Conjueror

There is very little professional criticism in Japan in general. I was curious about this actually, and from what I gathered from my friends: it appears the notion itself is something Japanese feel culturally opposed to. The only professional thing dealing with criticism I know here is Famitsu, so unless it starts covering VNs one day; no, there's likely no professional sources of VN criticism in Japan. Your best bet is to surf erogamescape if you want opinions; some people over there treat their work very professionally actually.

The complicated part about this line (apart from the annoying tegotae word) is that it's reflective of the second line of the scene "Finally, a hit… finally she caught up to..." and doesn't really describe a new action, so I was worried that adding a verb indicating her motion next to the sword part might mislead readers into thinking that the cut of the cheek might be a second "hit" she landed on Eleonore. If you think it checks out though, I'll use this line as it definitely is a lot clearer than the monstrosity I came up with. Alternatively: Might be a good idea to cut rushed/leapt altogether. I'm just not sure if "lingering on her fingers" is an expression that makes sense in English or not. I'm pretty sure there are quite a few who would be interested in translating it, but, like me, lack the proper skills to do the game justice. I think Makoto might be the only one in the business who could even feasibly tackle it at the moment, but even so, this is what Moogy had to say on the subject:

Ah, yeah, tegotae can mean either, but the very following line is: "Silent befuddlement left Eleanore’s lips as she traced her fingers along the cut on her cheek." EDIT: Heh, I imagine trying to follow Dies Irae without context must be no easy task. I had to read it twice to make sense out of it, and there is still stuff left that eludes me. Incidentally, Eleonore actually doesn't carry a weapon and was just evading up to this point, so there could have been no exchange between the two.

I'm much more concerned about my English than my Japanese, so your comment is definitely very helpful. The only thing is that it's not the clashing of blades she's still feeling "on her hand" but having cut through the flesh of her target. The point of that line is to drive it home that she definitely manged to hit Eleonore. But your suggestion gave me some nice ideas. This was one of the problematic lines I would have wanted to discuss with an editor had I been working on a serious project. I think I pretty much gave up and went with an almost literal take with this one initially.

Hello guys. I had a bit of extra time on my hands so I decided to put it to good use and practiced my skills on translating another excerpt from Dies Irae. It's a direct sequel to the battle scene in my previous translation (and it's not even over yet, haha; I smell a trilogy on the horizon). Again, don't expect Shakespeare, but I tried to bring the nuance of Masada's writing across to the best of my ability (I imagine with debatable success). The scene has spoilers, obviously, but most of them are so cryptic you'll likely have no idea what's up if you haven't read the work already anyway. Text-based TL on my blog: https://vnrw.wordpress.com/2015/06/01/translation-dies-irae-beatrice-vs-eleonore-part-ii/ Subbed YT videos:

Never heard this euphemism before.

What the... I'm pretty sure this will make gameplay VN fans cringe either way; at least they could've picked to localize an actually good game. >< Though it would be really ridiculous if actually good companies, like Eushully or AliceSoft, decided to follow suit and ruin their games. So, yeah, stop those loonies while you still can, everyone.

Haru Made, Kururu; Natsukumo Yururu; Himawari; Steins Gate; and arguably Ever17, are the only ones I'd classify as hard sci-fi though (as in legit science; I have a degee in that shit). However, only Steins Gate and Ever17 are translated at the moment, and Ever17 very poorly, too, as far as I know. You can't go wrong with Liar's steampunk series (Inganock, Sharnoth and the others) either, though I have my reservations about calling them "science fiction"; they're more like fairy tales with steampunk elements that are just there for the atmosphere. Koestl has recently finished translating Gahktun, and I highly recommend getting that one once MG releases it. Both the work and the translator are brilliant. Incidentally, some tag Grisaia Rakuen with a sci-fi tag as well, but whatever's in there gonna give you a heart attack if you ever as much opened a physics textbook in your life, haha. EDIT: Oh fuck, forgot YU-NO. Not particularly hard, but pretty sciency fictiony and absolutely briiliant.

You are in luck, Winged Cloud just released a perfect game for you. P.S. What's with the hate toward Overdrive? I don't like them much myself, but, surely, Kira Kira wasn't *that* bad. It's drawn out, and, in my opinion, very underwhelming in the end, but it's still a fairly competently written work by the same guy who did Swan Song of all things. There must have been an issue with its translation or something.

Oh my god, the writing of those guys in Winged Cloud makes even this look good in comparison. If this is an indication of where the linguistic arts are going, we'll be reading stuff written in cavemen paintings in another fourty years.

You know what's funny here? Obvious mistakes and horrendous writing aside, this whole conversation actually CAN be translated like this - as Aoi speaking about himself. It's a perfectly valid TL. Except that a few lines earlier, Yoru said that she started ignoring her own way of thinking and rules, and was wondering why. Why would Aoi suddenly start explaining how he felt? With JP grammar, stuff like this can be perfectly ambiguous and depend solely on the context. In ENG you have to be more specific, but it's entirely up to your guess who is the subject of the conversation. That's why "killing" wrong characters or labeling innocent people as murderers isn't that hard. If an important plot-point is written like this, a translator with a poor understanding of the context can screw everything up, and he won't even notice that (what he writes is a possible TL after all). And if the subject will come up in a non-ambiguous way later on, the initial error can be repeated anyway, for consistency (since the "translator" is convinced everything happened the way he wrote it at first, and he relies on guesslations all the time anyway). Screwing everything up is easier than you think. Also, "slightly competent" translators aren't a subject of this conversation to begin with. We're talking about "highly incompetent" ones. Those are the problem. When the TL is at lest slightly decent, it can be salvaged by TLC and editors. And nobody demands a "perfect" TL anyway (that's just the straw man used by people who defend said highly incompetent TLs, nothing else). Oh yeah, and my raw TL of the mentioned fragment, just for completeness' sake: That aside, what Zoom said is true. That's why people who aren't illiterate and actually care about what they are reading, should discourage shit-quality translations. Otherwise, they will be left with nothing to read, because a horde of attention whores will start spawning machine-TL-level "patches", and everyone who cares will say "Fuck it, I won't waste my time for that shitty community". But well, that's none of my business. ┐（￣－￣）┌ Wow, that's one good example and one horrendous translation. Who was he talking about anyway? If I'd wager a guess she was confused by her own behavior, and sought Aoi for guidance, who inadvertently makes her realize she is in love with him (without even knowing that he is the object of that love). Moenovel should at least make their translators read the VNs they are translating. :/

Huh, that's odd. Actually, I always held ef to be the best VN anime adaptation ever produced so far, slightly outperforming even Phantom of Inferno and Steins;Gate. And ef - A Fairy Tale of the Two is one of my favorite VNs, and I saw anime years after reading it. I found SHAFT's artistic visuals to work way better at giving the work tasteful romantic atmosphere than the VN's prose (which was fairly good in its own right, dunno if translation does it justice or not though). And they also re-worked some of the better scenes in a way that totally blows VN's presentation out of water, like the phone booth scene, or Yuuko's confession. I did think that one completely original episode in Tales of Melodies was out of place and made little sense, but I loved everything else with passion. Jesus, just check out those OPs!

KonoSora doesn't count, it needs to be rescued from those insane people at MoeNovel. xD And, as far as I know, don't you still need to buy the English version to run the patch? I find misrepresenting someone else's work to be very morally reprehensible. But, I suppose, that's just me. I don't think "freedom of speech" applies to stealing and rewriting someone else's work. I mean, you're putting your own words in the author's mouth, not even speaking yourself. And lessening the chances of someone actually doing a good translation of the work is reprehensible both toward the work and its fans. I've never even heard of a fan re-tl except for Cross†Channel that was done by some crazy dude, and KonoSora which is a special case because of its popularity that was brought upon by its "official" status. If my work ever got translated to another language I sure would care about its quality, and how people are taking it over there. And would surely sue whoever fucked it up. I find this method to produce best translations of things, as long your reading comprehension is alright (which, according to you, is not in this case). Translating things on syntax level only nets you with clunky prose.

Well, since what I personally wish to see is visual novels being recognized and translated beautifully in the west, regardless if it's an official or fan translation, I don't really mind good fan translations, on personal level. I doubt my employer shares the sentiment, however, as good fan-tls probably damage the prospect of an official release even further. Well, I thought western fans are starving for good visual novels. It doesn't make it "alright" to steal the eggs just because it's your basic human need, it's still against the law; it's just that I'd forgive such an action on a personal level, just like I'd forgive a good fan translation that does the work of art justice. It's extremely rare that the actual author is against his work being enjoyed by more people; it's usually the money-motivated suits in eroge companies that are against "wasting their time" on English market. I see good fan translations as a robin hood-like crime, where translators rescue visual novels that are forbidden to western market either because of stuck up companies or the lack of fame, and share them with the world. But it just doesn't feel right if this robin hood character would spoil the goods (bad translation) before sharing it, or openly disrespects them. As long as your actions don't take the food from the author's table (translating stuff that's already being officially worked on) and don't misrepresent the work to the world (bad translation), then, on personal level, I feel that a fan-translation would be a right thing to do. Otherwise I can only see it as a crime both against the law and human morals. Ideally, any fan translation project should contact the author or a VN localization company before releasing their translation to confirm that there is no possibility to make it into an official release. And if the author is up for it, but it turns out your translation is not "up to snuff" then you basically just wasted your time and releasing it to the public would only be an insult to the work, as well as to the author (and should be punishable by law). If the author doesn't care about the official release, then there is no harm in releasing your fan translation, I guess, but it still lowers the chances of someone talented picking it up if it's bad. I'd still find releasing something that misrepresents the work wrong on moral level, but I wouldn't go as far as to say it should be punishable by law. But I doubt any author or fan or localization company would be offended by a beautiful translation of the game that would never have otherwise been released in English. I think you're overestimating the human race. I doubt even a fraction of people who have bought KonoSora on steam suspect that it was actually quite well written, and it pains my heart to think how the author of that work must feel. Ah, yeah. This means that there's no telling where your life might lead; but I assumed he was hinting at some hypothetical fall that sanahtlig would have known having read the VN, I don't think the lines are mutually exclusive per se. His phrasing feels stronger that way to me, too. I don't think it's that important to preserve minor mannerisms inherent to Japanese writing that would only make the English lines feel clunky like あらゆる or なり in this case though, or preoccupy yourself with details like that the "aura of inapproachability" came only from his face; I'm sure it surrounded his whole body anyway. xD Though I suppose it makes sense to point those out if he's not confident in his Japanese skills and is actually missing them instead of deliberately glossing them over.

Well, seeing this "audience" is the issue here, smaller fan-translated VNs don't seem to garner enough attention to warrant a re-translation. I am not at liberty to reveal details, but I'm currently working with one of the three big VN localizers in the States and they are more than willing to go out of their way to look for rights for VNs I personally like, but games with an existing fan-tl are a no-go. Sorry, that came out wrong. While I do think that a work of art transcends its creator and warrants respect by itself, I'm not some lunatic who'd put people in jail for burning books or flags (though I heard some countries do outlaw that). What I meant is that fan-tls infringe on copyright and thus are a crime, and if you are going to go out of your way to break the law, then at least do it for a good reason. I can forgive a poor mother stealing eggs to feed her starving children, but a bunch of drunk guys who steal the same eggs only to use the said starving children for their target practice deserve to go to jail. Starving children being western VN fans.

This, unfortunately, only applies to hugely popular games like Clannad, Higurashi or Fate Stay Night. I understand your logic, but the current official stance of localization companies is that they won't touch games that have already been translated. It might change if visual novels grow more popular in the west but we probably won't be seeing many re-translations of old games in the near future. So thank god Ayakashibito actually got a good translation. So if you're stealing his work already why not also ruin it and spit the author in the face in the process, eh? I think you should have at least a semblance of respect toward the work you are translating, like, as a human being. Translators, who don't, deserve to go to jail, much less be allowed to publish their work.

Because it is an insult to the author who poured his soul into the work to turn it into a laughing before the whole world. I doubt you'd like someone to rewrite your novels in a way that the whole world would end up associating your name with poor writing. And it's bad for visual novels as a genre of fiction in general; they already have enough infamy without terrible writing further sullying their name. Not to mention that a translation, however bad, lessens the game's market value lowering its chances to get an official localization considerably. I don't know how his work measures, but if Ixrec hadn't picked Inganock, for better or worse, Koestl would probably be translating it now. In other words, if you are picking a translation project you better make sure you can do it justice, or you might very well ruin the future of that VN.

The only VNs I've read in English in their entirety are JAST's old games, like X-Change 2, Brave Soul, and Figures of Happiness, back in early 2000s, so I'm not really an expert on later fan/professional translations, and can only comment on short excerpts I saw around on youtube. I mostly agree with a much more in-depth Decay's assessement up above which I found both very enlightening and a pleasure to read. Unacceptable (the translation is so bad it ruins the original work (terribly inaccurate or so poorly written it makes you want to gouge your eyes out): Konosora, Kira Kira, Aiyoku no Eustia, machine translations. Passable (writing feels stiff and there are minor tl errors but it delivers the story): Most fan-tls (TakaJun, Ixrec) and even many professional tls (Princess Evangile). Satisfactory (strong, competent English + more or less accurate translation) Cartagra, your excerpt possibly *Borderline Excellent Koestl Moogy/Makoto (Hanachirasu, Saya no Uta) Excellent (you can barely tell it's a translation and it's a pleasure to read; the text conveys the same nuance JP is brimming with in beautiful and accurate liberal takes rather than literal interpretations of words) Lost Odyssey Haruki Murakami and many other literary Japanese novels (Kokoro, Snow Country etc.) (Final Fantasy XII, Fire Emblem: Awakening) Some stuff on GareJei's blog if he'd undergo an in-depth tlcheck ------------------- I personally don't mind a few minor tl errors if they don't screw the overall nuance of the scene. Once you're past being able to correctly transcribe Japanese and produce "passable" translations, your English writing skill is all that matters; and what I respect the most are liberal takes which don't use any of the same words the original text had but somehow convey the same feeling / information it did a lot better than any literal transcribing of words would ever had. You usually have to be as good a writer in English as the person you are translating was in Japanese to pull that off though. I haven't read the English version, but this one is one of my favorite games. Do you think it would pass your standard of a professional translation, as in, would you be still satisfied if you actually had to pay your $ on it? That game has "author's notes" explaining every second sentence to Japanese *native* speakers. I haven't seen the translation, but unless half of its script are tl notes on author notes on the actual text, then it probably doesn't convey the original very well. xD

Haha, it seems our situations are pretty much reverse. I've been living with the JP language for about fifteen years now so I rarely have trouble interprenting the text; it's putting it into effective English that actually flows well that's giving me sleepless nights. A skill that's sadly sorely lacking in the gaming industry in general. To be fair, if you are good enough, you can also use your fan-translation as a bargaining chip to get a job at professionally translating things, or, if the stars align, even sell it. I personally find it great for researching the writing techniques of the writers I like, and improving my own English sentences -- skills I one day hope to utilize to write something of my own. And I wholeheartedly agree with this. If anything, the standards of fan-tls, and heck, translation of vns and games in general should be heightened. I mean, just try opening any of Haruki Murakami's books in English, and then compare it to how Moenovel raped Oozora. Most good Japanese VNs read just as well as books do in Japanese, and there's no reason why their translations shouldn't. I'm actually rather surprised by how low the standards / expectations of western VNs fans are. I only see them complaining when the translation outright destroys the original work. With people like Koestl and Makoto/Moogy, however, the standard seems to be rising lately (at least for the professional tl), and I can only hope it will continue to do so.

I don't know what kind of VNs you've been reading but from what I've seen only Koestl ever came anywhere close to what I'd dare call "professional" quality in a fan-tl, and Sekai Project still had to spend months editing the thing. And if this excerpt is an indication of your skills I'd say you're not that far behind him since you actually seem to know how English creative writing works. If anything, your work is not only up to snuff, but probably way above most other attempts at fan-tl around here, and you'd probably make a lot of people happy if you actually translated something in full.

Yeah, I know what you mean, and your interpretation could still be correct if the excerpt he posted is somehow misleading, but 失礼します has many uses, one of which is to forcefully interrupt the other party mid-conversation to demonstrate that you don't want to hear anything from them anymore and are leaving (it's literally like saying "I'm leaving." mid convo). The もう話すことはないと言わんばかりに and the fact that the old dude calls after him gives me the impression that it's the case here. But, yeah, it depends on the guy's personality, it kinda gave me the impression that he has a grudge on the old dude and his use of "politeness / 敬語" is sarcastic (自分達は最善を尽くしたと？ sounds way too aggressive for someone trying to be genuinely polite, and なんですか？ while 敬語 usually comes off as quite condescending in most situations actually, unless you're a teacher and talking to your student or something). sanahtlig seems to have read the VN, so I'm just more inclined to believe his interpretation of the character / scene.

Yeah, the "そういうことだ" line was a little bit off, but everything else in your tl seems perfectly fine (looking without context, that is). The "……失礼します" line seems to be Pabloc's own misinterpretation of the JP text. We don't have enough context for 「だが、現に我々は狂い、自分を保つためにあらゆる方法を模索して来た」 but unless the curse itself explicitly makes you mad, this line probably means that the potential of being cursed made them lose their minds (not literally) in their search for a way to preserve themselves (I imagine these guys were doing something really terrible using "lifting the curse" as an excuse). 自分を保つ can mean both preserve oneself, and preserve one's sanity which makes the whole thing even more confusing without proper context. But the way this line hits me is closer to your interpretation, as it was probably not they who were literally mad / confused, but the way they approached the situation and their actions thereafter. I can't really tell without reading the actual VN, though. xD The non-underlined lines are just more literal interpretations of the, more or less, same thing you wrote. So you could just use whichever you think flows better. And your style, in general, reads a lot better than most of his suggestions to me.

Ah, right, lol, I have no idea why I hit that 漢字変換 button there. My brain got fried from the breast touching thing probably.

Hmm, I'd assume this is her way of saying 使用, maybe to emphasize that she speaks cute? I don't think I've seen it written like this before, though, but there is nothing else that could be said here, really. EDIT: woops, it seems someone has already beaten me to this. xD