arakura

Last week I read It's A Hard Life. Three years ago I read Katawa Shoujo. And here I sit, writing, having finished neither of them. I bring this up because it says something about me that might not be immediately obvious and I wonder if maybe this actually matters. I think I'm in dire need of some accountability and of some understanding of what I'm really doing with myself. So, the first thing to do is to take a step back and think about why I haven't finished half of my favorite stories. From the Dune series to Yokohama Kaidashi Kikou to Hakomari and more, I've struggled for years to actually finish the stories I love the most. It's kind of a weird problem, as far as I can tell. I haven't run into anyone with quite the same issue. Let's begin. Do you know that moment? That moment when something is so good that you cannot stand it being ruined; When you tell your family to be quiet or turn off your phone so that nothing distracts you from something truly amazing. That moment when you decide that crunching on some chips does the mood a disservice and seriously focus in on what may just be the best thing you've read in the last two years. Or ever. It's that moment when I tell myself that the time isn't right. The mood needs improvement and I'm a little tired so tomorrow when I'm feeling utterly perfect is when I will return to this amazing experience. It's that moment, when I become aware of everything around me, that it all goes downhill. Because the perfect moment rarely arrives. So why not, as others have offered, just screw the mood and jump into it? It just always feels wrong. It's like having trouble trust falling. I'm afraid that if I take the chance and screw the mood, take the fall, and trust in the strength of the story I have chosen that I'll end up in in pieces on the floor. It's pretty dramatic, I know, but the dangers aren't skin-deep. A professor of mine once said, "identity is about the creation of meaning." And I really believe that. I've always told myself that these stories mean something. That they matter to me because they are somehow important, even if it isn't exactly clear how. These days I tie my very identity to their impact on me as a person and my development. They hold a place in my heart that I don't think it's exactly normal for stories to hold, but I'm quite happy that they are there anyway. That's really what it comes down to. I'm afraid that if I'm distracted or something is wrong with my mentality or what-have-you that I'll no longer feel the way I did earlier. How horrible it would be if one day I pick up the third Dune book to realize that it's not actually as good as I imagined it would be. If I were to rewatch Guilty Crown and find a plot hole I would be crushed. Something more than a story will have changed. Something about me will be different. Something I don't want to be different. It's because somewhere in the world of me I put value in these stories and they sit there in their pretty glass cases in my mind. I look at them and think to myself 'how pretty that was' or 'how much you matter to me'. I am afraid that one day I will look at something once beloved and no longer will that passion burn. And then I will be left with nothing (well... not nothing). So I stop reading Dune, afraid that the third book will not live up to my image of the first two. I stop watching Ghost in the Shell because the timing isn't right. I stop and I worry and I worry. I stop because I feel fragile. I want to change. So I will. More on that to come, probably. Thanks for reading and I'd be glad if you left a comment.

Welcome to the forum, you. Check out the fuwa skype group (add me on skype/check out our thread in the member's lounge if you're interested). Fuwa's pretty fun, so I hope you can "join the party" as our glorious leader and emperor so eloquently puts it. See you around,

Blunt and honest, as expected of zkaa. Pretty good read, happy to have ya

I'm excited to participate!

O.o Meogii-sama collects Fuwa can only tremble in fear, hoping he does not desire to collect the rest of his many debts all at once. Else I fear Meogiinovel may be what lies ahead of us. And there is nothing we can do.

Your sig! oh my goodness, I love it I was never too huge a fan of No Brand Girls or Love Novels. Maybe I'll give them a listen again and see.

Yea, I dont think Maki's amazingness in Aishiteru Banzai is disputable

http://love-live.wikia.com/wiki/File:Aishiteru_Banzai!_%28Eri%29.ogg Eri's voice is just so nice

hmmm http://love-live.wikia.com/wiki/Fuyu_ga_Kureta_Yokan this song is SOOOO good

Crunchy you dont really need to explain it to him. He doesnt actually care... confession: hmm, I took a picture of a budding tree in a pile of snow today. It was kinda uplifting or something. I think the cold will finally go away this weekend

confession: I enjoyed all the twilight books. I read them in high school... probably ninth or tenth grade

Welcome to fuwa. Have you read Tsukihime or Katawa Shoujo? They are amazing. As for avatar cropping, if you're talking about the box that you can crop it to after you upload an image, that is the image you'll see next to the profile button or anywhere a smaller version of your avatar is needed by the website to represent you (for example in the last post infosection). It looks like you've got it figured out, but you just drag the box I'm the avatar upload page around and clicking 'ok' or something

Hello! Welcome welcome to fuwanovel. Have a good time here. If you feel like it, check out the skype group (via thread in the member's lounge or add me/anyone in it on skype). Have you read Tsukihime or Katawa Shoujo yet!?

Gintama Welcome tothe NHK Gunslinger Girls BLAME! Dear, Only You Don't Know (korean webcomic)

holy cow these are amazing

I hope you werent taking my post seriously >,> I was trying my hardest to sound sarcastic but not too bitter

Dice is right. The first step is being childhood friends, and you can be reunited in the future if you never were apart. All part of the plan! Good luck! Confession: something like that happened with me, except by moving away I mean that she went to college (she's a year older than I am) and by "before I could" I mean after three years of thinking about confessing it every night. Haha. Oh and somewhere in there she suggested I ask her sister (my age) to a dance. I really miss those times.

yay randomness wooo. I love randomness as a game mechanic. It just makes good plays so much more rewarding. And when you make bad plays, you get punished all of the time. That way it's always the better player that wins. My favourite part is when you do all that you can and then you wait to see what happens inside the black box. Honestly it's just thrilling.

IF ONLY THEY TOLD YOU WHAT THE THING IT SUMMONED DID BEFORE IT SUMMONED IT. I blame blizzard. It was at least kind of funny. "I'll just polymorph it" - last words

I'm quite the Umi fam as well, Tyrael so I support her. But not here! Nozomi!

And who is this "A-chan" girl!? Your new lover!? Oh... :3 (Dw kosakun, I'm here for you)

What we should be asking is where on Earth are all the supposed masses of Nico and Maki fans, heh.