decrease in the value of p, indicating that more punches will be required to achieve 17,096 averted lawsuits. The above factor is exacerbated by the fact that the constitution of patients, by definition, is usually inferior to that of the medical practitioner. Care centers may enact measures to retaliate against potential violence by patients. In China, for example, hospital staff have been taught kung fu13 and security personnel recruited to minimize violence. This problem could be alleviated by outlawing such defensive measures. Practitioners who receive an excessive amount of punches may end up as patients themselves; subsequently, they may be the victim of malpractice by another practitioner, prompting further violence and possibly resulting in a death spiral. Conclusions
Depending on the findings of potential experimentation, public healthcare spending may be significantly decreased by implementing at the federal level laws with the following effects:
Patients who perceive malpractice on the part of their medical practitioners may punch those practitioners without personal repercussion. As the effectiveness of alternative methods of violence are revealed by reliable experimentation, those methods will be permitted (and encouraged) alongside punches. Immediate family members of the patients who perceive malpractice on the part of their medical practitioners may punch those practitioners without personal repercussion. Medical practitioners are not allowed to carry weapons within a 2-mile radius of any care center in which they work. Medical practitioners are not allowed to practice martial arts within a 2-mile radius of any care center in which they work. Add an exception to this rule when the medical practitioner is administering outpatient care and a robber invades the patient's home. Improve price transparency. Yearly analyses by the Congressional Budget Office will be performed in order to determine the increased revenue resulting from these provisions, and this revenue will be earmarked to expand Medicaid.
References
http://kff.org/health-costs/issue-brief/snapshots-health-care-spending-in-the-united-states-selected-oecd-countries/ https://aneconomicsense.org/2013/11/22/us-health-care-high-cost-and-mediocre-results/ https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/wonk/wp/2015/09/18/the-government-is-spending-more-to-help-rich-seniors-than-poor-ones/?utm_term=.b78a869d9c01 https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK62373/ http://keepthemiddleclassalive.com/inequality-and-health/ http://kff.org/uninsured/fact-sheet/key-facts-about-the-uninsured-population/ http://www.pewresearch.org/fact-tank/2017/01/13/more-americans-say-government-should-ensure-health-care-coverage/ http://ccf.georgetown.edu/2015/07/28/medicaid-provides-excellent-long-term-return-investment/ https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/to-your-health/wp/2016/12/30/top-republicans-say-theres-a-medical-malpractice-crisis-experts-say-there-isnt/?utm_term=.7046065be43e https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4261607/#CR3 https://www.americanactionforum.org/research/tort-reforms-impact-health-care-costs/ http://www.legalmatch.com/law-library/article/texass-cap-for-medical-malpractice-damages.html http://world.time.com/2013/11/06/kung-fu-doctors-shanghai-hospitals-train-medical-staff-for-attacks/

Punching Doctors to Reduce Healthcare Spending in the United States
Abstract
Healthcare costs in the United States are the highest of any country in the world, even when adjusting for relative wealth1 (Figure 1). In spite of this, life expectancy in the United States falls behind that of other OECD countries2, as demonstrated in Figure 2. Considering the disparity in life expectancy by income quintile3―a disparity that is not nearly as pronounced in other countries4―it is presumable that the overall life expectancy in the United States would increase significantly if universal coverage were achieved5, thereby granting the poor, who are disproportionately represented by uninsurance and underinsurance6, access to basic preventative services.

Figure 1: Healthcare spending (public + private) per capita in several OECD countries.
Source: The Kaiser Family Foundation

Figure 2: Life Expectancy at Birth of OECD Countries, 2011.
Opinions regarding the manner in which universal coverage can be achieved, or should be achieved, vary widely by partisan affiliation7. However, in consideration of the fact that Medicaid, the United States federal program that seeks to alleviate uninsurance among the poor, yields high returns on investment8, bipartisan support should exist for a proposal in which funds accrued from an agreeable health-related policy change were earmarked to expand coverage under Medicaid.
In particular, Republican politicians widely favor tort reform9, whereby legislation is enacted to minimize malpractice lawsuits against doctors. These costly lawsuits, it is reasoned, not only waste time and money where the cause for litigation is often trivial, but also incentivize medical practitioners to order unnecessary and expensive testing.
This investigation proposes an alternative to tort reform: Violence against doctors.
Theory
The phenomenon of violence against doctors and other medical practitioners exists primarily in China, where, accordingly, malpractice lawsuits are less common than in other countries10. As patients find it difficult to successfully sue practitioners who provide inadequate care or order unnecessary tests (often at the expense of the patient in the form of co-pays and deductibles), they instead retaliate by violence against those practitioners. While the patient may make this decision out of personal emotions, this phenomenon theoretically works to the benefit of the healthcare system at large, because this incentivization against malpractice is much less expensive than lawsuits.
The conservative think tank American Action Forum estimates that tort reform enacted nation-wide could save $15 billion11. This figure will serve as the minimum amount of savings required for this "Violence Against Doctors" system to be considered successful. (In fact, this system will likely have additional benefits not shared with tort reform; for example, tort reform enacted in Texas simply capped the plaintiff's allowed expenditure of medical malpractice lawsuits12, which does not necessarily disincentivize the doctor from committing malpractice or ordering excessive testing.)
In 2008, there were 63,370 medical malpractice lawsuits costing a total $55.6 billion across the system, meaning that the mean lawsuit costs approximately $877,387. In order to save $15 billion, therefore, 17,096 lawsuits (or roughly 27% of all medical malpractice lawsuits) would have to be avoided by violence-induced disincentivization.
In order to standardize the amount of violence against doctors, we will use "punches" by the patient against the practitioner as the unit of measurement. Figure 3 demonstrates the theoretical relationship between each punch and the amount of averted medical malpractice lawsuits.

Figure 3: Relationship between punches and resultant averted lawsuits.
Because 0 punches should result in 0 averted lawsuits, the regression does not have a y-intercept. Therefore, the relationship between the two variables is y = mx, where "m" represents the amount of lawsuits averted per punch. For example, if a patient punching a practitioner results in two fewer lawsuits, then m = (1 punch)/(2 averted lawsuits) = 0.5 punches per averted lawsuit.
However, intuitively, it is much more probable that the value of m exceeds 1, meaning that multiple punches are required to avoid a lawsuit. Therefore, to achieve the desired number of averted lawsuits (17,096), it is necessary to estimate the required number of overall punches, p, multiplied by the inverse of the coefficient m.

Figure 4: Number of punches required to avert desired number of lawsuits.
In the above relationship, the quantity p (punches) × m-1 (averted lawsuits/punch) = averted lawsuits. Randomized control trial(s) will be necessary to yield the values of m and p.
Analysis
The following factors may contribute to uncertainty:
Other units, such as "kicks" and "karate chops" can be utilized in lieu of or in coordination with punches, and separate experiments may need to be conducted in order to measure the coefficient m of these alternative methods. Less discrete methods, such as "rear naked chokes, "kimuras," and "Batista Bombs," may be utilized by the patient in practice but would be difficult to quantify as a function of m. The value of m is subject to variation depending on the medical practitioner's income: An identical number of punches administered to two separate practitioners should result in more averted lawsuits from the better-paid practitioner. This effectively makes the legislation progressive in terms of revenue, which should please Democrats. In many cases, the medical practitioner may retaliate by engaging in combat with the patient; this would result in an increase in the value of m and thus a decrease in the value of p, indicating that more punches will be required to achieve 17,096 averted lawsuits. The above factor is exacerbated by the fact that the constitution of patients, by definition, is usually inferior to that of the medical practitioner. Care centers may enact measures to retaliate against potential violence by patients. In China, for example, hospital staff have been taught kung fu13 and security personnel recruited to minimize violence. This problem could be alleviated by outlawing such defensive measures. Practitioners who receive an excessive amount of punches may end up as patients themselves; subsequently, they may be the victim of malpractice by another practitioner, prompting further violence and possibly resulting in a death spiral. Conclusions
Depending on the findings of potential experimentation, public healthcare spending may be significantly decreased by implementing at the federal level laws with the following effects:
Patients who perceive malpractice on the part of their medical practitioners may punch those practitioners without personal repercussion. As the effectiveness of alternative methods of violence are revealed by reliable experimentation, those methods will be permitted (and encouraged) alongside punches. Immediate family members of the patients who perceive malpractice on the part of their medical practitioners may punch those practitioners without personal repercussion. Medical practitioners are not allowed to carry weapons within a 2-mile radius of any care center in which they work. Medical practitioners are not allowed to practice martial arts within a 2-mile radius of any care center in which they work. Add an exception to this rule when the medical practitioner is administering outpatient care and a robber invades the patient's home. Improve price transparency. Yearly analyses by the Congressional Budget Office will be performed in order to determine the increased revenue resulting from these provisions, and this revenue will be earmarked to expand Medicaid.
References
http://kff.org/health-costs/issue-brief/snapshots-health-care-spending-in-the-united-states-selected-oecd-countries/ https://aneconomicsense.org/2013/11/22/us-health-care-high-cost-and-mediocre-results/ https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/wonk/wp/2015/09/18/the-government-is-spending-more-to-help-rich-seniors-than-poor-ones/?utm_term=.b78a869d9c01 https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK62373/ http://keepthemiddleclassalive.com/inequality-and-health/ http://kff.org/uninsured/fact-sheet/key-facts-about-the-uninsured-population/ http://www.pewresearch.org/fact-tank/2017/01/13/more-americans-say-government-should-ensure-health-care-coverage/ http://ccf.georgetown.edu/2015/07/28/medicaid-provides-excellent-long-term-return-investment/ https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/to-your-health/wp/2016/12/30/top-republicans-say-theres-a-medical-malpractice-crisis-experts-say-there-isnt/?utm_term=.7046065be43e https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4261607/#CR3 https://www.americanactionforum.org/research/tort-reforms-impact-health-care-costs/ http://www.legalmatch.com/law-library/article/texass-cap-for-medical-malpractice-damages.html http://world.time.com/2013/11/06/kung-fu-doctors-shanghai-hospitals-train-medical-staff-for-attacks/

Parallel structure is a really simple concept that you probably already know in the back of your mind, but that you probably could use a little formalism to better understand. The idea is simple: when you're building a sentence with a list of multiple entries (which may potentially be pretty much any part of the sentence), try to keep the syntactic structure of each entry the same. If you don't do this, in the best case, your sentence will be a little harder to follow, and in the worst case, it will be downright ungrammatical.
Ready for some examples? Here we go!
VN TL Example
I was mostly inspired to write this blog post by a translated script I was looking at a few months ago which had quite a lot of parallel structure problems. Here's a particularly clear example sentence demonstrating the issue, from the translated script:
Makes me want to put my fist through a wall.
The problem is that list of three items: "good grades"; "great looks"; and "is very popular among all the students." One of these things is not like the others. So, what do you do about it? You massage them until they're the same, of course. You could try to rewrite that last one to an "<adjective> <noun>" format like the others, e.g., "<some adjective> popularity", but I'm having trouble making that work. "High popularity?" Basically nonsense. Maybe chuck the word popular and find some equivalent? At any rate, I gave up on this branch because it was too much trouble already and there were better options: for starters, we could just switch to single adjectives down the line:
It's a little terse now, and it doesn't say exactly the same thing, but this sounds quite a lot better because of the improved parallelism. You could also go the other the direction and make them all verbal phrases:
Or even rewrite them each as a full-on independent clause:
I probably wouldn't go with any of these (I actually didn't edit this line; I just left a note for the person who'd already been through it to come back and fix up the parallel structure). To be honest, most of the words here are pretty bland; the character in question is being painted in dull shades of gray. I'd want to splash some color onto it. And, yes, it should really have a serial comma (you'll see I added it to all of my versions), because the serial comma actually is as great as it's hyped up to be.
That said, neither making things more interesting (while of course keeping in mind that the goal is to better match the intent and flavor of the original) nor waxing eloquent on the value of the serial comma is my concern with this blog post. At the moment, the goal is just to avoid wanting to put my fist through a wall, and if we fix all these parallel structure problems, I might just make it through the day with my hands and walls intact.
Published News Article (if by "published" you mean "posted to some site on the internet") Example
Here's a great, more interesting example. This one I just happened to stumble across mere minutes after I'd settled on writing this blog entry earlier today as I was, out of idle curiosity, poking around for more info about that zoo penguin with a Kemono Friends waifu:
My fist is twitching.
As with any writing problem, there are many ways to rewrite the sentence to fix the problem, but here's probably the least intrusive fix: insert a "to" after the "accustomed" and before the parenthetical. It's easy to convince yourself this is at least an improvement by dropping that whole additional verbal phrase inside the parentheses and reading the resulting sentence out loud to yourself, since the result is a straightforward, obviously grammatical sentence. As the sentence was originally written, if you drop the parenthetical, the result is equally obviously ungrammatical. So, here's the simple fix:
This is passable, in my opinion (assuming the audience for said news article is a bunch of weebs who will understand "waifus and husbandos"), but it's still a pretty extreme example of odd sentence structure, and if you so desire, you can go quite a bit further to fix this up for better readability, by either breaking up that list entirely or by further enhancing the parallelism. This example is particularly interesting, and the mistake here particularly understandable, because the structure of that compound verbal phrase is so complex. My initial analysis was that "to grow accustomed to" was a transitive phrasal verb, but I don't think that's quite correct, because "accustomed to XXXX" is probably best classified as an adjective, which is consistent with this usage of "to grow" being best classified as a linking verb, rather than a transitive verb. By that, I mean that "to grow a fruit tree", the transitive version of "to grow," is quite different from "to grow bored", the linking version of "to grow," of which this is an example. Meanwhile, "to celebrate" is a simple transitive verb. So in this sentence, they've actually managed to build a compound verb phrase out of: a linking verb, linking the subject to a phrasal adjective which takes an object (itself a pretty long, complex noun phrase); and the simple transitive verb "to celebrate," which is taking the same really long noun phrase for an object. Bottom line, it's still a pretty gnarly sentence because of the remaining lack of parallelism between the verb phrases.
Want to fix it more? Knock yourself out (but I think my walls are safe from me now, so please don't knock them out). Once you get parallel structure ingrained in your brain, it gets pretty easy to spot problems and to fix them. In fact, you might even start spotting correct usage of parallelism and appreciating it.

I have a lot of trouble getting started on things. One area in particular that has been consistently difficult for me is going places – work, school, the store to buy muh colas before they close for the night, that sort of thing. I have recently discovered and begun formalizing a technique which seems to help with it. However, it is creepy, because it involves partially dissociating your mind from what your body is doing. Today I fashioned for it a shitty chuuni chant: there is strength in emptiness: Automaton!
To be honest, I’m half hoping the chant doesn’t work as a switch-flipper, considering how terrible it is. My apologies, O chuuni gods.
It begun one day when I was lying around, trapped in a familiar sensation where I seemed unable to will myself to any action, enmeshed in repetitive and irrelevant thought and generally getting nowhere important. I felt out of touch with the world, like there were no thread connecting me to this plane – indeed, was the world even real?
A seductive call beckoned. Perhaps I should try something I had done piecewise before, but never so deliberately, so completely – could I give my estranged body over to an imagined automaton, let the automaton collect the knick-knacks and tie the shoelaces and lock the doors and ride the elevators, and take back control once I needed to once again be human?
The attempt was a resounding, if alarming, success. My body proceeded to smoothly go to work, while I, dissociated, observed that I probably tie my shoelaces faster and more efficiently when I’m doing it on autopilot. In the end I spontaneously reintegrated over time without having to force it, which was a relief – one time I was at the store and borely (and likely boneheadedly) started practicing the mindfulness concept of framing your thoughts as things you are having rather than facts that are; while it didn’t really elucidate much, I did find myself unable to easily exit the frame, which was honestly a bit unchill.
I have used the automaton takeover concept like, two times after that, and it really does seem to work. It’s not just mindlessly doing things on autopilot either – the disconnect ensures that you have actual thinking time while carrying out business, and is the prime difference between this and pure distracted flow.
To use this technique you should probably be somewhat comfortable with feelings of derealization. The good news is that these correlate with depression, and I swear half of you fuckers want to kill yourselves, so it’s vaguely plausible that someone else might have had a similar experience. I do wonder if I have accidentally stumbled upon and formalized a Normie Technique(tm) that nobody told me about, but the fact that I’m worried that someone with psych issues will try it and end up being unable to return to united reality or fucked up in general does bolster me somewhat. Uhh, be careful trying this at home, I guess.
My personal motivation was that I was pretty derealized already, so making things more formal wasn’t really going to be that much of a problem. If you find yourself able to convincingly make that argument, this method may be worth trying.


View the full article

WARNING: NSFW images below:

Recent events have compelled me to contemplate the Oxford comma to an even greater extent than usual, so let me share a story to convince you that, in addition to using the Oxford comma in writing, you should enunciate it in your speech.
I was getting pizza some time ago. But I must note that it was one of those pizza places where they make little quadrilateral pizzas for a single person ("single" having two meanings, probably). I normally wouldn't concede to the expenses associated with such a bourgeois establishment, but the meal is quite cheap when one orders a full-sized square pizza―probably because they aren't meant to be eaten in one sitting―and, most notably, the meal comes with a free side order.
As such, the cashier asked which side I would like, and I will transcribe this in such a manner as to accurately represent her enunciation: "You want bread chips or carrots?"
I cannot think of how to tell this anecdote without now giving away the catch, which the keenest among you may have already ascertained: The sentence was actually, "You want bread, chips, or carrots?"
But I am not the keenest among us, and the fact that there was no pause between the "chips" and "or" suggested, in my mind rightfully accustomed to the Oxford comma, that there were only two items: bread chips and carrots. I sought to confirm this, asking, "Bread chips?"
And she, wielding the apathy of an employee who unwittingly tempts the manager into automating all the cashiers, recited the items with the selfsame cadence or lack thereof―"Bread chips or carrots?"
This corroborated my confusion, and I thought to myself, I have no idea what bread chips are, but I know I don't want carrots. So I said, "BREAD CHIPS."
She replied, "Chips?" And then I might have said "BREAD CHIPS" again―I forget―but apparently I conceded to chips eventually, and went to await the production of my comestibles thereafter. Not even at this point had I come to realize the situation, as my friend labored for some time to explain it to me.
The Oxford comma was not the instigator in this story; it was a reluctant spectator, a single tear running down its cheek. I implore you to take this experience to heart.

I couldn't simply allow this day to pass without trying to do something.
Here's a poem I think I may have tried before, I'm unsure, in all it's incomprehensible glory.
But worry not, there's a second poetry reading, a bit more normal this time.
 

Recent events have compelled me to contemplate the Oxford comma to an even greater extent than usual, so let me share a story to convince you that, in addition to using the Oxford comma in writing, you should enunciate it in your speech.
I was getting pizza some time ago. But I must note that it was one of those pizza places where they make little quadrilateral pizzas for a single person ("single" having two meanings, probably). I normally wouldn't concede to the expenses associated with such a bourgeois establishment, but the meal is quite cheap when one orders a full-sized square pizza―probably because they aren't meant to be eaten in one sitting―and, most notably, the meal comes with a free side order.
As such, the cashier asked which side I would like, and I will transcribe this in such a manner as to accurately represent her enunciation: "You want bread chips or carrots?"
I cannot think of how to tell this anecdote without now giving away the catch, which the keenest among you may have already ascertained: The sentence was actually, "You want bread, chips, or carrots?"
But I am not the keenest among us, and the fact that there was no pause between the "chips" and "or" suggested, in my mind rightfully accustomed to the Oxford comma, that there were only two items: bread chips and carrots. I sought to confirm this, asking, "Bread chips?"
And she, wielding the apathy of an employee who unwittingly tempts the manager into automating all the cashiers, recited the items with the selfsame cadence or lack thereof―"Bread chips or carrots?"
This corroborated my confusion, and I thought to myself, I have no idea what bread chips are, but I know I don't want carrots. So I said, "BREAD CHIPS."
She replied, "Chips?" And then I might have said "BREAD CHIPS" again―I forget―but apparently I conceded to chips eventually, and went to await the production of my comestibles thereafter. Not even at this point had I come to realize the situation, as my friend labored for some time to explain it to me.
The Oxford comma was not the instigator in this story; it was a reluctant spectator, a single tear running down its cheek. I implore you to take this experience to heart.