What are the qualities that you look for in your future wife/husband?

[MikeY91]

Yeah Yeah why a serious topic now you say? well i am just curious what you guys think

So whether you are thinking about marriage now or you are too young to bother thinking about it, what do you mainly look for in your future spouse? if you are married you can still share your horrors or regrets lol (unless your spouse is also on this forum...then run away from here before it is too late).

i will start with myself, as of now i don't have any plans to get married, what i mainly look for in wife is obviously whether she is a person i can trust or not, and i emphasize on the trust part, cuz i am a person who has a really hard time trusting others, but if i trust a person, i would do everything for them with absolutely no regrets, however i do have a strict criteria for those whom i can call trustworthy, in fact there are only very few people in my life whom i could call them that. Furthermore, and this may also fall under the 'trustworthy' criteria, my future wife shouldn't be a person who lies, there is nothing that irritates me more than lying, when a person lies to me it feels as if they are just spitting on my face, it just means that this person has absolutely no respect for me whatsoever to the point that they shamelessly lie right to my face (and thinking that i believed them). of course i am aware that everyone lies sometimes, but there is just a certain time where you have to be honest no matter how tough the situation is.

So a trustworthy wife who doesn't have the habit of lying, i can't really ask for more, of course it would be a plus if she was attractive, i mean i would be lying to say that i completely don't care about appearance, i mainly emphasize on the woman who takes care of her body (exercise, diet, hygiene etc. 

well to summarize, some would think a person like that wouldn't be too hard to find, but again like i said i have this strict criteria of whom can be considered trustworthy, the reason i am very strict about that, is because if i felt that i had been betrayed by someone and it really got to me, i can never look at them in the same way anymore, even if we were very close to each other, sometimes one incident that hits me deep can be enough to make that person a stranger in my eyes, now i am aware that this is not a good way of thinking, but the only thing i am gonna say is that i don't control that, it just happens. and when it does, my relationship with that person will mostly come to an end, again i know people make mistakes, but if i had reached that level of feeling 'betrayed' 90% of the time there is no going back.

So i guess i would say that my deepest fear is that i will get married and truly love my wife, then she does something terrible that triggers those feelings for me, i always imagine that scenario in my mind, and i wonder about how i am gonna spend the rest of my life with a person whom suddenly had become a stranger for me.

anyway, Gomen'nasai for writing too much . let me know what you think !

 

[Nosebleed]

I'm a simple person, my standards are more like "Are they a real, sentient human being?".  

[Kaguya]

They need to be super pretty, of course.

Also, slave-like obedience when it comes to me. Worth mentioning that I don't care about gender.

I described my perfect partner in depth several times already, but those 2 are the most important. As long as they fit that, I'd take just about anyone. There's a lot more that I'd like, though.

 

[Nashetania]

Loyalty.

[MikeY91]

I'm a simple person, my standards are more like "Are they a real, sentient human being?".  

i guess that sums everything up

They need to be super pretty, of course.

Also, slave-like obedience when it comes to me. Worth mentioning that I don't care about gender.

I described my perfect partner in depth several times already, but those 2 are the most important. As long as they fit that, I'd take just about anyone. There's a lot more that I'd like, though.

 

lol are you a sadist ?

[mjriedstra]

Hmm, let's see.

1) Intelligent, interesting and trustworthy

2) Must enjoy random conversations about all kinds of things — science, world events, books, shows and games, the meaning of life, whatever

3) Attractive by my personal standard (it doesn't matter whether anyone else thinks they're attractive)

4) Has hobbies of her own that take up roughly as much of her time as my hobbies take of mine, so that we're able to do things together, but also do things apart

When I first started out in the world of relationships, I didn't think this list would be that hard to fulfill. After quite a few failures since, it turns out I was wrong, or else I'm not capable of recognizing when someone actually has these qualities and is available. Still, I don't really want to reduce the list and end up in a relationship where neither of us is satisfied.

[Yuuko]

It's hard to marry my sister  

[Kawasumi]

Interest in philosophy and art is pretty important.

Other than that im fairly capable of adjusting according to the relationship that I have, I have also fallen in love with all sort of different people, but I need someone that is somewhat snarky but caring.

also being into S/M play is definitely a plus

[MikeY91]

Hmm, let's see.

1) Intelligent, interesting and trustworthy

2) Must enjoy random conversations about all kinds of things — science, world events, books, shows and games, the meaning of life, whatever

3) Attractive by my personal standard (it doesn't matter whether anyone else thinks they're attractive)

4) Has hobbies of her own that take up roughly as much of her time as my hobbies take of mine, so that we're able to do things together, but also do things apart

When I first started out in the world of relationships, I didn't think this list would be that hard to fulfill. After quite a few failures since, it turns out I was wrong, or else I'm not capable of recognizing when someone actually has these qualities and is available. Still, I don't really want to reduce the list and end up in a relationship where neither of us is satisfied.

Nice, i  can tell you it gets pretty hard to find the person you are looking for, but at least you don't require something too specific. I know some girls who had some really tough requirements for their future husbands, over the years they just gave up and got married to someone who didn't even fit their minimum requirements lol  

not to sound too negative, but i hope you find your other half.

It's hard to marry my sister  

well, that escalated quickly.

Interest in philosophy and art is pretty important.

Other than that im fairly capable of adjusting according to the relationship that I have, I have also fallen in love with all sort of different people, but I need someone that is somewhat snarky but caring.

also being into S/M play is definitely a plus

cool, good like finding a girl who is interested in art and philosophy.

who is also a masochist.

[Tyrael]

1) She should be older than me

2) Must have a 'mature' outlook on life, ready to settle down (out of the party phase etc, ...)

3) Kind, caring and consequently willing to forgive my (glaring) faults

4) Must be intelligent and able to keep up with me when it comes to conversations about politics and the like

5) Is a busy person (so we don't spend THAT much time together since I'd make her go insane in no time if this was the case)

 

Tbh, I really just want someone that loves me, anything more is just a bonus.

[TexasDice]

Either one works:

1.) Bossy, forceful and concerned enough about my well being to kick my lazy ass into shape. (aka, save me)

2.) Inept and unable to survive without help, forcing me to become a dependable human being by my own. (aka, trigger my white knight)

 

Otherwise, I'll continue to travel down the road of being a lone and grumpy cynic for the rest of my life. 

[AaronIsCrunchy]

I'm engaged at the moment, so I guess... her.

[Chronopolis]

Hmm, let's see.

1) Intelligent, interesting and trustworthy

2) Must enjoy random conversations about all kinds of things — science, world events, books, shows and games, the meaning of life, whatever

3) Attractive by my personal standard (it doesn't matter whether anyone else thinks they're attractive)

4) Has hobbies of her own that take up roughly as much of her time as my hobbies take of mine, so that we're able to do things together, but also do things apart

When I first started out in the world of relationships, I didn't think this list would be that hard to fulfill. After quite a few failures since, it turns out I was wrong, or else I'm not capable of recognizing when someone actually has these qualities and is available. Still, I don't really want to reduce the list and end up in a relationship where neither of us is satisfied.

I'm something like that, except I might relax  2), we don't need to be able to talk about everything, but the person hopefully needs to be on a similar wavelength as me. At least a bit unsure, and open about life. Just accepting, appreciating, caring for, and walking together as people.

[Cyrillej1]

For me, the important/necessary traits needed in a partner:

-genuine, good-hearted nature, responsible, trustworthy, cares to treat others well.

-rational, and can keep my mind stimulated with interesting or fun topics/conversations.

-complimentary/similar communication style, able to resolve conflicts through talking things out peacefully.

-introspective, strives for understanding and can be flexible (knows how to compromise when needed).

-good hygiene (I was thinking of putting this in 2nd list... but being clean is really important, lol. It can be instant turn-off if I can't stand being around them due to smell, or w/e).

Usually, when I sense a person has all these important traits to some degree, my mind opens up the possibility of seeing them as future longterm partners.

 

And these traits are a plus, though not always needed.  It would help with the attraction and make things progress more smoothly:

-nerdy, into similar hobbies as me, and enjoy doing them together.

-romantic, verbally expressive.

-introvert, good listener.

-non-religious since it'd help have similar values/understanding of the world.

-good-looking

If someone has a couple of these traits along with the important ones... super high chance I'll be hooked. xD

[Kaguya]

They need to be super pretty, of course.

Also, slave-like obedience when it comes to me. Worth mentioning that I don't care about gender.

I described my perfect partner in depth several times already, but those 2 are the most important. As long as they fit that, I'd take just about anyone. There's a lot more that I'd like, though.

 

lol are you a sadist ?

I am, actually. My fetishes go as far as death, though I (obviously) haven't tried anything close to it IRL.

 

Not asking for that because I'm a sadist, though. If I were interested in sex, it's much easier to ask for a masochist. Much easier to find, too.

Just can't see myself settling down for anything less than that.

 

...Well, actually, I can. I'd marry someone super rich in a heartbeat, regardless of their personality or preferences.

[MikeY91]

Either one works:

1.) Bossy, forceful and concerned enough about my well being to kick my lazy ass into shape. (aka, save me)

2.) Inept and unable to survive without help, forcing me to become a dependable human being by my own. (aka, trigger my white knight)

 

Otherwise, I'll continue to travel down the road of being a lone and grumpy cynic for the rest of my life. 

Woaah i am very similar ! it's like you just wrote down my own thoughts ! lol

I'm engaged at the moment, so I guess... her.

good to hear ! hope you both find happiness together

[MikeY91]

I am, actually. My fetishes go as far as death, though I (obviously) haven't tried anything close to it IRL.

 

Not asking for that because I'm a sadist, though. If I were interested in sex, it's much easier to ask for a masochist. Much easier to find, too.

Just can't see myself settling down for anything less than that.

 

...Well, actually, I can. I'd marry someone super rich in a heartbeat, regardless of their personality or preferences.

To be honest i do have some fetishes too, but those are my preferences just when i am reading vns or watching porn lol

i haven't really applied those in real life, i do like watching S&M sometimes, but to be honest i would never do that with my wife, even if it is just an act i feel like i am humiliating her that way, but that's really just my opinion

[CeruleanGamer]

Here's my specific criteria. Luckily I have a bf who fits 5 of these already and slightly working better towards 1. 

1. I prefer to be the dominant one in the relationship. So all the decision making and financial obligations should fall onto me. I like taking responsibility because I like to be in control in case something fucks up.

2. Someone who has passion for video games and all other nerdy stuff. If you can't give me names of 100 different video games you played, then you're not my type. 

3. I'm fine with a dishonest husband as long as it won't hurt our relationship. Sometimes white lies cover up unnecessary garbage I don't want to hear and makes me focus on things that need higher priority. 

4. A stud in bed who knows how to do foreplay and please me. I love NTR but I hope I won't have to resort to it in real life because I'm bored with my significant other already. 

5 Someone who knows what's going on with the world - news, politics, internet memes, etc. If I bring up something, he should have an idea what I'm talking about so he and I don't look stupid. 

6. Agnostic/Atheist. I don't want you preaching morals and God with me. I don't believe in spiritual things. I am the master and weaver of my own destiny and fate. 

Edited October 26, 2015 by CeruleanGamer

[Kaguya]

I am, actually. My fetishes go as far as death, though I (obviously) haven't tried anything close to it IRL.

 

Not asking for that because I'm a sadist, though. If I were interested in sex, it's much easier to ask for a masochist. Much easier to find, too.

Just can't see myself settling down for anything less than that.

 

...Well, actually, I can. I'd marry someone super rich in a heartbeat, regardless of their personality or preferences.

To be honest i do have some fetishes too, but those are my preferences just when i am reading vns or watching porn lol

i haven't really applied those in real life, i do like watching S&M sometimes, but to be honest i would never do that with my wife, even if it is just an act i feel like i am humiliating her that way, but that's really just my opinion

Well, of course. Isn't the whole point of it humiliating them? 

[MikeY91]

Here's my specific criteria. Luckily I have a bf who fits 4 of these already and slightly working better towards 1. 

1. I prefer to be the dominant one in the relationship. So all the decision making and financial obligations should fall onto me. I like taking responsibility because I like to be in control in case something fucks up.

Lmao for some reason i was expecting you to say that, i was right

3. I'm fine with a dishonest husband as long as it won't hurt our relationship. Sometimes white lies cover up unnecessary garbage I don't want to hear and makes me focus on things that need higher priority. 

you and i are very different then lol although i do agree that sometimes 'white lies' can be beneficial, only in certain circumstances though. overall i would rather a wife who is very honest, i can't stand those who lie.

[MikeY91]

Well, of course. Isn't the whole point of it humiliating them? 

loool but that's also my point, i would rather not humiliate my wife, but i understand your point of view.

[Deep Blue]

Loyalty.

pretty much this, you can have the most intelligent, pretty, that enjoys video games, visual novels, etc etc but that is going to screw you up and leave you the minute that something goes wrong, let it be a money problem, health, etc etc (something important) then everything else doesnt matter and that person is not worth it and sadly most of the people out there are like that... when things get tough everyone leaves that's the human nature i guess 

Edited October 26, 2015 by Deep Blue

[CeruleanGamer]

 

3. I'm fine with a dishonest husband as long as it won't hurt our relationship. Sometimes white lies cover up unnecessary garbage I don't want to hear and makes me focus on things that need higher priority. 

you and i are very different then lol although i do agree that sometimes 'white lies' can be beneficial, only in certain circumstances though. overall i would rather a wife who is very honest, i can't stand those who lie.

I am a psych major and studied a fair bit of female psychology. From what I learned, women tend to get easily distracted and emotionally aggravated by the truth way more than men if it's something they don't want to hear. Study also proves women easily get into depression way more than men. I don't want to have to deal with this as I am a busy woman and the last thing I need is dealing with baggage I didn't even cause. We live in a world where so many outside sources can cause stress and worry and the last thing I need is to constantly abuse my mental health with things that are probably better left unsaid.

As long as the lie doesn't lead to divorce and we are both still happy in the end, I am fine with lies, white ones or not.

Edited October 26, 2015 by CeruleanGamer

[MikeY91]

I am a psych major and studied a fair bit of female psychology. From what I learned, women tend to get easily distracted and emotionally aggravated by the truth way more than men if it's something they don't want to hear. Study also proves women easily get into depression way more than men. I don't want to have to deal with this as I am a busy woman and the last thing I need is dealing with baggage I didn't even cause. We live in a world where so many outside sources can cause stress and worry and the last thing I need is to constantly abuse my mental health with things that are probably better left unsaid.

As long as the lie doesn't lead to divorce and we are both still happy in the end, I am fine with lies, white ones or not.

I can't argue with you there about not wanting to stress yourself over lies and stuff like that, which is why for me i would rather be with a truthful person from the start in order to avoid that stress in the first place, but i get your point.

[Zalor]

I look for three simple attributes, but the importance I stress on them varies. 

1) I find them physically attractive. They don't have to be a model by any means. But I want to enjoy looking at them. This is a requirement. However, if a girl exceeds in the other two attributes I looks for, I become more lenient on her beauty.

2) Intelligent, and on my wave-length. By intelligent, I really just mean not stupid and/or ignorant. And by on my wave-length, I mean we think on the same level. Basically, I want to be able to have good conversations with her.  

3) Nice. So long as she is sympathetic and empathetic for others (including me), then she passes that test. I don't want a misanthrope for a girl friend, and definitely not for a wife.