OELVN Project Violet Hill (DEMO released)

[Helvetica Standard]

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

DEMO V4.5  (Trimmed prologue, a few minor changes) DOWNLOAD BELOW

 

DON'T FORGET TO CHECK OUR WEBSITE FOR REAL-TIME UPDATES AND EXTRA CONTENT!

 

Edited January 18, 2016 by Helvetica Standard
Update 17/01/2016

[krill]

this sounds great i wish i could help some way but frankly i have no means to contribute as i cant find peripherals for my scanner

[Kaguya]

Hey, if you need a beta tester, I'm always available 

[MellowMadman11]

I can help with beta testing and maybe QC as well.

[Krylan]

After reading background of this story I tough it can be really interesting.

Chocolatemilkgod mentioned me about that project when I registered my musician skills in other VN-creation topic.

He got few samples of my works, so if you want, I can try do some tracks for the vn in my free time.

 

If you have still free positions for beta testers, I would gladly take a part in it (for QC in language unfortunately I wouldn't be the best).

 

I can also express some early words of critique to your project basing on screenshots:

1. I think that Ren'py's standard menu is really unaesthetic. It could have better and clearer appearance.

2. I'm not sure, but that font used in this story looked like "comic sans"? In my opinion it's one of the worst choices. That font shouldn't be used in that type of work. Font should be easily readable and nice for eyes.

3. I see, that you are using 3D models as a substitute for sprites. For me in anime inspired works I didn't see place for 3D. Even worse quality 2D will be better than models.

It's of course my opinion, so do not yell at me (I think that this sprites could be re-drew with other, better coloring) 

 

Usually I approach to projects like this with skepticism, but I know, that from this initiatives can come really good work (for close example "Katawa Shoujo"). I'm sure that you will do that good. It's important to work on details and make it looking good, changing everything a hundred times 

 

I will be following your project and for sure I will read it!

I also wish you success.

[Chocolatemilkgod]

Looking forward to seeing people's comments when the demo version download is posted later this week <3.

[Hazel-Bun]

Looks very nice guys you might do well to post this up on the Lemmasoft Forums as well. I'd be happy to help as a QC or maybe for Chibi art. Also, I could ask around to see if I can find a willing GUI artist for you all too.

[Helvetica Standard]

After reading background of this story I tough it can be really interesting.

Chocolatemilkgod mentioned me about that project when I registered my musician skills in other VN-creation topic.

He got few samples of my works, so if you want, I can try do some tracks for the vn in my free time.

 

If you have still free positions for beta testers, I would gladly take a part in it (for QC in language unfortunately I wouldn't be the best).

 

I can also express some early words of critique to your project basing on screenshots:

1. I think that Ren'py's standard menu is really unaesthetic. It could have better and clearer appearance.

2. I'm not sure, but that font used in this story looked like "comic sans"? In my opinion it's one of the worst choices. That font shouldn't be used in that type of work. Font should be easily readable and nice for eyes.

3. I see, that you are using 3D models as a substitute for sprites. For me in anime inspired works I didn't see place for 3D. Even worse quality 2D will be better than models.

It's of course my opinion, so do not yell at me (I think that this sprites could be re-drew with other, better coloring) 

 

Usually I approach to projects like this with skepticism, but I know, that from this initiatives can come really good work (for close example "Katawa Shoujo"). I'm sure that you will do that good. It's important to work on details and make it looking good, changing everything a hundred times 

 

I will be following your project and for sure I will read it!

I also wish you success.

 

Hello :3 And many thanks for your criticism.

 

1. Not sure I follow you here, menu is clearly and purposefully minimalist. Are you suggesting cosmetic changes? I'll try other presentations.

2. Font is NOT "comic sans", it's a modified version of the otf, "Abcissa", please wait for the DEMO so you can actually give the font a good look. We would never use such a slipshod font as "comic sans"

3. We mentioned several times that current character artwork is "placeholder  material" we are currently looking for an artist, if you know of someone, please let us know.

[Helvetica Standard]

Looks very nice guys you might do well to post this up on the Lemmasoft Forums as well. I'd be happy to help as a QC or maybe for Chibi art. Also, I could ask around to see if I can find a willing GUI artist for you all too.

 

We would love to post it over at Lemma. Thanks for the tip, we'll do.

Do you think you can help us with both QC and chibi art? WE'D BE MOST GRATEFUL!!

Can I count you in, then? :3

[Helvetica Standard]

We welcome our newest member:  Hazel-bun

He'll be in charge of chibi art and QC.

 

We're glad to have you! :3

[MellowMadman11]

Looking forward to the demo. In the images you posted the lighting on the characters looks somewhat off to me, but that might be different in the demo.

[Helvetica Standard]

Looking forward to the demo. In the images you posted the lighting on the characters looks somewhat off to me, but that might be different in the demo.

 

thanks for your observations. :3

 

Do you think you'll be available for QC? we still have a slot.

By the way, could you tell me in which image is the lighting odd? this is important since we've already

added lighting filters for characters depending on the time of the day.

[Darklord Rooke]

Is the text just placeholder too? Because if it isn't, it needs a few rounds of revision. It's quite rough, and I cringed a couple of times.

[Helvetica Standard]

Is the text just placeholder too? Because if it isn't, it needs a few rounds of revision. It's quite rough, and I cringed a couple of times.

 

Thanks for your feedback...I guess.

Not sure I understand what you mean. DEMO is not even out and you already know the text structure?

Or you meant the post? if that's it, then you could help our editor with your mad grammar skillz. :3

[Darklord Rooke]

I meant the text in the screenshots.

[Helvetica Standard]

I meant the text in the screenshots.

 

Umm.. screenshots are WIP material, they are bound to change, (read below the "screenshots" header).

Care to join as an editor or QC'er and revise the text yourself? :3

[Darklord Rooke]

I'm a little busy, so only if you're short of people.

 

The unnecessary adjectives you should have no problems clearing up (bottomless perdition?), but that screenshot where it says 'Let's see, where's her number, here it is.' There's description following this sentence right? You just haven't left it there, have you? You know that this doesn't work as a sentence on its own? Because it's the sort of stuff which makes me put books/VNs down.

 

You're going to have to completely rewrite that, and add a paragraph or two of text, depending.

[Helvetica Standard]

Link to DEMO will be posted tomorrow.

Many thanks for your support!

[Ashadow700]

Sounds pretty cool. I'll keep an eye on this.

 

I have a question by the way; have you any plans on including voice acting?

[Helvetica Standard]

Sounds pretty cool. I'll keep an eye on this.

 

I have a question by the way; have you any plans on including voice acting?

 

Many thanks for your support!

Sadly, no. There are currently no plans to include voice acting.

[Helvetica Standard]

Link to DEMO is available!

 

It covers both the prologue and chapter 1

 

Many thanks for your support, we're looking forward to your feedback!

 

https://www.dropbox.com/s/2n35789ewhvzwwn/Violet%20Hill%20DEMO-2.0-win.rar

 

DEMO length is about 1-2 hours depending on reading speed.

[Helvetica Standard]

We welcome our newest member:  Kaguya.

Who will be in charge of Beta testing.

 

Welcome aboard! :3

[Supah Kawaii Weeaboo]

After just a few minutes of reading, I noticed a problem: purple prose. In other words, there were quite a few instances of needlessly complex words and phrases. Unless you're dealing with a character who's pretentious and intentionally irritating, it's probably best to avoid it. That said, here are four resources on this problem:

 

* The Advanced Edit: Purple prose: What it is and how to avoid it.

* The Write Practice: How to Know If Your Prose Is Purple.

* An article from Fiction Writers Mentor.

* TVTropes entry on this topic.

[Chocolatemilkgod]

After just a few minutes of reading, I noticed a problem: purple prose. In other words, there were quite a few instances of needlessly complex words and phrases. Unless you're dealing with a character who's pretentious and intentionally irritating, it's probably best to avoid it. That said, here are four resources on this problem:

 

* The Advanced Edit: Purple prose: What it is and how to avoid it.

* The Write Practice: How to Know If Your Prose Is Purple.

* An article from Fiction Writers Mentor.

* TVTropes entry on this topic.

Yeah... that's sort of my fault. I hadn't really edited anything before then so the beginning part (~300 lines?) is in need of some QC (well, the whole thing could use a bit of polish, but that part in particular). It should hopefully clear up after that, though... at least I thought it did when I read back over it, haha. Anyway, thanks for the feedback! Tell us what you think about the rest of it after the starting bit.

[Darklord Rooke]

Yeah... that's sort of my fault. I hadn't really edited anything before then so the beginning part (~300 lines?) is in need of some QC (well, the whole thing could use a bit of polish, but that part in particular). It should hopefully clear up after that, though... at least I thought it did when I read back over it, haha. Anyway, thanks for the feedback! Tell us what you think about the rest of it after the starting bit.

 

You guys should have edited it before it was released for public feedback, because showing unedited draft work doesn't get people excited about your game. I'm going to wait for the editing process to be finished before I give the game a try. There's redundant language littered all the way through the screenshots posted here and on the erogegames forum (1st screenshot above, 3rd screenshot erogegames forum, for example) not to mention the third screenshot above makes me scared there'll be 'talking head' syndrome all the way through your VN (your character recognised the need to search for an item, then started and finished the search without any description of the search process.) Your prose is forced and doesn't flow naturally, which constantly jolts me out of the story. This is what I'm getting looking through your screenshots.

 

I'm a big supporter of the OELVN industry, but I have certain standards the writing must meet before I read it. And your VN doesn't meet it yet. Therefore, as the head-editor you have some work ahead of you. *Cracks whip* Mush!