EldritchCherub

Corrections, suggestions and other miscellaneous comments are contained within the word document. I feel the story is pretty self-explanatory so a summary would just be redundant. If you have any questions or want to talk more about your story feel free to leave a comment on this thread. Things to look out for are more descriptions of the inside of the spaceship, imagery, tense shifts near the end of the story, and some minor formatting issues with the story. I liked the camaraderie portrayed in the story and the use of social stratification to show what it meant to live in this world. The elusive nature of the Reapers was interesting and remained the focal point throughout the story. The enormity of the secret comes through to a certain extent, but if this is a standalone story I would suggest planting more hints throughout the story so that the reader can decipher the true identity behind the Reapers in the story. The setting needs some more work and I would have also liked to see the protagonist react and interact more with the environment. Thanks for sharing! https://mega.co.nz/#!ZUcXjCqZ!iFFj4AFNBwbhUyBadPbigw2p79WKOcY1Hadzi7I25Kk

I'm pretty shy about my writing. Like I like thinking of concepts for stories, images/scenes to depict, explanations for events, causes for character development, but I don't know how to construct and tie together scenes in written text.

False. Next person is already enjoying their spring break.

That looks like Bloody Rondo, someone correct me if I'm wrong.

Welcome to the forums! Hope you like it here.

Here, you can look at this walkthrough if you really need help. https://majikoiwalkthrough.wordpress.com/majikoi-walkthrough/

Welcome to the forums!

So... in all fairness can I be inclined to believe that...

It's Liselotte from 11eyes. Yeah, I look forward to reading your story, too. I hope you've taken some of my previous suggestions into consideration for this story, it's nice to see other writers adapt and grow with time.

I haven't forgotten about that. I still plan on doing it, but in the meantime, during the weekend I'll read some of it and look at the bigger picture instead. There's no need to feel guilty. I signed up for the job and I plan on following through... just gotta survive this last week.

It's nice to see we're getting more people willing to post their stories on here. Sorry I haven't been posting many critiques lately. I got a week of finals before spring break starts. I'll be going down the list and doing the usual thing.

False. I actually forgot I was 70% water 0_0 Next person religiously checks their e-mail cause of school, work, etc.

The price isn't worth it considering I already played it on the DS. I can't imagine getting much use out of the decals and the abridged sountrack seems like the usual tease. I'll probably wait a few months before getting it.

8.5/10 Mysterious and nice color scheme.

False. Next person's parents has embarrassing baby pictures which they wish they could burn.

Welcome to the forums! Hope you like it here.

Welcome to the forums! Hope you like it here.

Welcome to the forums!

True. I hate when I find puddle of it on my pillow after waking up, yum ugh. Next person has an irrational fear that they hate talking about.

Welcome to the forums! Eight hours straight, huh. I'll admit, I'm kind of envious. I'm lucky if I can put it an hour a day nowadays cause of school. I'll recommend Saya no Uta and Swan Song if you're not afraid to dive into the darker side of human nature and enjoy questioning morality. I don't usually see many people recommend these so I might as well rock the boat a bit.

False. More like a few hours. Next person has insomnia.

False. Never read one before. Next person got free pancakes at IHOP today.

True. You can't even imagine how much I need a break. Next person has kept themselves awake with coffee for several days.

Welcome to the forums!

False. It sounds like it would be tough to chew. Next person had a lewd daydream in the last week or so.