Conjueror

I've re-read the whole script carefully and I think Ｉ can see your point, though a thing or two don't add up in your interpretation. xD 「ワンタッチって言ったって、私が触らせてあげたのは制服だけっ」 She's using past tense because she's still talking about the past incident, not some hypothetical time, but she IMPLIES that it would be as much she'd let him to do, too, so it doesn't change your interpretation (it would be ワンタッチって言ったって、私が触らせてあげられるのは制服だけっ if it was just hypothetical time). It's clearly related to 「なんせ、この私の胸にワンタッチしたんだから！この乙女の可憐な胸によ！」 You could also interpret 奏　「そうか…って、おい！ミリ単位で見切るなよ、達人かと思うだろ！」 as if he was talking about himself (You want me to touch your uniform without disturbing your breasts? Who do you think I am, a kung fu master?!) which flows a little bit better, but the そうか… pause kinda indicates that it takes a while for it to hit him which is probably him thinking about her feat. Interprenting this as if he was talking about himself makes the following lines of her being boastful and the god thing a bit too convoluted, so I guess Parallel Pain's interpretation is still closest to what's being said over there.

I think the "splitting hairs" part can be a bit misleading, but dowolf's line does the job alright for the most part. It's a bit of a mouthful, but maybe something like this could also work: "Don't tell me you can actually differentiate between a few millimeters of cloth like that! It sounds almost like you've been practicing for this!" This line would also make sense if this was the first time she actually pulled that stunt off (as her smug reaction in the case of dowolf's line "You'll make me think you've done this a million times." indicates it wasn't). EDIT: Yeah, this sounds closest to what he is saying exactly. Unfortunately, this exact phrasing doesn't work that well in English (I think) and comes off as a bit awkward. I think going for a bit more liberal take similar to dowulf's, where you put emphasis on that she really shouldn't go around doing stuff like that, makes the line a bit more effective and would do for a better localization (if you are allowed to take liberties with the text, that is). But, yeah, your line was the first thing that popped into my mind when I read the JP version, too. xD

Yeah, that's pretty much my literal interpretation of the line, too. Wording it in a way that both sounds nice and conveys the same nuance in English is a nightmare though. Especially given the fact that he already knows she's the type that can pull that off (a master) and is using that wording just as a figure of speech.

Ah, sorry, it seems I had misunderstood the meaning of your English line, I thought that you were trying to: 1. Imply that Sou doesn't believe her words and is telling her that trying to differentiate between uniform and breasts is stupid; 2. Make it sound she was / supposed to be ashamed of this skill. But now that you've explained it and I saw the scripts it does seem to check out alright. I didn't know the guy was already familiar with her skills, or that letting ppl touch the fabric of her uniform was her way of deliberately picking fights. I just thought that "don't split hairs" is equivalent to "don't be petty" or "don't get sidetracked by little things." I don't know which word I'm misunderstanding but dictionary gives me "to quibble; to try to make petty distinctions" for splitting hairs.

I can see how you'd come up with that translation, but doesn't "split hairs over an eighth of an inch" indicate that she's being petty about differentiating her uniform from her breast and is just making excuses? I assume you then went on to interpret the 達人 line as referring to her being able to tell that difference (not necessarily commending her physical prowess) and thus having practiced this a lot (having her breasts touched); which she shouldn't want him or anyone else to know. Her mischievious/meaningful giggle doesn't make sense though, it indicates something like "sure I am an expert 'cause I'm awesome" which tells me he was actually praising/surprised by her skill and not calling her petty. Otherwise I'd expect her to retort with something like "baka" or shut up", basically the JP way of saying "fuck off". If the 新世界の神 follows that line then it is in response to her "godly" skills which again wouldn't make sense with your interpretation. I mean, I can understand why who'd you translate that line the way you did, and I'd probably translate it the same way if it was just a single line, but your interpretation doesn't make sense in the context you've given me (at least to me). But we're pretty much at the point of literary analysis instead of linguistic issue of translation and there's nothing we can do to validate our claims short of contacting the author of the work, so there's little point in trying to discuss this any further. It's just that spending the majority of my adult life in Japan and taking their culture into account I wouldn't expect this scene to play out the way you interpreted it. But it's just me, seriously, that writer can be weird for all I know.

Well, translating the "actual meaning" of words in idioms and slang is rarely the best idea, unless you're actually aiming for a hilarious translation. My English wording might not have been the best, but I'm pretty sure I explained what's going on in that scene contextually, it almost makes me wanna read that VN just to check this scene in full context now. The girl let them touch her uniform but not the breasts that it was covering, so the word 避ける is just as off as evade, hence the complicated wording of the line. The implication of the other literally not wanting to be thought of as something is usually lost when かと思うだろ is used in such a situation. If the girl was a master and didn't want others to find out, the line would be worded ミリ単位で見切るなよ、達人ってばれるだろう！ If the girl wasn't a master and didn't want others want to think she was that line would probably be worded as ミリ単位で見切るなよ、達人と勘違いされるだろう. and if he wanted to imply that the opinion of other people even matters to either of them he would have used 思われる and not 思う which refers to himself alone in this case (but also implies that any other person in his situation would think the same thing). If you want to deconstruct this expression I think it arose from something like "The surprising thing that you've just pulled off makes me think you are xxx (master in this case), and you wouldn't want that, because that would be weird, right?". But the "wouldn't want" and the "weird" parts aren't taken seriously/literally the way this expression is usually used nowadays; it's the "surprising thing you've just pulled off" that gets all the attention. P.S.: I wonder if the girl is lying about pulling that off, or if she really did it, though. I kind of assumed she did pull it off, but now that I think about it, his 突っ込み would make more sense if he was trying to point out her lie. Either way, fuck this, I'm not doing anything with this line before I know what's really going on in that VN. xD

見切る indeed doesn't mean "evade", it means she saw through their "attack" (in this case breast touching) and managed to somehow make it so they only touched the fabric of her clothes without feeling her flesh (that's why I said evade was a lousy word). In other words, the word 見切る refers to her being able to distinguish the few millimeters separating her breasts and the fabric of her uniform, as you said, AND the incoming attack of her adversary (the judo club or whatnot), thus IMPLYING she successfully pulled off that feat (avoid her breasts getting touched by a millimeter). Kanade implies her being a master of some vague sort that is able to do inhuman things. It's a pretty common expression people use here when someone pulls off an insane physical feat. Taking xxxるなよ, xxx かと思うだろ too literally can put you off track, as it's very similar in nature to "You're shitting me." in English. A slangy phrase we use in daily conversations here that doesn't mean much by itself (just as no one is defecating in the English version, so no one is seriously thinking about masters or telling what others should do or not do in the JP phrase; it just expresses surprise (in a somewhat sarcastic way by adding a 突っ込み, though). And it's interchangeable with something like 達人かよ hence I unconsciously translated it closer to such. Maybe something like "I didn't know you were a fucking shaolin monk." would express the nuance best in this case? Damn, this sentence is so fucking hard to translate into English, haha. If this is any indication of that writer's style, I can't say I envy you tling this game, GLM4475.

You should paste the whole conversation in Japanese in cases like this. From what I could tell, Airi told him that he could "touch" the location of her breasts but only the fabric of her clothes covering them. In other words touch the millimeters thin cloth without disturbing her actual flesh. To which he replied literally "Don't give me values in mm, people will think I'm a master (of breast touching) or something."; it's a joke on swordmasters being able to do their stuff in mm and all that. This mm thing is kinda clumsy if she doesn't specify mm in the previous conversation, so I would probably just go with something like "What? You think I'm some (breast touching) master monk or something?". 達人 is always a tricky word to translate. The second line about the God of the New World is a Death Note reference / joke. I have no idea what it is in response to, though. ------- Edit: Dude, your romaji was wrong and it gave a completely different impression from what was actually written. ワンタッチって言ったって、私が触らせてあげたのは制服だけっ vs One touch tte ittatte, watashi ga sawarasete ageru no ha seifuku dake; the original line is in past tense indicating it already happened, while your romaji indicates that she's gonna let him touch her breasts in the future. She's basically talking about those judo guys or whatnot having touched her breasts, or rather, only the fabric of the clothes covering them. And Kanade replies literally "You evaded that on a millimeter scale? You're a master shaolin monk or something?" (evade kinda sounds weird, so I'm sure you can come up with a better word; but that's the gist of it). 見切る is martial arts lingo when you read (and evade) your opponent's attack The reason it's phrased literally as "Don't mikiruna in mm scale, people will think you're a master." is just how Japanese combine 突っ込み and surprise, to supposedly make it sound funny. The point is: he's flabbergasted by her skill, but also tries to make a joke about it.

Did you know that Swan Song was inspired by this book? Also, yes, it's probably the best vn on that list, though I'm not sure if I'd ever call it anything close to nakige romance the op seems to be looking for. I'd personally recommend ef, Narcissu or Hoshizora for that; Crescendo is one of the greats too, but the best thing about it is its masterful use of Japanese prose, the lousy translation of which, no doubt, ruined it.

I took a glance at those scripts and the translation is indeed quite good for a fan-tl. A real shame he had to quit.

Looks like a tl error to me; the tler probably misread 洋服 for 和服 or something, though that's a pretty odd mistake to make in this situation (unless Evangile is taking place in some alternate reality setting). xD

Thank you for your kind words! Translating a work like Dies Irae literally would only leave you with an incomprehensible mess, so it's much more of a challenge to one's English writing ability, than Japanese comprehension. I'm somewhat of an avid reader of English novel, but writing seems to be a different beast altogether; and the wall of not being a native speaker of your tongue is quite a beast to topple in this case. I still can't believe the "dancing on the palm of one's hand" is not proper English; I must have watched too many literally subtitled anime. I am actually currently in the middle of a very exciting project with a few really talented people, but I can't disclose it for legal reasons yet. Hopefully, it won't disappoint you when it comes out. P.S. Hope Boo is as excited about Pillars of Eternity as I am. I would love to translate Dies Irae in its entirety, but I'm simply not good enough for such a crazy venture yet. Maybe in a couple of years...

This list painfully lacks Himawari. You should check it out if you haven't yet; its hard sci-fi of biology/astronomy is easily on-par with Haru Made, Kururu; and it actually offers an inspiring and dramatic story along with it. And it's probably the closest we have to a space opera VN; almost half of the action actually happens in space (can't promise any spaceship battles though xD).

Hmm... How come Maruto (Parfait/Aozora), Takahiro (Tsuyokiss) and Maeda Jun's stuff aren't on this list? I read those back when I wasn't that good in Japanese and it all went pretty smooth. I don't think 'Harukani Aogi Uruwashi no' is much easier than those, at least.

I'd go with something like "Oh, here comes the cheering squad. Or at least someone who looks the part." if you want to be more literal. いかにもって感じ expresses both doubt (though he is 99% sure, "they definitely look like it!") and "expected no less" (usually used sarcastically). A pretty tricky thing to transcibe into English. Though, since it seems the squad guy actually introduces himself beforehand, the suggested above "Oh, the cheering squad. Can't say I've expected anything less from these guys." alone might flow better.

Though if you are really good, you might find a way to incorporate most of that information into your English writing in a subtler way. The trickiest words are definitely onii-chan, onee-chan and senpai, and I agree that most of the time it's a good idea not to mess with them too much. In most cases you can get around with using "you" or "he" instead, but, yeah, when it's a single word addressing a character then you have no choice but to leave them in, or rewrite the whole thing. I think you could get away with using the words sis and bro for 姉貴 and 兄貴, and maybe even for onee-chan in a few special cases, but you're fucked with onii-chan for the most part. xD

Hey, I wasn't saying that honorifics are strictly evil, or whatever, but I'm of the opinion that, even in a fan-tl, they should be only left in if the content absolutely requires it. We have instances of "sensei' left in professional translations, too (like that of the novel "Kokoro"). It's just that you can get into a mess if you start leaving all of the honorifics that you can write around, especially those of "san" or "kun". Take an example of two characters who are classmates, and both belong to the same club of which one of them is the president. Now, it depends on the context, of course, but there is a high possibility that the president guy will address his classmate as "kun" to express the superiority of his position. Meanwhile, the regular member guy might address the president with the 'familiar' "kun" to express the fact that they are classmates. Both "kuns" mean completely different things, but, I bet, 90% of English readers, even those familiar with anime and stuff, would misinterpret them as meaning the same thing.

Ironically, you can miss the point even further by leaving honorifics in; stuff like "kun" and "san" have like a million different nuances in Japan, and even the biggest weeaboos are usually familiar only with a handful of them. You might be interested in this post here: https://missdream.org/editorials/professional-translation-and-the-american-manga-industry/

Simgirl?

Oooh, well, forget my liberal take, then. "Just look at them, Marimo. Those are your children marching off." should still work, then. I bet there is a better alternative for "just look at them" lurking somewhere in the English dictionary, but I think I'm done taking blind jabs at this line, haha.

Yeah, I assumed it was fantasy setting when I wrote "behold". "Just look at them, Marimo. Those are your children marching off." or "Just look at them, Marimo. Your children are finally marching off." depending on the context. I don't remember the scene, but if it's Yuuko talking, then she, probably, means it partially sarcastically, and considering her 'voice', a more liberal take like this could work better: "Gloat and rejoice; your children are finally marching off, Marimo." 見てご覧なさい is likely used solely for its figurative "feel proud" meaning in here, so the actual action of "look" is redundant. Either way, the original take does indeed look quite lousy; I really hope the whole thing is not tled like that as you'd be losing half of the material there.

Hatsuyuki Sakura

I assume the speaker here is female? Because the の part here mostly serves to give the sentence a feminine voice (masculine would be あんたの子供たちが行くのだ/行っている). It kinda sounds awkward to me though, I wonder if the original line even follows conventional style. As for translation, you can't really do it justice unless you know the full context, 見てご覧なさい might literally mean look, but it also has the nuance of "realize" (it can also be a little bit condescending). The speaker here is suggesting this Marimo person that she should be either proud of her children, or disheartened that it's them who are being sent off to the war (and it also hints that she (Marimo) might be somehow involved with this outcome). From what I have I'd probably translate this line as something like "Marimo, behold... It's your children." if the children are the center of attention and the 行く part only indicates their presence, as in "marching" or whatever. If the important part, however, is not the children themselves, but the fact that they are leaving, then something like "Marimo, behold (ambiguous) / just look at it (positive) / get it into your head (negative, Marimo is in denial); your children (neutral) / it's your children who (emphasizes the children) are leaving (ambiguous, negative) / setting off (their own will, positive)/ being sent off (not their own will, negative)." should work, maybe? Depending on the context a completely liberal take might do the job better. Edit: Is this from Muv-Luv Alternative? I thought someone tled that already.