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  1. DEMO V4.5 (Trimmed prologue, a few minor changes) DOWNLOAD BELOW DON'T FORGET TO CHECK OUR WEBSITE FOR REAL-TIME UPDATES AND EXTRA CONTENT!
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  2. My favorite genre, as most of you probably know, is chuuni. Chuuni is a genre where the protagonist is generally at the center of events, able to effect those events, and the story is generally filled with melodramatic plot and spoken lines, meant to be taken absolutely seriously. An example of chuuni anime, for example, would be Fate/Zero or Code Geass (to give you an idea of what to look for). Chuuni comes from the word 'chuunibyou', which is a common stage of development for teenagers, when they desperately want to believe they are more than they are and sometimes even convince themselves they are more than they are. Many people who get addicted to fantasy and science fiction tend to get addicted during this stage of their lives, and it is also a stage of life that people generally look back on with embarrassment once they get over it. This is the reason why the Japanese stuck 'byou' onto the end of the word, which has the same kanji as the one for disease, lol. For those who simply enjoy fantasy and melodrama for the wild ride it can give, chuuni is pretty much the ultimate genre. Chuuni also tends to tackle philosophical issues that get left by the roadside as people mature, simply because people start thinking that it is somehow embarrassing or pretentious to consider such issues as if they were the first person to do so ever. Not to mention that many of the best writers in the otaku industry write chuuni VNs, light novels, and manga. This is because it is a genre, similar to the ero genre, which simply has none of the limits that other genres tend to put on themselves. That said, here I am going to put down a list of chuuni VNs, both translated and untranslated, for the reference of fanboys. Translated Muv-luv Alternative Fate/stay Night Tsukihime Comyu (partly translated) Eien no Aselia Yumina Kagetsu Tooya Phantom of Inferno Demonbane G-Senjou no Maou (yes, it is chuuni, and even though I don't personally like this game, it is nonetheless a technically good game) Sharin no Kuni Sekien no Inganock Rewrite (yes, it is chuuni... it was deliberately written to be chuuni) Umineko no Naku Koro ni Higurashi no Naku Koro ni Shikkoku no Sharnoth Soul Link Grisaia no Kajitsu Cross Channel Koihime Musou Ayakashibito Understand, I'm mostly listing all of these to give you a sense of just how wide the chuuni genre is. While games like Comyu, Tsukihime, and FSN are most commonly labeled as such, games such as Sharin no Kuni and G-Senjou can be included for their degrees of melodrama, complex plot twists and turn-arounds, and attempts at hedge philosophy. This should also tell you that a lot of translators are hidden chuuni fans, to one degree or another. If nothing else, chuuni games are full of content that is well-considered and thought out, which tends to attract those with the passion and interest for translation. To an extent, games like Hoshizora no Memoria also have chuuni elements, albeit not strongly enough to consider them primarily as chuuni games. Untranslated Evolimit Bullet Butlers Chrono Belt Devils Devel Concept Dies Irae Draculius Eden* Abyss- Homicide Club Futagoza no Paradox Hapymaher Ikusa Megami Zero Jingai Makyou Sinclient Ruitomo Soukoku no Arterial Soukou Akki Muramasa Sousei Kitan Aerial Tiny Dungeon (entire series) Tokyo Babel (non-ero, for those who prefer things that way) Vermillion Bind of Blood Yurikago Yori Tenshi made Bloody Rondo Boku ga Tenshi ni Natta Wake (avoid this if you are scared of utsuge) Danzai no Maria Electro Arms Gleam Garden no Shoujo Gekkou no Carnevale Gurenka Hello,good-bye Legend Seven Owaru Sekai to Birthday Para-sol Shinigami no Testament Shinjisougeki Carnival Shuumatsu Shoujo Gensou Alicematic Soranica Ele '&' Sora no Mukou de Sakimasu you ni Trouble@Vampire Tsubasa wo Kudasai Bloody Call Gensou no Idea Shin Koihime Musou ExE Gothic Delusion Fortissimo (every version) Heliotrope - Sora wa Shi ni Itaru Kami no Ai (this one is both an utsuge and has a sort-of hetare protag, so it is an acquired taste) Innocent Bullet Jesus 13th Kajiri Kamui Kagura Kouyoku no Soleil Noel Secret Game/Killer Queen (the entire series) Seinarukana (Aselia sequel) 11eyes Shoujo Shin'iki 3 Days Tokeijikake no Leyline Yatohime Zankikou Zero Infinity Izuna Zanshinken 8/13/2014 edit Hello, Lady Bradyon Veda Soushuu Senshinkan Gakuen Hachimyoujin Houkago no Futekikakusha There are a few genres that chuuni is almost completely incompatible with, such as 'original' or pure moege, but to make a good story, with decent drama, it is almost impossible to avoid putting something with chuuni elements in it. The truest sign of chuuni influence is melodrama, after all. Even the nakige genre has chuuni influences, as can be seen in Clannad and Air, (the reincarnation issues in Air, and the general melodramatic emotion-pulling that made Clannad so popular). For the fun of it, try picking up chuuni elements in your favorite anime and video games. Don't bother with jrpgs though, since those things are mostly straight chuuni, lol.
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  3. Tay

    Kanon Day!

    So sad I missed this! Maybe we should go through our favorite games and put their starting dates on the Fuwanovel calendar? That way we can celebrate all our favorite games.
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  4. Tay

    Violet Hill (DEMO released)

    Here are the rest of my impressions from the demo. Specific thoughts Looping sound effects are often grating. Longer effect loops with lower volumes will help. For things like this, or adding more lines to dialog boxes (with auto-fitting/scaling, etc.) you can find tutorials on lemmasoft or in the Ren’py support documents. A chronic issue in the demo was the need for less telling and more showing. When you talk about the mindstorm being overwhelming, we’re informed of the fact but not introduced to the sounds and sights and memories which are actually overloading the narrator. Instead of telling us (the readers) that the character is overwhelmed by the details, we (the readers) need to ourselves be overwhelmed by it! A random example from the start: show us why the memory is overwhelming (ex: “The memories are too real and there’s too much to them. It’s too much to remember every raindrop falling on my coat. It’s too much to remember the number of ripples racing across the puddle under my feet. My senses strain and buckle under the load of the perfect memory. // The sound of the rain becomes a roar as my vision goes white. I can’t process it all. The memories are too many, too perfect…”) Another example of telling and not giving us more (or showing): “That piece of writing was key in defining who I am now.” These statements could be expanded upon to give real narrative depth, insight into the narrator. Right now they’re all over the place, which means there’s a lot of chances to make the story even better. Add more sentences to each dialog box (more sentences per click). (Last time I bring this one up, promise!) “And just like that, it’s over.” <-- Stop the sound effects at this screen. The rain effect goes on too long. THE INTRO MOVIE IS AWESOME!!! What is the sound effect which kicks in post-intro movie? It sounds like rustling and it’s endlessly looping. It sounds very distracting. Is it the sound of rain on the roof? Keeping the narrator’s name “???” for a while at the start of the game was an interesting choice. Why did you decide to do it that way? The phone conversation early in the game is stiff and could probably be cut in half with editing. Make sure the Kyousuke’s personality is firm before finalizing the dialog: right now I can’t tell what he’s like (he’s simultaneously friendly-abusive, friendly-caring, and extremely formal). This is further complicated by Aoki calling him a “cretin”, etc. Make their relationship ultra-clear from the get-go. Why is the word “Mindstorm” in quotes in much of the early dialog? You already introduced it to us at the start. Now it’s a proper noun and plot point which we know about, so it can be left on its own. (Update: all of a sudden the quotes went away. Maybe it just needs to be edited out of the earlier lines) The music is very nice! (except maybe for the overly carnival like parts : )) Aoki’s voice is hard to track. Is there a reason his lines are stiff? “Why are you at the mercy of this downpour?”, the line about an “auspicious occasion” to recite a poem, etc. I think I’m starting to understand your use of quotes. “Mindstorm”. “Masterkey”. You use quotes to highlight your fiction’s jargon, right? I think you might be better served by making them a different color (PURPLE!!) than putting them in quotes. The explanatory sequences – where the backgrounds dim and text is centered – are very helpful. If anything, use more of them so you don’t feel the need to sneak worldbuilding into the dialog (where it comes across as out-of-place). I liked having a sound effect announce the decision points. Very nice touch! I’d suggest cleaning up the UI a little when you use character portraits next to their dialog. Right now the face images are layered transparently over the “Violet Hill” image on the far-left. AaAH! My ears! Have that ringing/screeching sound effect fade in and out (a few times if absolutely necessary – don’t let it loop. : ) I almost died, there.), having it ring continuously made me want to furiously click through the dialog until it stopped. Sasaski’s dialog was a little hard for me to swallow (thankfully she gets great music). It was often awkwardly formal (and not in an in-character sort of way) (ex: “That’s right young sir, you could tell?”, followed by a lot of informal language, like “Umm…” etc.). I know this is done purposefully (you have a line pointing this out: “She’s acting strange… now she’s suddenly informal.”), but it doesn’t come across that way yet. If the dialog is tightened up (and grammar fixed), you could show her insecurity without needing to point it out. (… but, really, kill the “young sir” line. She’s young herself, and other polite references would work just as well in the situation) The characterization confusion continues later with phrasings like “Eh? But prez!” Aoki’s conversation with Sasaki was confusing. He’s warm, friendly, making a friend. That grates with the antisocial, conflicted Aoki who called the friend encouraging him to be social a “cretin”. Minamoto’s music really grew on me. It’s great for her early characterization. Will it change as we get to know her better? The switching of the art club presidency was odd. Do it later in the game (such as after Aoki manages to get Kanade in). It really doesn’t make coming at this point (and the line from Minamoto, “There’s no one more capable than you.” was out of place, out of character, and very odd). Minamoto has reasons for saying so (which makes the comment seem less out of place in retrospect), but the timing is off. Later in the game (even just shortly after), such as in the first club meeting or after Aoki displays his talent to them (or as a reward for getting a 4th member) makes more narrative sense. Overall Impressions: Characterization – Needs to be tightened up. A lot. I’d suggest working extra hard to find each character’s personality and voice, and then redrafting the dialog to be consistent with the characters. Of all the characters, Minamoto was done best, but even she needs a lot of work in the second half of the demo. She keeps a relatively stable personality across most of the first half of the story up until the phone call to her late at night (which had a lot of promise, but her characterization quickly got loose and out of hand. I liked having her show excitement (read: more than a cool/cryptic side), but she quickly started speaking in ways outside the personality you’d developed for her. That phone call marked the point of change away from her solid personality). Intro Movie – Extremely good. I’d use it as quickly as possible, in fact. The intro to the Mindstorm is a good idea (but it should be made much shorter and more concise and more vivid (show not tell!)), but it should be notable and quick and quickly lead to the movie. The movie is so good that it promises a quality product. It may make up for a slightly cryptic intro and keep the reader going. Dialog – Stiff, verbose but promising. If it was redrafted to be consistent with personalities and the grammar was cleaned up, I’d say it would come across much better. Also, I think you could cut all the conversations in half by making them concise and clear, and the game would really benefit from it. Sound effects – need to be volume-adjusted, and many need their loops to be adjusted. Also, some are confusing. Pacing – Slow it down. Introduce the major characters before introducing the first plot problem (art club members). Right now the narrative feels washed out: Meet girl A, meet girl B, art club, need one more girl, meet girl C, assume girl C will be the fourth member = easy solution, etc.. And, if I haven’t already said it enough, SHOW NOT TELL! You’ve got an interesting cast of characters. As a reader, I don’t want to be informed about plot developments, I want to watch them. Also, that’ll give you more opportunities to concisely and creatively reveal characters (as opposed to the voice of Aoki/God simply instructing us). I’ll look forward to seeing more of the game. Good luck, you can do it!
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  5. Tay

    Violet Hill (DEMO released)

    (I'm only just getting to this post. Sorry for the delay.) Let me preface this by saying that I've done a lot of writing and have taught a few writing classes, and so my critiques are coming as a fellow writer, and not necessarily just as a reader. I tried to include helpful criticism (such as my immediate technical difficulties and my impressions as a reader after the first 60 seconds of starting the game (post-disclaimers)). These have always been useful metrics for me as a writer, and I hope they'll be useful to you. I won't have time to finish the full demo right this minute, but I'll post again with my overall thoughts once I've finished the demo. In any case, I'm looking forward to following your project! Tested on Win7 desktop and Win8 Surface Pro 2. Technical problem right away: When I first booted up the program the game window opened up to a size of 1920x1080p. That meant that most of the game was skewed off screen, and it took me a second to realize that I could resize the window to my liking. I mention this because Ren’py has some cool functions to set a default window size when a user first opens the program. My suggestion would be to choose a smaller default window size and include a note during an intro sequence that the window can be resized. (the 1920x1080p window size was linked to my PC's resolution) Technical suggestion: Include the ability to resize text. On some monitors – like my Surface 2 Pro tablet/computer – the text is extremely small and hard to read. A lot of VNers are playing VNs on PC tablets these days. First 60 seconds impressions The title screen is beautiful. The dripping sound effect would sound better if the individual drip sounds were spread much further apart. It rapidly got annoying (for lack of a better word). In the first 60 seconds I was introduced to what will be a key narrative plot point: the “mindstorm” (good!), but its description was convoluted and I have no idea why it's important or where this story is going (not so good). In other words: The writing didn’t offer an immediate hook and failed to grip me. Sentences felt convoluted most of the time and need a lot of editing for grammar. That said, it was accentuated with a few fantastic and insightful sentences (ex: “I’m afraid to be alone with myself.”) <-- These sorts of sentences are vivid, use active voice, and were insightful into the character. Sentence spacing (or whatever term you want to use for how many sentences appear per-click) was distracting. I think every sentence of my 60-second-impression required its own click and stood naked on its own dialog screen. A lot of the sentences would be better if grouped together (one example would be: “Not because of any foreign feeling or my warped awareness, but because there is nowhere [for me] to go. I cannot hide from myself.” <--- Note, I fixed some grammar in that example.) If I were to guess what the rest of the game will be like based on my first 60 seconds: I’d guess: It’ll have an interesting but depressing plot focused around the psychological phenomenon “mindstorm”. The writing will be serviceable but will need a lot of grammar revision. The protagonist will be a psychologically frayed. Reading that over, I know it sounds critical. I'll post as soon as I can finish the demo about my overall impressions. I hope you'll put my suggestions aside and focus on the metrics I provided: the "If I were to guess what the rest of the game will be like based on my first 60 seconds" section at the end has always helped me as a writer. EDIT: Also, I was trying to post a comment on your website and the wordpress login is very strange. Could you fix it to accept wordpress users, and not just wordpress.com blogs?
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  6. Detailed character art, examples of tachie, and a more detailed outline of the story and characters. I could come up with better than that in ten minutes.
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  7. The issue is, there's no point in shitting over anime that never even tried to be deep/mature/whatever. There are tons of anime that tried to rip off Evangelion. Most of them failed miserably and were indeed crap. However, how can you attack something like Nobunagun (for example) under the pretext that the plot is stupid when it's the whole point of the show: bringing you entertainment, nice fights, etc? Anime is a visual medium, and as such a good anime doesn't necessarily have to tackle deep themes and philosophical issues. Giving you thrills is way enough. The kind of anime you're looking for keeps being produced. Every year or every two years there will be one. That's about how often an industry this size can pull out a masterpiece of that kind, and for each of those, tons of other anime will try to be that and will be crap. If that's not enough, you can look for it in other media. However, anime doesn't sum up to only that. There are tons of shows that never try to do that, instead trying to convey fun, entertainment, thrills, relaxation, emotions. And guess what? Several of them do it successfully. Watching those expecting deep/mature stuff and calling it crap because you didn't get what could never have been there is ruining your own pleasure. tl;dr, know what to expect of an anime before watching it, and don't complain that things never meant to be there, aren't there.
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  8. If you are still in contact with him, tell him to add a loli character His artstyle is cute and would work perfectly with lolis
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  9. I understand it's tough. I hope he can manage something. I'm eager to know what this novel is about. I'll check for updates sometime.
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  10. Hehe, that's a nice indiegogo you have there... It would be a shame if someone made 1000 $1 donations and made you write all those emails...
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  11. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5z3hb93BZnI Pretty much my thoughts. I hate where the anime industry is going now...
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  12. My only problem with your definition is that it produces a genre so large that it becomes almost meaningless. For example, you include Trouble @Vampire up there. But the main character in that game isn't really at the heart of things. His 'specialness' doesn't drive the story, any more than the MC's specialness in your average moeblob game. At the same time, you don't include Aiyoku no Eustia - a game almost pure chuuni. Both include melodrama and fighting and stuff, but the focus is very different The heart of the Chuuni genre is "Screw you ordinary guys, I'm special!" It needs to feature a seemingly or formerly ordinary guy that is actually special, and his specialness needs to be a driving factor in the storyline. Without that, you've just got a typical shonen/seinen story with fighting. Would you consider something like Hunter x Hunter to be chuuni? Aaaand this, I've really got to disagree with. I find that most chuuni games, including almost all on your lists, tend to be very shallow when it comes to philosophy. Sure, it may mention issues that adults tend to no longer consider, but they get no serious treatment. Take the classic ethic dilemma of the runaway trolley - Do you kill one, or allow 5 to die? There is no right or wrong answer, it is the reasoning behind the final choice that is meaningful. But in chuuni, the answer is "I awaken my sleeping powers and save everyone!!!" The reason chuuni type stories work is because they ARE fun - you get to be someone special, the world does reolve around you, and you do win the girl/save the world/beat the baddie. I just think that applying the term so broadly makes it hard to use in any meanful fashion (chuuni in Air? Really?)
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  13. For mangakas : (I need to catch up on most of these guy's recent work though.) Definitely Naoki Urasawa, I've considered him my favorite manga artist for over a decade now. Azuma Kiyohiko. I really enjoyed the Azumanga Daioh manga, and Yotsubato! is one of my favorites. Azumanga Recycle was pretty hilarious as well. Tsutomu Takahashi. Dark and mature mangas, I especialy enjoyed Skyhigh and Blue Heaven. Tsutomu Nihei. It mostly about the backgrounds. Amazing gorgeous yet bleak futuristic megastructures. Masakazu Katsura. I've loved his work since I was in high school. Especialy I''s, it was one of the first manga series I read in its entirety and it was amazing. His bishoujos are the best. Kentaro Miura. What can I say? I love berserk, I own most of what is currently published in french. Honorable mention to Eiji Nonaka for his comedy genius with Cromartie High School. As for illustrators, I guess I'll make another post later.
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  14. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!! But anyways My 3 fav girls are Miyako,Tsubame,Seiso.
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  15. Currently playing Ai's route in Tsujidou-san no Junai Road.
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  16. Yo, seems that you're from the group of people that registered because of the Majikoi translation thread. Nice to meet you.
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